I Have My First Date EVER Tomorrow!

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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Feb 2016, 3:40 am

I forgot to ask, do you know her in person or it's the first time you meet her? I was assuming the latter.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Feb 2016, 3:42 am

yellowtamarin, how often you rejected a male for a second date? (because you thought he's not compatible)

and how often you got rejected by a male for a second date?



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 19 Feb 2016, 3:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Feb 2016, 3:54 am

Kitty4670 wrote:
Do guys really do research on women before dating them?


Yes, I would say most women and men do, it can be subtly, indirectly or through direct communication with her, especially if he/she your crush.

Expect those guys who ask girls right and left like the PUA players - and go for the first one who says yes.

Since in society, it's expected for the guy to be the pursuer, and to ask the woman out (no one can deny that), and if the crush was not mutual or not as mutually strong, so usually the guy knows more information about the woman than the other way around - so the male usually know somehow already that she's kinda compatible at least unless she shows a surprising unexpected flaw during the date - which is rare.

A woman saying Yes, isn't necessarily having crush on the 'asker', she might got impressed by his approach and wants to know him a bit more - but she probably would know little about him and the whole evaluation (of him by her) would be during the date.



yellowtamarin
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19 Feb 2016, 3:54 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin, how often you rejected a male for a second date? (because you thought he's not compatible)

and how often you got rejected from a male for a second date?

*shrug* I don't count it. I probably reject them more than they reject me because I'm super fussy*. (Percentage-wise, I'd say I reject more women than men.) I've been rejected plenty of times though. Just cos a guy asks me out, doesn't mean it's going to be a fabulous date.

Though if we are talking about outside of online dating, I don't really have much data. Guys rarely ask me out.

*or because I'm an amazing catch to most guys ;)



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Feb 2016, 4:14 am

"I probably reject them more than they reject me because I'm super fussy."
...and because you are female and females are more picky.

and because on Okc, you receive way more offers than any male, so you can afford to be way more picky.

"Just cos a guy asks me out, doesn't mean it's going to be a fabulous date"
if he asked you out for second date then he thought it was fabulous. It's a matter of perspective.

"Though if we are talking about outside of online dating, I don't really have much data. Guys rarely ask me out."

In normal life, outside the online dating, this gender dynamics bullshit doesn't happen like that, normal people meet normal people through social life and friends of friends, and the bonding happens with time between a woman and a man who happen to like each other, bonding grows mutually, in parallel, there's no pursuer and pursuee.
Something that it can't happen on dating sites where gender is very significant on the experience, where the woman has a constant flow of infinite options while many men get no response (therefore zero option).

I am with rdos (whom I personally think he's crazy ...but hell even his crazy neanderthal theory is getting more credit LOL http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style ... 68286.html when he says dating isn't good for aspies.

Now, I am not sure how the OP met the girl, but from the way he said it "arranged a coffee meeting with the girl" - then i sounds like a typical date out of online dating, or he knows her from afar and she's not part of his social circle/life and did a crapshoot with her, and not via bonding through social life.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Feb 2016, 4:19 am

yellowtamarin wrote:

*or because I'm an amazing catch to most guys ;)



You may be an amazing catch, I dunno.

But women who use online dating for long get this attitude due to the sheer amount of attention and offers from guys.

A profile of a female goat may get more messages than the average man :lol:.

EVERY girl I have dated/known through OKc or some other dating apps boasted to me in one way or another of the sheer amount of messages/attentions she gets there. Sometimes they showed me the weird messages they received for fun, but they always mention to me of the crazy amount of messages and offers. And it really gets to their heads.

As if they were trying to tell me "hey, look, there are lot other than you wanting me".


WP ladies, why do you keep denying the obvious? :wall:



yellowtamarin
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19 Feb 2016, 4:29 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
"I probably reject them more than they reject me because I'm super fussy."
...and because you are female and females are more picky.

and because on Okc, you receive way more offers than any male, so you can afford to be way more picky.

I don't know what you mean by "afford". A guy is welcome to be picky if he wants to. Me being picky means I'm usually single. It doesn't mean I have guys lined up one after the other, or am always in a relationship.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
"Just cos a guy asks me out, doesn't mean it's going to be a fabulous date"
if he asked you out for second date then he thought it was fabulous. It's a matter of perspective.

Exactly. He judged the date, and me. He didn't ask me on a second date because he had already decided beforehand that we were compatible, and was waiting for me to make up my mind.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
...on dating sites where gender is very significant on the experience, where the woman has a constant flow of infinite options while many men get no response (therefore zero option).

I really wish guys would stop saying this, I don't get many messages and certainly not an constant flow. When I'm being proactive about dating, I send about as many genuine messages as I receive, and it's not very many.


I don't know why you continue to respond to my posts when you always end up saying essentially "well you must be an outlier, you don't count".



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Feb 2016, 4:47 am

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I don't know what you mean by "afford". A guy is welcome to be picky if he wants to. Me being picky means I'm usually single. It doesn't mean I have guys lined up one after the other, or am always in a relationship.


A guy who gets rarely any response on okc, will be eventually be less picky than a girl who gets a lot of messages; it's an economic logic.

"He is welcome to be picky" :lol: -I mean seriously, don't you see on the boards how many guys complain about how they get little to no response? Some people can't stay as picky if they want to settle.


Quote:
Exactly. He judged the date, and me. He didn't ask me on a second date because he had already decided beforehand that we were compatible, and was waiting for me to make up my mind.


Typical gender dynamic, which I was talking about.


"I really wish guys would stop saying this, I don't get many messages and certainly not an constant flow. When I'm being proactive about dating, I send about as many genuine messages as I receive, and it's not very many."

You said before you were used to receive a lo, but then later you did a lot of profile sculpting in order to filter guys as much as possible.



