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"Your not being honest with your intention" is a dumb excuse

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Aaendi
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02 Apr 2016, 11:47 am

It's so annoying whenever I hear people saying this about nice guys. Every time it's used, it's complete BS for the following reasons:

First of all, the guy usually does make it clear he wants a date. It's not an alternative motive, if he blatantly says what his motive is.

Second of all, it doesn't matter how honest the guy is, or how long he waits, because the same women who overreact to a guy "not being honest with their intentions" would still overreact if he was super honest anyway.



0_equals_true
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02 Apr 2016, 11:55 am

It is a question of time. If you wan to waste time on someone who doesn't feel the same way.



The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Apr 2016, 2:54 pm

A third reason why it is dumb:
A guy can develop love feelings with time toward a friend; so the main intention was friendship.

Many women don't seem to understand that, as if they think of guys as creatures who always develop instant attraction from day 1; as if it's impossible for them to imagine the idea of falling for a friend.



nick007
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02 Apr 2016, 6:11 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
A third reason why it is dumb:
A guy can develop love feelings with time toward a friend; so the main intention was friendship.

Many women don't seem to understand that, as if they think of guys as creatures who always develop instant attraction from day 1; as if it's impossible for them to imagine the idea of falling for a friend.
That's how it worked for me.


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03 Apr 2016, 12:40 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Many women don't seem to understand that, as if they think of guys as creatures who always develop instant attraction from day 1; as if it's impossible for them to imagine the idea of falling for a friend.
That's because it works this way for women: they determine within 5 seconds whether or not they'll sleep with a man, based on the emotions they feel the moment they meet him. So if anything, it's just misguided projection on their part.



hurtloam
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03 Apr 2016, 2:48 am

Aspie1 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Many women don't seem to understand that, as if they think of guys as creatures who always develop instant attraction from day 1; as if it's impossible for them to imagine the idea of falling for a friend.
That's because it works this way for women: they determine within 5 seconds whether or not they'll sleep with a man, based on the emotions they feel the moment they meet him. So if anything, it's just misguided projection on their part.



I find that bizarre. My biggest crushes took time to develop and have been men whom I thought were a bit odd looking at first, but who turned out to he very interesting people.



Yigeren
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03 Apr 2016, 4:04 am

I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that. Then again, I have no friends.



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03 Apr 2016, 3:33 pm

0_equals_true wrote:
It is a question of time. If you wan to waste time on someone who doesn't feel the same way.




GENAU :!:



The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Apr 2016, 5:47 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Many women don't seem to understand that, as if they think of guys as creatures who always develop instant attraction from day 1; as if it's impossible for them to imagine the idea of falling for a friend.
That's because it works this way for women: they determine within 5 seconds whether or not they'll sleep with a man, based on the emotions they feel the moment they meet him. So if anything, it's just misguided projection on their part.


My last dating experiences make me believe the generalizing that you are saying.
Sorry WP ladies, but I really have good (tangible and very concrete) reasons to feel what he is saying is true, and I won't go into details; sue me all what you want.



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03 Apr 2016, 9:00 pm

Sometimes even being honest with your intentions doesn't always go to plan.

I scored three dates with a lesbian aspie girl and it took till the second date that she realized, even if at school and on the dates I did flirt as much as possible and give off signs I was interested.

Teacher in English class liked to joke when he perceived a male and female student to be flirting, and we were the second victims of it.

It was a good laugh, but considering at least one person picked-up the fact I was flirting, who knows how many others in the class were already aware.

Another girl I had a crush on, she can't say either I didn't give signs - I did, but she probably had that nervous "Oh does he like me?? or is he just being friendly?" thing going on...

It's a paradox - you can't be openly and bluntly honest without scaring people away, so have to try and resort to flirting and subtly expressing interest, without being too cryptic and unclear with what you want.