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SamwisetheLoyal
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Joined: 26 Mar 2016
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 6
Location: Pennsylvania

26 Mar 2016, 8:22 pm

Hello,

I have the terrible habbit of self sabotaging in relationships. I will be happy for a little while and then notice certain patterns in my significant other. I usually assume the worst (OK I always assume the worst). Recently I have been having issues with my significant other that I can not completely distinguish between reality or some made up brain vomit. :|

I am in a long distance relationship, first off. That is difficult in and of itself. Things have been going great between him and I so far, but recently I have been getting paranoid about him possibly wanting to break up with me. I do not know if my paranoia is coming from a change in routine. He started a new job and is working nights. That, as you can imagine, causes quite a change in when and how we communicate. I have been talking less and less with him since he has began working nights. I can't tell if he is distancing himself for a reason or if he is just sleeping all the time (he also takes meds that cause extreme drowsiness). Anyway, the dramatic change in the amount we speak and when he is at work is driving me crazy...like beyond crazy. I miss talking all the time.


So my question is...

How do I not let my brain eat me alive and make a huge thing out of possibly nothing? I do not want to go all crazy obsessed clingy on him only for it to turn out to be nothing to worry about. How do I keep my cool?

My first instict is to text and call a million and one times. I do not want to display unfavorable behavior just because I am a paranoid mess.



redbrick1
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Joined: 25 Dec 2015
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 298
Location: Bay Area

26 Mar 2016, 8:36 pm

Long distance relationships are always tough. They will always end in a break up unless one or both people move within close proximity to each other, so something to think about as you move forward in the relationship.
I recommend not displaying compulsive behavior that will freak him out, like calling or texting numerous times.
When I obsess over something, it is about control. Most likely what is happening is out of my control and that puts me in a tailspin of obsessive thinking that can effect my health and productivity.
You have no real information about his behavior other than change in his schedule, so your instincts are most likely correct, you are most likely obsessing over nothing.
You may want explain your situation and that you need routines. Maybe set a time that you two will speak on a regular basis.



SamwisetheLoyal
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Emu Egg

Joined: 26 Mar 2016
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 6
Location: Pennsylvania

26 Mar 2016, 8:47 pm

Thank you, redbrick1.

My significant other and I do have plans to move in together within a year.

The confirmation that it is more than likely all in my head helps. I have a terrible time controlling my urges to smother him. I have tried painting and watching Netflix, but can't seem to concentrate on what I am doing. It's a pain.

I will talk to him about my need for a routine. I think that will help.