Imagine a 30 year old male dating a 19 year old female...

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realitypill
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11 Oct 2015, 10:30 am

"Lucky guy." Like all men, I'm powerfully attracted to teen girls - much more than women my own age. Missing out on young love and sexual experimentation is something I'll never truly get over.



nick007
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11 Oct 2015, 3:04 pm

I wouldn't worry that much about it. I dated a 19year-old when I was 28. We were both Aspies & met on this forum.


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Logston
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11 Oct 2015, 4:50 pm

886 wrote:
I'd just instantly stereotype it as the older one taking advantage of the younger one, because 90% of the time, that's going to be the case.

realitypill wrote:
"Lucky guy." Like all men, I'm powerfully attracted to teen girls - much more than women my own age. Missing out on young love and sexual experimentation is something I'll never truly get over.


and yeah... that too



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11 Oct 2015, 5:00 pm

realitypill wrote:
"Lucky guy." Like all men, I'm powerfully attracted to teen girls - much more than women my own age. Missing out on young love and sexual experimentation is something I'll never truly get over.


Dude, gross. Just gross. If I as a woman said I like all women was powerfully attracted to teenage boys instead of men my own age (mid-thirties) would that be ok or would that be gross? I think it would be just as gross as what you said, and just as sad. Just because you missed out when you were younger does not justify turning into an ephebophile. If you're an adult who can't find adults sexy and you're not asexual then there is something wrong with you that you should maybe talk to a therapist about.



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11 Oct 2015, 5:38 pm

I'm actually in my 20s but look like 16. 8O
So when (I didn't say "if", heh :wink: ) I get a girlfriend people will probably look at us and judge her for being with a "teenager". :mrgreen:
It's a curse really. Throughout most of my life my own age group was never attracted to me from my looks at first sight (maybe because I didn't look mature enough, or maybe because of the teeth), only later to my personality I think. :( But I guess that isn't so bad. I just have less choice with strangers... :roll:



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11 Oct 2015, 6:22 pm

wilburforce wrote:
realitypill wrote:
"Lucky guy." Like all men, I'm powerfully attracted to teen girls - much more than women my own age. Missing out on young love and sexual experimentation is something I'll never truly get over.


Dude, gross. Just gross. If I as a woman said I like all women was powerfully attracted to teenage boys instead of men my own age (mid-thirties) would that be ok or would that be gross? I think it would be just as gross as what you said, and just as sad. Just because you missed out when you were younger does not justify turning into an ephebophile. If you're an adult who can't find adults sexy and you're not asexual then there is something wrong with you that you should maybe talk to a therapist about.


'Gross'? Really? Why? Explain.

When I was already in my 30's I would often be treated by others who thought they were older than I in a manner similar to the way they would treat a teenager; i.e. with disrespect and condescension. People take age too seriously, and they make too many lazy assumptions about people when they think they know how old they are (or when they find out for sure). It's just a number, it doesn't matter. I'm sure there are many 19-year-olds who are more mature than most 40-year-olds.



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11 Oct 2015, 6:35 pm

Personally I think the age gap is a little big but then theirs people who have dated someone half their age and theirs been cases of people dating someone whom is much older or younger.

Since you're both consenting adults and she's over 18 then it's not really an issue as long as she's emotionally ready for a relationship and you both have a connection and get on well, then i'd say good for you!

all the best to you two.



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11 Oct 2015, 9:27 pm

realitypill wrote:
"Lucky guy." Like all men, I'm powerfully attracted to teen girls - much more than women my own age. Missing out on young love and sexual experimentation is something I'll never truly get over.

That might be the power (experience) difference I was talking about. If so, it's ethically questionable if you act on it.


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13 Oct 2015, 9:05 am

realitypill wrote:
"Lucky guy." Like all men, I'm powerfully attracted to teen girls - much more than women my own age. Missing out on young love and sexual experimentation is something I'll never truly get over.

For me it is the other way around, I guess. If a woman is looking at me or observing me, she is always way younger than I am. I am almost 50, but the women are between 20 and 25 or so. A short while ago, I noticed that a teenage girl looked so long at me, that one of her friends asked her what she thought of me. She became shy and started to giggle, apparently not knowing what to answer.

I like older women, but they are not attracted to me. Possibly I should date women that are way younger than me, maybe because their thinking patterns are closer to mine, than the older women's are.

Not only do I behave younger than I am, but I also look younger than I am. I am almost 50, but many people think that I am between 35 and 40 years old.



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13 Oct 2015, 9:09 am

My father married somebody 25 years younger than him.

I married somebody 12 years older than me.

No stigma there.



Logston
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13 Oct 2015, 9:20 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
My father married somebody 25 years younger than him.

I married somebody 12 years older than me.

No stigma there.



Not sure how old you were when you met your wife, but a 19yo dating a 30yo isn't the same as say a 30yo and 41yo, in my opinion. The relationship dynamics would also probably be quite different if compared.



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13 Oct 2015, 9:47 am

I am engaged to a woman who is 39. My ex is 25. My fiancee looks older than my ex. My fiancee's sister is dating (and will probably marry) a guy who is also 7 years younger than her. In no circumstances does anyone look out of place. In fact, the 25 year old looks much older than the 39 year old.



kraftiekortie
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13 Oct 2015, 9:52 am

19 and 30 makes no difference. It's legal.

And it's not uncommon, either--especially if the girl is younger.



Logston
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13 Oct 2015, 10:22 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
19 and 30 makes no difference. It's legal.


Legality is the only basis for what is/isn't appropriate in normal circumstances? OK, good to know. There are inherent power differences in that sort of relationship that I don't think are healthy.



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13 Oct 2015, 2:07 pm

Logston wrote:
Legality is the only basis for what is/isn't appropriate in normal circumstances? OK, good to know. There are inherent power differences in that sort of relationship that I don't think are healthy.


My mother's friend has two 30 year old daughters who are basically young teenagers due to a genetic disease that slows their brain growth. While it would be 100% legal for a 30 year old guy to date them, there is no way it could be seen as anything less than unethical and predatory.

There is no hard and fast rule but I should not have dated my ex not because of her age but because of her arrested emotional development likely due to Borderline Personality Disorder. In the example the OP gave, I see no reason why there should be an issue with it.

There are people who got married weeks after meeting and remain married decades later. Others lived together happily for years yet went through a bitter divorce after only a few months after marriage. In other words, there is no mathematical formula for success! Very aggravating to us Aspies no doubt :lol: