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It's basically real life after a few beers and a scotch.

So you've nothing to offer a girl but citizenship?

Honestly that would be the last thing I would want (mail order bride). It just wouldn't feel right to me. It's not REAL. In fact I think it would end up just being a waste of time and money on top of the "no feelings." I definitely don't want to rush into anything either but man I just don't get why it's this hard.

And I understand men have it harder on online sites and such...but come on, you mean to tell me not 1 single, solitary person would find me appealing. I mean sh*t, I know some people who are mentally handicapped and have found someone online.

I just want to be happy and I feel like I'm the only one in my circle of friends that lives a miserable life. I decided I needed to stay away from Facebook as well. My friend told me "if" he ever got someone he wouldn't be like our other buddy (Tinder guy) and advertise it all over the place. I get he's excited but already he has like 50 pictures of himself and his new gf. As soon as I saw that and how happy he looked and how many friends liked it, I had to get off. I am happy for him, I even texted him to say "congrats, good for you," but I think I need to stay away from that. Between seeing that and just others from high school and such getting engaged and married, etc... I just need to stay away.

That's all, I just want it to happen for me. It's the only thing that's missing. I had one of my best friends tell me a while back that I'm doing better than him because I have a great job and everything and while he doesn't have the most stable job, he has the girl of his dreams and I feel like that's worth a lot more than what I got. I'd rather have that to be honest.

You may wish to reconsider that attitude -- you're not "better" than a person with a cognitive disability. All else aside, the fact that individuals with disabilities are able to find love online is a good thing.

Seeing as you've got a disability and are looking for love online.



NO. Just NO on this one.

Relationships aren't a zero-sum game. Your friends being happily coupled up has no direct impact on your (in)ability to be coupled up.

If you can't bring yourself to see others happy, fine, don't log into FB. It's your prerogative. But it is irrational + (frankly) insane to be mad about an "if" "promise" that's been broken. Why shouldn't Tinder guy post happy pics of himself on his own damn FB account?

Avoiding your coupled up friends is certainly your prerogative but is likely to result in you being less happy, more isolated and thus significantly less likely to find a partner.



Do something different.

Sign up for an activity you enjoy that'll throw you into contact with new people where there are likely to be lots of girls - dance class, crafts, coed hockey, scuba, whatever. Suck it up and go out with your coupled up friends... perhaps one of the new gfs will have a single friend (who actually shows up).

Volunteer somewhere - walk dogs, visit the elderly, feed the homeless in a soup kitchen - to get over yourself and see that you really are lucky and well-off in so very many ways. Even if you do elect to continue to wallow in self-pity, you will be able to do so whilst making the world a teeny-tiny bit better of a place.

Get a new psychologist/psychiatrist who can help you with your anxiety/depression and maybe even refer you to a professional who can help with the social skills.

This may sound like odd advice, but I suggest you stop trying to get a girlfriend and instead focus on making yourself happy.
Do not succumb to social pressures which tell you getting a girlfriend is some kind of right of passage. If you feel you aren't meeting society's (in my opinion lame) standards then you will never feel happy.

You have friends which is effing awesome! Hopefully you can make some female ones in the future, but for now just enjoy your life .

Btw I personally dislike relationship flaunting too, whether it be PDA or the more modern fb rubbish. My best advice is either ignore it or poke fun at your friends for having to be with their significant other all the time. like say : "Dude, I didn't recognize you without so and so attached to your hip!" or give them ridiculous couple names a la Benifer ,Branjalina, you get the idea.

I'm not saying I'm better or anything but I just don't get how, for example, someone with Down Syndrome, can have more success then me at it. I hate that society is the way it is sometimes but the honest truth is if me and a person with DS walked into a bar looking to go home with someone, I would have the better chance just on appearance. Maybe that's not a good application but I am trying to not claim superiority over anyone, maybe it comes across that way with my words.



Well it wasn't a "pinky-swear" promise or anything like that. I just hate the fact that all of a sudden because he found someone, he is changing who he is as a person. When we use to talk about the struggles we had, we both didn't enjoy our friends always bringing up their "experiences" in a boastful manner, knowing we haven't had any success and in a blink of an eye he's doing the same thing. Once again I'm sure he's excited. I know I'm happy for him because we shared the same struggles. I have no issue with people doing that if they want. I know I don't like to flaunt my stuff myself but if that's what he wants to do then fine, I just want to avoid the constant reminders on a daily basis, just like I tend to avoid looking at public displays of affection, etc...

Also I am actually trying to hang out with them more but now that everyone is coupled off, I'm a distant priority. I understand that may be the case but honestly I bet I could sit on my hands over the weekend and not 1 person would text or call me even if it's to ask how I'm doing.



Alright well in any case I appreciate your honesty being blunt on some of these responses. I'll try to iron this out and I really hope I can gain a positive outlook out of all of this. It's just tough, I have my own internal feelings giving me pressure, I have the societal pressure, regardless if I try to ignore it and I even have family members always inquiring over it and I'm sick of having to answer them and seeing their looks of disappointment.

You're welcome to hate that but I'm not sure how that helps you in any way, shape or form. It's also worth noting that, not unlike autism, there's a pretty broad range of functioning for individuals with DS.

I'm biased. My fave cousin has DS, is 25, engaged, great with people and supervises a small staff at Walgreens. Her cognitive impairment is mild, she's a warm "people person" and, honestly, is less impaired than a lot of higher-IQ but sensory-and anxiety-plagued Aspies w/degrees. Why on earth shouldn't she have had lots of dates in high school and now be happily coupled up?



I'm not convinced it's bragging to say that you hit a party and then an after-hours club with your new honey or necessarily changing who you are as a person if you enjoy doing so.



That's unfortunate. The friends who disappear when coupled up (well, beyond the first 3 mos... everybody's entitled to the initial love-drunk-infatuation phase) are the ones you never hear from again once they're married.

That depends, people in a social circle or at a party tend to have a level of comfort and safety on a dating website. When people share a sense of familiarity, they can initiate social interactions much easier.

That is removed on dating websites because you are dealing with people you have never met before and that makes it impersonal.

Yes, but the same rules apply.

People are just more honest in voicing their real thoughts online than they are face-to-face.

Honestly I have gone through that time where I didn't care about a girlfriend and just lived my life. Since college I have been of the mindset, if it happens, it happens, if not oh well. But now I personally want to find someone at this point. I've seen everyone else go from the stage where I was to the next stage in there life. It's my own feeling. Sure I bet outside pressure is influencing me as well but I think I've waited long enough.

I'm just hoping it can happen at some point in the near future. I would love to experience a lot of the things I overhear from my buddies and what I see around me.

Also once again thanks to everyone who has responded, I appreciate the support.

Online dating is not all that different than giving your number to or getting a number from a total stranger you met at a bar/club -- except that you already know if you find them attractive in person.

ya, I've had these thoughts for years now, I've felt if I was born a woman I would have had a boyfriend a long time ago

It fell through. Now I'm alone again. I don't know how long it will be before I get my next girlfriend

Why?

And if you were a woman and still autistic, there's a good chance the guy you found would be abusive in some way and would have targeted you for your naivetée and vulnerability. Would that really be a "win"?

Last bumped by JP88 on 25 Jun 2017, 9:36 pm.