Worst decision - okcupid

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Hello WP, on and off lurker, finally joined as I feel I need some reassurance, please.

Joined Okcupid in the hopes of talking to some women my age and similar hobbies, bad choice, didn't even get a reply from them, even though they looked at my profile and messages, feeling extremely low.

What am I doing wrong? I can't win, I've tried the 'wait for the one' approach too, am I meant to be forever alone?

Girls have always been iffy with me, they've been friendly with me to the point of hugs and such, but it always felt ingenuine.

I am probably coming across as really needy, which I don't like, but I am 23 and not getting any younger and feel like the race is on.

If I am to be alone what is the point in my existence? I always feel like a camera filming everyone else's accomplishments, is it so bad to want to want that too?

Sorry if I have wasted anyone's time. Thankyou.

Come on ladies, it won't hurt to reply here, it's not like you have to date him.

Say something.

You say that it was the worst decision, but I don't see anything that suggests that...only a lack of success thus far. It probably has far less to do with you than you think it does, and even the most successful people on those sites don't get responses from everyone. It is common to get a 10% response rate or less to messages.

I see a few common trends in people's papproaches here that don't have much success, so I can address those since they may be what is hindering you. The first (and most important) is pictures - try to have pictures in good lighting and interesting settings, that compliment your features. The absolute worst pictures are the ones taken with a webcam at a computer, or the ones taken in poor lighting indoors. The second is profile content: elaborate on who you are, what interests you, and what your goals are in life. Add in some interesting tidbits about yourself, and give the reader a reason to want to get to know more about you. If all you write are a few boring lists of facts about yourself, then it will get lost in the sea of hundreds of other profiles.

The last piece of advice is messages. Make them a few sentences at most, and ask at least 1-2 questions. Keep the initial communication brief, but not too brief...messages that just say "Hi, what's up?" will get ignored 99.9% of the time. My first messages are generally 4-5 sentences with a question or two about something in her profile.

When I first joined the site, my profile was atrocious and I hardly got any replies. Since then, I've improved it and not only get quite a lot of responses, but I managed to find my first serious relationship through the site recently.

s o m e t h i n g

G o o d!

How many messages have you sent?

I think the only way it works is if you message like 100 girls.

^ aka having no standards, and go for whoever says yes first.

So....I dunno what to describe this, someone finds me the word.

Not sure what this has to do with standards. You don't message girls you wouldn't want to go out with. There's 100s of thousands of people on these dating sites.

What's your approach and how well is it working out for you? what's your success rate?

Some of what I would say has already been covered, like making sure your profile is engaging and attractive, and making sure the inboxes you're sending are interesting and non-generic.

Women on dating sites tend to be inundated with messages, so much so that replying to all of them would be cumbersome and exhausting. Of course, the more appealing the woman, the more messages she'll receive, and the more selective she'll be able to be about who she talks to.

Maybe we'd be able to better advise you if you showed us the pictures you're using on your profile, your 'about me' section and/or the types of women you're messaging.

Be aware of fake profiles to bump the gender ratios as well as women going there for validation only. Just sorting through those people takes time and disappointment. Then you might get in contact with someone who is genuinely there to date, but she might not be interested. As you can see it can take some time and you'll have to be patient and persevere. Not take rejection personally.

Also, if you have very high standards, forget about it. Extremely attractive women rarely bother with dating sites as they have plenty of men to choose from already.

This sounds pessimistic and discouraging, but it's realistic. If you want to open the can of worms that is online dating, then be prepared for the pitfalls I mentioned.

dating websites just seem like a waste of time for a guy on the spectrum

way to put yourself out there I guess but don't expect anybody to ever message you

meat market, all it is

Try aspergers dating site as a back up plan

As with most dating sites, there are way too many guys, and not enough girls. This means that competition with other guys is pretty stiff, and the selection of potential mates is pretty slim. Unless you happen to get lucky and find "the one", about the only way to win, is to either go somewhere where there is less competition, or make yourself stand out from the crowd...pretty much the same as businesss do.

I tried a few sites like that. OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, etc.
I had the same experience. It's not that it was a bad decision per se...
It just feels like one because it hurts your pride and reminds you of being lonely
all over again.

If you keep at it, you will get replies. It's a numbers game like the others said.

I think the word is "desperate". You need to be pretty desperate to message 100s of girls without ever getting an reply.

The best way to find compatible girls as an Aspie is to look for them IRL. You could participate in nerdy activities, or activities that have more women than men for instance.

That's true but I think that you can also improve your chances of success if you present yourself well with your profile. Perhaps if we could see his dating profile on OKCupid, we could help him improve it.