Imagine a 30 year old male dating a 19 year old female...

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sorrowfairiewhisper
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02 Jan 2019, 4:37 pm

At 19, they're an adult but still maturing

However it's consensual and if two people are in love and happy then cool. Unfortunately though the younger one will be asked if they're after a "sugar daddy" by ignorant people and people may be concerned about them being an ego boost for the older partner and taken advantage off. The older one, will get praised for attracting someone young.

For me, I wouldn't personally enter a large age gap relationship but then you can't help whom you fall in love with.
My parents, are against such things . They would get so nasty, especially my dad, calling a man a pervert and going off on one. I've learnt from past experiences, just how against it they are. It might be a generational thing too I don't know but I think parents, wouldn't want to see there kids, especially daughters with a much older man.



Northeastern292
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03 Jan 2019, 8:48 am

I struggle to see what's exactly wrong with this picture. By the half-your-age plus seven rule, it's an improper relationship. However, maturity levels need to be factored in.

My girlfriend is several years younger than I am and earns more than I earn. She's quite mature for her age.



kraftiekortie
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03 Jan 2019, 4:36 pm

It's a perfectly legal relationship in all 50 states of this country.

It depends, really, on the maturity level of the guy-----and of the woman.



Arganger
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03 Jan 2019, 5:33 pm

It's legal, but someone only two years older than me dating a thirty year old?
Honestly, heck no!

It might be legal but that doesn't make me comfortable with it.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Jan 2019, 5:39 pm

It used to happen all the time back in the old days. And nobody raised a big stink about it.

My own father was in his late 40's, and his girlfriend was in her early 20's, when they met. They eventually got married when he was 55, and she 30. Nobody raised a big stink about it.

Personally, when I was 19, I liked older women. I once dated somebody aged 38 when I was 19. I'm not saying this because I am a 58-year-old man who likes very young women.

I don't see the "perverseness" in that sort of relationship at all. Unless the 19-year-old is especially child-like.

I just don't see that much wrong in that. My wife happens to be 12 years older than I am.



BTDT
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03 Jan 2019, 5:45 pm

It may make a lot of sense if both partners really want to have kids. Most guys aren't really ready to have kids in their early 20s, while some women are. Guys really need a few years in the work force to become financially stable.



ShyGirl7
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03 Jan 2019, 6:20 pm

Uprising wrote:
... and the male in question basically looks the same age as the female, considering the young aspie genes in said male...

How would you in general feel about this?

This is a completely hypothetical question and is not related in any way to my personal life but it is just something I've been thinking about wildly of how society would see this situation.


If the male and female are both Legal-Adults then it is a Non-Issue.

It's totally fine.



ShyGirl7
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03 Jan 2019, 7:41 pm

Logston wrote:
Legality is the only basis for what is/isn't appropriate in normal circumstances? OK, good to know. There are inherent power differences in that sort of relationship that I don't think are healthy.


You're looking at it in a very blind way.

- If the 19 year old girl dates a 30 year old man who loves her, then your scenario will not exist and is irrelevant.

The 19 year old girl could just as easily date a 19 year old guy who is an abusive jerk (but he's 19 so it's okay :roll: ).

The main point here is - age doesn't matter - the only thing that matters is whether the man loves the woman.



Last edited by ShyGirl7 on 04 Jan 2019, 12:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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03 Jan 2019, 8:49 pm

I didn't say what I supposed said...I didn't say that "19 and 30 makes no difference. It's legal."

Sometimes, the age difference can make a difference; other times, it doesn't.

I didn't have to go out with a 19 year old when I was 30----but I don't believe I would have had an "advantage" over a 19 year old at that time. My maturity level when I was 30 was probably in the area of 17 years of age.



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03 Jan 2019, 10:33 pm

As long as it's legal and you're both happy, it's nobody else's business.

I got together with my future wife when she was 24 and I was 42. That was 13 years and 2 kids ago.


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ShyGirl7
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04 Jan 2019, 12:27 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I didn't say what I supposed said...I didn't say that "19 and 30 makes no difference. It's legal."

Sometimes, the age difference can make a difference; other times, it doesn't.

I didn't have to go out with a 19 year old when I was 30----but I don't believe I would have had an "advantage" over a 19 year old at that time. My maturity level when I was 30 was probably in the area of 17 years of age.


Hi kraftkortie, I agree with you. :D

My response was purely to Logston, which I have edited my earlier post to reflect that.

Cheers!



Last edited by ShyGirl7 on 04 Jan 2019, 5:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

IsabellaLinton
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04 Jan 2019, 1:30 am

I have only dated older men. My longest term relationship has been with a man 14 years older than I am. We've been "together" either dating or as friends for twenty two years. My other two boyfriends were 12 years older (when I was in my 20s), and almost 6 years older (He was 23 when I was 17, but my parents didn't mind and in fact my father wanted me to marry him).

I've never dated anyone my own age and come to think of it, my female friends are never my age either. They're generally older but some have been quite a bit younger. The age difference between aspies and their friends is one of the AQ test questions too, so it must be common.



Gallia
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04 Jan 2019, 1:56 am

I'd say it doesn't work. too much of a maturity gap. Unless the 30 years old is literally 19 in mental age (which is not super good but more understandable) i think both will have different expectations/ ideas about life and different needs.

I would hate the idea of older men going for younger women cos they want to look good and think they have a better chance. I would say if it happens and it's organic cool, but otherwise the idea sickens me a bit.


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04 Jan 2019, 2:39 am

My grandfather married my grandmother when she turned 18 and he was 27. They were happily married for 57 years.


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04 Jan 2019, 2:49 am

nick007 wrote:
I wouldn't worry that much about it. I dated a 19year-old when I was 28. We were both Aspies & met on this forum.
I'll elaborate on this~ I'm NOT mature for my age. I do NOT have my sh!t together with life due to having a lot of disabilities. I'm also retarded compared to most Aspies & even most NTs. I'm not saying I'm very stupid but I'm defiantly am NOT saying I'm smart. My 19 year old ex was living in her own apartment instead of with her parents like I had been all my life & she was in college. She was also aLOT smarter than me. Our relationship was one-sided as a result(it was her side) & she didn't value my input on things nearly as much as she valued her own ideas/wants/needs. I was very desperate to have a girlfriend after being single & looking for 8 years with no luck since me & my 1st girlfriend broke up so I stayed & was willing to put up with things. I hoped that my ideas, opinions, & needs would matter more after we moved in together but she broke up with me before that happened. Her parents had also met me & my parents & her parents had concerns of coarse but seemed to like me anyways.


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