Is marriage Hell for introverts?

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That girl still wants to marry me. True we have our differences but that's not what this thread is about. Not for the first time I find myself questioning if I should be in a relationship at all. I'm an introvert. I'm happy when I spend most of my time alone. I value my privacy.

Should I just not be in a relationship at all? Will the rest of my life be happier if I remain single? Will I be financially better off if I remain single? Will I have greater volition is I remain single? Is marriage Hell for introverts like me?

No, as it means most of your socializing is just with one person you like.

It's hell for everyone.

My Fiancee is extremely introverted. We have already discussed having our own private areas when we buy our house. I even offered separate bedrooms since we both are used to sleeping alone if necessary. As long as you are with someone who understands, that's all that matters.

I'm pretty introverted--but I don't think I would accept separate bedrooms in a marriage--except once in a while.

I am fairly introverted, my wife is an NT and rather extroverted. We have been married for almost 16 years and it seems to be working fine. I am able to find the alone time I need during parts of the day, and especially later at night when the wife and daughter are asleep. She understands that there are times I need to be alone, just like I understand there are times she needs to be together or with other people and I do the best I can to handle those times.

Really, the only way to know if it will work for you is to try it. If you have someone who wants to marry you, that is awesome! That is really a gift. I get the impression from these boards and some websites/books that most Aspies never find that someone.

i'm an introvert and so is my husband. even when together, we spend lots of time quiet. we're fine with that. something that helps is that he's a morning person and i'm a night person, so we each get alone time while the other sleeps. introverts paired with extroverts have to be willing to compromise, alternating group things with one-on-one and alone time.

Perhaps most aspies never find someone. I was worried that would be me. Then I started to feel like that Oscar Wilde quote applied to me. The one that there are only two tragedies in life, not getting what you want and getting it. I feared that I might miss the days when I spend the whole weekend enjoying myself alone.

You are right that I should try living with a girl before I condemn. It's an unknown thing for me so I can't pass any judgement on it either favourable or unfavourable. It is always better to try something before committing and many girls are willing to live together before marriage.

However, there is one thing that I can't try before committing. Every girl I've ever dated said they wanted kids. I'm not sure if I do or not. I fear it yet I also fear I'd miss out on something if I skipped it. It's a totally unknown thing for me and I cannot try it before committing. Some things can't be reversed.

That's pretty much our plan (one 'guest' bedroom with my current bed in it). We are looking at asking for a King sized bed for a wedding gift as I cannot sleep straight due to my height. I simply mention this as something I am willing to compromise on for her sake. Apparently separate bedrooms is becoming quite common in modern times and was very common in Victorian times for the upper classes that could afford it. Who would have knew? I know my parents sleep in separate rooms but that is more due to medical reasons than anything else.


For what it's worth, I have never met any father who has told me they would ever go back in time. and not have kids. Yes, even the ones who want to strangle them.

I might be the first. I love my daughter and all, but don't feel like my life would have been unfulfilled without kids. I guess I haven't thought about going back in time and undoing it, since that would be impossible, but I truly do believe I would have been ok without kids. I am extremely glad I only have 1. I think it would be much tougher with 2 or more kids.

In my relationship it is not uncommon for one of us to ask for some alone time. Equally, one of us might ask for some together time. It's not as much about physical as it is about mental presence. Also we enjoy silently working side by side on shared or separate projects.
If you are able to tell each other what you need, and those needs are not too incompatible. A marriage can certainly work, I think.

I read a book about the great marriage few months ago. Not sure what the name of it, but it is such a great book.

Having a marriage is balance of life. You are allowed to do anything while in marriage but always use your wife/husband as a second person. The first person is you, being alone and do things what you enjoy. That is same life as being single. A wife can have all girls out night while a husband can spend time alone, play some games, may do some surprise for his wife or even he want to hang out with his mates.

A marriage is gift of love, not just for your partner, it also loving yourself, your friends and family. Understanding all of these kind of stuff is a factor to life long marriage/relationship. No matter if you are introverted or extroverted, marriage still works in same way by thinking strategically.

Yes two kids would be tougher. She says I have to give her two kids before I'm allowed to get a vasectomy.

Also it bothers me that she wants to start straight away. I thought we made a pretty cute couple. Well I guess the cute couple phase won't last. Soon there might be no first person or second person. Our lives might revolve solely around the third and fourth person. I wanted to wait until we're in our 30s but what difference does it make? That's just like putting of a dentists appointment for a week. It will still feel the same next week.

So what if I had to deal with three other people in my house instead of one? Is being married with children Hell for introverts?

Me & my girlfriend are both very introverted & we've been living together for about 3 years now & we get along really well. We're both needy & clingy within a relationship. This is also a two bedroom apartment so we each have a room to be in when we want to be alone or do our own things but we always sleep together in her bedroom.

I'm probably subclinical now, but definitely still on the spectrum, and my wife is fairly introverted. We both need, and manage to get, some alone time despite having two kids. I am far happier now than I ever was alone.

You actually make being married with kids more pleasant than I was expecting. I feel a little bit better about it now. Do you enjoy fatherhood?