Honest. 'Pretentious' dating profile?

Post Reply New Topic

I've begun to join teen dating sites and currently working on my first profiles.

Problem is, I'm very honest and open in my profile descriptions, but I might come across as pompous/arrogant.

My 'occupation/job' on dating sites is 'Seeker of knowledge at self-taught' a creative little thing I thought of for my facebook profile.

It's essentially true - I enjoy being self-taught in a variety of subjects and one of my main life goals is the pursuit of as much knowledge as possible.

Anyway, this is a recent profile description I made:

"I'm a Y12 graduate and ambitious guy who wants to see it all, do it all in this short-life we have. I'm laidback and chill.

I like to make my own electronic music (Trance and Experimental) and listen to all kinds incl. Trance, Dubstep, House, Ambient, Jungleterror, etc.

I'm also interested in acting and want to audition for community theatre and psychology with goals to become a psychologist/councillor. + writing.

Sports = basketball, running, soccer, Parkour.

I like talking about life and philosophy and am an Existentialist who takes after Nieztche."

What I'm looking for:


I'm into unique girls with alternative perspective on the world - nerdy girls, goth girls, but just someone who is open honest and can talk about anything is great.

Lookswise short, white or light tan skin, dark brown eyes, brunette or black hair, skinny to slightly overweight."

I sound absolutely ridiculous.

I want to come across as unique and eccentric on purpose because in many ways I am/can be. I want to narrow it down/weed-out the people I'm not interested in, but at the same time most 'ordinary' people might think I'm a f*cking tool.

My profile pic is me dressing exaclty how I enjoy dressing all the time - fedora or blue cap, fancy slacks or dress pants, sneakers, polos, an sweater vests. Basically, my profile picture on this website is my 'style'.

Anyone have any advice?

+ Does anyone else have this problem? They're honest about themselves in their profile, but it makes them seem very weird and 'out there' to the point it can drive away a high number of people?

Your profile seems perfectly fine. Let those who think you a tool do so. There are people I think tools, but I wouldn't want them to fret about it.

I came to internet dating when I was 28-29, separated from my wife, and had two kids. This was before my diagnosis. So, very much a different boat.

I worked and worked on my profile. Threw everything I could at it. In part because I'm not much of a looker or a man of means, but I can spin words into something pretty if I try. And in part because I did want to put women off. To, as you have it, weed them out, for their sake as much as mine. I thought of it almost like an obstacle course. I put my interests in there, my humour, my tastes, my worldview. Tried to get as much of myself there as I could. Though undiagnosed, I knew I was odd, and I didn't want to hide that. I just hoped someone would find it - find me - appealing. A few did. It got me three dates and a relationship.

I might see if I can find it, for comparison or to warn against excess.

Major piece of advice: Remove this section: "Lookswise short, white or light tan skin, dark brown eyes, brunette or black hair, skinny to slightly overweight." It makes it sound more like you're ordering a custom-made vacuum cleaner from Amazon than looking for a partner. I'd also take out the bit about nerdy/goth girls.

I don't think your profile comes across as weird or out there, other than the "seeker of knowledge" thing. If anything, I'd say it's overly generic and not that different from the vast majority of profiles, so it may get lost in the crowd.

I don't know if you know this, but wearing a fedora has a lot of negative stereotypes.

He doesn't look bad in a fedora.

I would say the OP should talk about his music more, and maybe about his heritage.

Stick to the truth - don't claim anything that you might have to prove later.

The quoted paragraph is a little awkward. It makes it sound like you want to audition for psychology. I suggest a little punctuation:

I'm also interested in acting and want to audition for community theatre; psychology, with a goal to become a psychologist/counselor; and writing.

Note that I changed the spelling of councillor - I believe that a councillor is a member of a council (some sort of governing body) but I think you mean to say you want to do counseling.

Don't worry about weeding out the wrong kinds; most guys get relatively few responses to their profile, so you're not likely to have much weeding to do. It's a numbers game, and of course if someone dull responds you can politely decline. I was impressed by your interest in Parkour. Can you say more about that?

