Unwittingly replying to girls like a rude as*hole.

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DailyPoutine1
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01 Dec 2015, 9:13 pm

I never know what to say when a girl initiates contact. One time she'll say "Hey" and I'll be like "Who are you? Leave me alone.".

Today at the cafeteria I was eating as usual and then some random 12 year old kid came up to me and asked me "You're not eating with friends?" and I was kindof offended and didn't know what to answer so on an impulse I replied with "What the f**k do you want?". She then stuttered "nothing" and I could tell by the look of her face that she was scared or shocked, I don't really know.

I just don't know how I can stop saying mean things without wanting to. My inability to normally socialize with people pisses me off.



mr_bigmouth_502
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01 Dec 2015, 10:26 pm

Honestly, I don't think they deserve to be treated any better. For too long I've tried to be nice to people, but oftentimes it's not even worth it. People suck and they can all go to hell.



Peacesells
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01 Dec 2015, 11:25 pm

You were a bit harsh, perhaps you could start by going to that girl and apologising, Idk. If then she doesn't want to talk or is a bit rude just leave her alone, don't get angry.



Last edited by Peacesells on 02 Dec 2015, 2:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

Outrider
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02 Dec 2015, 1:35 am

Lol at mr. bigmouth's response.

But I agree Mr. B that you have a point.

OP, a lot of people in this world are terrible, especially high school is filled with immature people.

But this girl, I don't know much infromation about the situation, but she could have meant good or bad.

She could have been teasing you, just pointing out you're sitting along, or it could have even been positive - she could have felt sympathetic to you. She could have recognized you're sitting all alone and wanted to be welcoming to you.

If you didn't react with such aggression, she might have let you sit with her group or hung out with you.

It depends on her tone of voice, speech, etc.

There's no need to react with such aggression. I've gotten welcoming and friendly treatment from other students my age when I was in high school, and politely declined or even joined them.

How do you stop reacting with such aggression?

The only way is with your own self-control.

The world isn't always out to get you - you've got to hear people out a bit first before instantly reverting to your 'flight or fight' response.



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02 Dec 2015, 2:18 am

Before being mean to someone, ask yourself, "Would I have the balls to treat this person this way if they were male, bigger and stronger than me, and well-trained for combat?". If it's a girl, would you have the guts to treat her that way in front of a big badass boyfriend, father, brother, cousin or bodyguard? If not, don't.


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mr_bigmouth_502
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02 Dec 2015, 9:17 am

You know, I reread the OP's post earlier on, and I realized what I said was kinda stupid. :P I mean, if you don't like being around people, being mean can work as a defense mechanism, but it can also snowball and make your reputation a lot worse than you may want it to be. NTs are superficial and they care a lot about reputation, and if you're known for being someone that isn't well liked, you might have a rough time later on.



RetroGamer87
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02 Dec 2015, 11:20 am

DailyPoutine1 wrote:
Today at the cafeteria I was eating as usual and then some random 12 year old kid came up to me and asked me "You're not eating with friends?"
What an obnoxious little girl. The trouble with extroverts is that they think everyone is an extrovert.


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Spiderpig
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02 Dec 2015, 11:28 am

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
if you don't like being around people, being mean can work as a defense mechanism, but it can also snowball and make your reputation a lot worse than you may want it to be.


It's a potentially expensive defense mechanism. Offend the wrong person and you can end up with a broken bone or two, at least. And even this seems disgracefully soft considering men used to be expected to challenge those who wronged them to a duel.


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Pineapplejuicex
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02 Dec 2015, 1:13 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
Before being mean to someone, ask yourself, "Would I have the balls to treat this person this way if they were male, bigger and stronger than me, and well-trained for combat?". If it's a girl, would you have the guts to treat her that way in front of a big badass boyfriend, father, brother, cousin or bodyguard? If not, don't.


Disagree. One should be civil to all because it is the bare minimum required by the social contract (and, honestly, so much easier and requiring of so much less energy than being mean).



cavernio
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02 Dec 2015, 2:04 pm

Pineapplejuicex wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
Before being mean to someone, ask yourself, "Would I have the balls to treat this person this way if they were male, bigger and stronger than me, and well-trained for combat?". If it's a girl, would you have the guts to treat her that way in front of a big badass boyfriend, father, brother, cousin or bodyguard? If not, don't.


Disagree. One should be civil to all because it is the bare minimum required by the social contract (and, honestly, so much easier and requiring of so much less energy than being mean).


I disagree with both; rudeness does not trample over one's rights. You have a right to not answer anyone. You don't have a right to expect an answer from everyone.

And someone beating you up or making you fear being beat up? That's them impinging on your rights, them being controlling, and is their fault, and is why you can then take legal recourse against them if they harm you.


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cavernio
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02 Dec 2015, 2:10 pm

DailyPoutine1 wrote:
I never know what to say when a girl initiates contact. One time she'll say "Hey" and I'll be like "Who are you? Leave me alone.".

Today at the cafeteria I was eating as usual and then some random 12 year old kid came up to me and asked me "You're not eating with friends?" and I was kindof offended and didn't know what to answer so on an impulse I replied with "What the f**k do you want?". She then stuttered "nothing" and I could tell by the look of her face that she was scared or shocked, I don't really know.

I just don't know how I can stop saying mean things without wanting to. My inability to normally socialize with people pisses me off.


May I hazard a guess that this issue is not so much one of failing to properly socialize, but one of failing to work with your own anger? That seems like a naturally angry response. The issue is not your response, but rather your interpretation of her words. You instantly got offended by something that might not have been intended to have offense. If you had taken a moment to think about why you got angry, you would have instead naturally asked her, probably in a perturbed voice, 'Why did you say that?' to better gauge what she actually meant.


Yeah, you've got anger issues, not socializing issues. In fact it's rather refreshing for me to read that you aren't falsely hiding your emotions, although there are better ways of dealing with them. Don't work on hiding yourself.


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Peacesells
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02 Dec 2015, 9:06 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
What an obnoxious little girl. The trouble with extroverts is that they think everyone is an extrovert.



Peacesells
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02 Dec 2015, 9:07 pm

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
NTs are superficial and they care a lot about reputation, and if you're known for being someone that isn't well liked, you might have a rough time later on.

Many people are superficial in general, it doesn't depend on being neurotypical or neurodiverse.
RetroGamer87 wrote:
What an obnoxious little girl. The trouble with extroverts is that they think everyone is an extrovert.

And then you complain because women don't want to date you...



RetroGamer87
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02 Dec 2015, 9:09 pm

That's not what I was complaining about. Read my posts again.


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Rudin
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02 Dec 2015, 9:14 pm

Tie a rubber band around your wrist. Whenever you feel pissed off during a conversation, pull the rubber band back so that it hits your wrist.


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Last edited by Rudin on 02 Dec 2015, 9:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Peacesells
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02 Dec 2015, 9:16 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
That's not what I was complaining about. Read my posts again.

Actually you didn't understand my point I think. You can't be upset about a girl talking to you in the cafeteria (also calling her an obnoxious little girl... Really? :roll:) and then complain because girls don't like you.