Diff b/w personal and non-personal online dating 1st message

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yellowtamarin
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15 Mar 2016, 6:18 pm

^ I've noticed that too. I usually delete messages right away that I'm not going to reply to, but sometimes I get lazy and leave them there, and a suspiciously large proportion of them become deleted accounts shortly after.

Also, messages that are much more detailed but are not personalised sometimes get sent to me more than once. They tend to be about a paragraph, quite friendly, saying hello and describing what they are looking for (often something a bit different to the norm) and that they'd love to hear from me if I'm interested. A month or two later...oh that same person is sending me the same message again!

Another type of message I receive more than once is one that tells me they enjoyed reading my profile and found me interesting, or that we have a lot in common, or that I sound [insert nice quality], but again it's not personalised - they are actually sending this same message to multiple people. Presumably without paying attention, because they forgot they had already written to me before.



yellowtamarin
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15 Mar 2016, 6:23 pm

The basic message I guess I'm trying to put out there is your non-personalised messages may work just fine, that's great, but keep in mind there are people who may be suspicious of them for all the reasons mentioned, and you may miss out on their replies. Just adding one thing in your message that gives them *certainty* that you read their profile, or considered them in some way before writing to them, is all that's needed to prevent that.



Laundryhampers
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15 Mar 2016, 7:32 pm

I agree. A standard one liner + some remark on their profile is the way to go.

How goes your Tuesday? + What's your fave [book by author she mentioned in her profile, cafe in town she mentioned in her profile].



yellowtamarin
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24 Mar 2016, 6:13 pm

Just stumbled across this in someone's OkCupid profile:

Quote:
You should message me if
You aren't going to ask me how has your day been or ask how i am coz im always going to say
Good thanks
Hmmmmmm, no where to go from there

Well, she WILL reply though, which is more than I would do ;)



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Mar 2016, 5:16 am

I would not message her because she writes because as "coz".

Too much self entitlement too, what if a good conversation flows after that? What if he turns out compatible? How can she be so sure that no where to go from there?

You are losing a part of your humanity (the normal, natural flow of human communication flow part) with this "First message" rules obsession, you act like digital computing beings.



0_equals_true
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26 Mar 2016, 9:29 am

I was actually writing a similar reply, and got distracted.

I agree, it doesn't come across well.

I think focusing on negatives likes, that come across a wanting to be entertained. So I would say this person isn't going to provide much mental stimulation to the conversation, and may be hard work if it lasts that long.