"
I don't know why you continue to respond to my posts when you always end up saying essentially "well you must be an outlier, you don't count"."

You must be an outlier, you definitely don't count. :lol:

No, not really, you have it like most females on dating sites, you just aren't aware of it (and will never be aware of the difference, unless you do the Norah Vincent experiment).

"I send about as many genuine messages as I receive, and it's not very many."

Show us screenshots :lol: Let's see the count of inbox vs your sentbox ;).



yellowtamarin
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19 Feb 2016, 5:02 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Some people can't stay as picky if they want to settle.

Okay, sure, if settling is their goal, they have to be less picky, just as I would.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
"I really wish guys would stop saying this, I don't get many messages and certainly not an constant flow. When I'm being proactive about dating, I send about as many genuine messages as I receive, and it's not very many."

You said before you were used to receive a lo, but then later you did a lot of profile sculpting in order to filter guys as much as possible.

Show us screenshots :lol: Let's see the count of inbox vs your sentbox ;)

I really doubt I said that. I made a "fake" profile once that had really lame text (hardly any) and used an old pic from when I had long, blonde hair, and yeah I got a lot of (mostly terrible) messages at first but I didn't know if that was mostly because I was a new member...I didn't keep the profile up for long. They weren't exactly suitors to "choose from", as they were mostly just "hey" or cut&paste messages that are easily (and I believe rightfully) ignored as being non-genuine.

I'm not currently being proactive in my dating attempts so I haven't sent a message in a long time. But the last message I received was last Monday (presumably cos I'd done a profile update). I ain't doin' no screen capture :P


This is a really strange thread to be having this discussion in. The OP will return and wonder what the hell has gone on in here.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Feb 2016, 6:29 am

Quote:
This is a really strange thread to be having this discussion in. The OP will return and wonder what the hell has gone on in here.


Well, he didn't come back with a feedback, so we can bla bla until he returns.



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19 Feb 2016, 8:03 am

Kitty4670 wrote:
Do guys really do research on women before dating them?

I wish I did before falling for my ex. Her facebook page was straight out of the loony bin. For example, one month before she met me she posted on her she found an amazing guy and 28 days before I met her she commented on "Why are men such jerks?" I further looked back and it was a clear pattern. I'm sure she posted plenty of nasty things about me, especially after I had to break up via text due to her explosive temper.

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As if they were trying to tell me "hey, look, there are lot other than you wanting me".

Ugh. The free sites were the worst. Seemed like all the women had a God-complex and believed they were perfect. I felt like I was writing a test where the pass mark was 99%. Go figure many of them are still single years later. I liked it to trying to sell a house: sure if you let anyone make a bid you are going to get half the city contacting you but that doesn't mean you are going to get ANY reasonable offers.

I remember shaking my head reading what looked like a great match once. She wrote on her profile "if you want (the privilege) to take me to dinner you better step up your game!" I later met her in real life and she was a cashier at a Home Depot and actually seemed really nice. Still, I think she is the one who needs to 'step up' her game. :lol:

Back to the topic at hand, I hope the OP lets us know how it turned out.



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19 Feb 2016, 8:24 am

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ProbablyOverthinkingThisUsername
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19 Feb 2016, 8:31 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
You're probably going to talk about your respective families. That's a good ice-breaker, usually. Above all, make sure your date knows you're listening to her. If she says something which upsets you (maybe politically!), don't go on some kind of rant, don't lecture her. People hate to be lectured.


Not sure if you're going to see this in time, OP, but this is probably be best advice. Controversial topics are kind of a double-edged sword, if you agree on them, you have a lot in common you can talk about, but if you don't it might lead to rants and arguments, which you do not want. I'd avoid bringing it up by stating your views directly, though if you ask a specific "softball" question you may be able to extrapolate from there and decide if you want to continue. Or you may be able to check her Facebook profile.

If you tend to info dump, try to do so only up until the point where she says something or tries to change the topic. Talking about the things you're passionate about is a great way to bond, but not if she feels like you're no longer listening.



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19 Feb 2016, 8:38 am

ProbablyOverthinkingThisUsername wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
You're probably going to talk about your respective families. That's a good ice-breaker, usually. Above all, make sure your date knows you're listening to her. If she says something which upsets you (maybe politically!), don't go on some kind of rant, don't lecture her. People hate to be lectured.


Not sure if you're going to see this in time, OP, but this is probably be best advice. Controversial topics are kind of a double-edged sword, if you agree on them, you have a lot in common you can talk about, but if you don't it might lead to rants and arguments, which you do not want. I'd avoid bringing it up by stating your views directly, though if you ask a specific "softball" question you may be able to extrapolate from there and decide if you want to continue. Or you may be able to check her Facebook profile.

If you tend to info dump, try to do so only up until the point where she says something or tries to change the topic. Talking about the things you're passionate about is a great way to bond, but not if she feels like you're no longer listening.


Once upon a time, I have chatted once with a girl in a semi-dating thing who asked me what other ethnicity I have dated before, and I have mentioned some Asian ethnicity and one time African ethnicity and she was like "Ewww" - so I called her she's a racist prick and cut everything with her.

Seriously kraftie and ProbablyOverthinkingThisUsername, if the girl you're dating turns out to be pro-Holocaust, or says a racist or a pro-murderous remark about some group of people, would you stay cool about it just for the sake of her vagina? :lol:



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19 Feb 2016, 8:48 am

I wouldn't go out with somebody who wants to exterminate a whole race of people. That's ridiculous!

I wouldn't go out with a woman who espouses Nazism, Stalinism, things like that.

If she's just a garden-variety Communist--a Trotskyite, say, I would go out with her--but we'd probably break up pretty soon.