Are you going for or trying to avoid pretentious? If the latter, I'd put "autodidact" for profession, it's a fancy word for the same thing. Apart for some minor spelling errors, I'd say the profile looks fine.

Fedora = Pretentious to most young people

I was thinking more about the neckbeard stereotype.

Let's hope the OP finds a girl that doesn't adhere slavishly to stereotypes.

I'm already well-aware of those stupid neckbeard stereotypes that ruin the hat.

I prefer my blue cap anyway - looks much better most of the time on me anyway and makes me feel more comfortable because I can avoid the fedora issue.

Yeah, I didn't mean for my 'What I'm looking for' thing to come across as a shopping list, just to list preferences but was trying to communicate I'm more open-minded than that. Guess I failed at doing that..

At least if it comes across as generic, that's not a bad thing. Any pointers though to stand-out then? But, y'know, not too much?


"Stick to the truth - don't claim anything that you might have to prove later." Yep, the profile is as honest as I tried to make it. It explains my hobbies and interests and general behavior to a tee. What you see is what you expect - a guy who enjoys talking philosophy, sharing music between two people, parkour in his spare time, etc.

Yeah, but, to be honest, surprisingly I usually get the most attention from females I'm not usually interested in.

I'm actually decent looking and decently fit to the point I actually attract your typical 'hot, popular, social, party' type girls my age - not my type. My first Tinder match appeared to be this.

Usually their attraction to me is based solely on looks, so being completely honest about myself in my profile should be the test to decide whether their interest remains or goes.

That is if they actually choose to read it...

At first, I was going to say that made it sound like you were unemployed and your best bet is probably just to list your occupation, but then I noticed you are 17, so I'd really hope you'd get a pass on that anyway.

One small bit of advice I have is to consider adding something about what you'd hope to bring to a relationship. It sounds like you have an idea of what you are looking for in a girl, which is a positive thing, but the flip side of that is also to have an idea of what kind of partner you'd like to be and mention a little about that. Good luck!

You sound like quite a catch! I actually married a guy with a fedora who's into Nietzsche that I met while doing community theater. So I am rooting for you to find someone to be happy with, and will offer a few critiques to your profile.

You seem paradoxical in claiming to be an ambitious guy who wants to see it all, AND that you are laid back and chill. Which is it? The first part appeals to the "work hard, play hard" kind of girl, and the second to the stoner chick who likes to talk philosophy. Figure out what you're trying to project.

The previous commenter is correct that the run-on sentence about acting, psychology, and writing needs some different punctuation. "+ writing" doesn't make you look like much of a writer at all (or "incl." or "Sports=") And no girl who's interested in existentialism is going to take you seriously unless you spell "Nietzsche" correctly.

In your list of desired characteristics, DO NOT mention her weight. Even girls who are of the proportions you desire are going to be offended by what is basically a "no fat chicks" tacked on at the end, although you've worded it more nicely. You may mention that you are fit yourself and desire the same. Simply swipe past the girls who are too heavy for you.

Good luck!

This has all helped and I've started making the changes thank you.

"You seem paradoxical in claiming to be an ambitious guy who wants to see it all, AND that you are laid back and chill. Which is it? The first part appeals to the "work hard, play hard" kind of girl, and the second to the stoner chick who likes to talk philosophy. Figure out what you're trying to project."

Well, interestingly enough, I can be both, and I appreciate both kinds of women.

I can be a simple, laidback person who's fine with thrift stores and just a small, minimalist home (no couch, desks cupoads or other expensive funiture), and just a cheap, reliable car - I don't need nor want the newest, shiniest things.

But at the same time I have goals to backpack around the world or at least my country/state first, contribute significantly to charity and other 'human services type stuff, environmental activism, the pursuit of all different kinds of knowledge, etc.

I keep feeling like 'I'm not that ambitious' but everyone at school thought it was one of my defining characeristics, lol. Especially since I'm one of the first and only to graduate high school (there were a few others at my old school as well but not many at all), and a lot of my family are unemployed and generally just sucking off social security/centrelink while I have aims to do more.

I don't know how to project both sides then, or if I should just pick one.