Woman didn't to give me her email, but told me her workplace

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There was this really sexy woman I saw on the street on the way home from work today and I approached her to flirt. We was being really friendly and complimenting her. I put my arm around her while we walked and she didn't push me away or anything. She didn't seem uncomfortable, but she did seem a little shy. She told me she has a boyfriend and that he would get angry if she went out with me. I know it isn't a good thing to do to try to get with a woman that has a boyfriend, but she was just so attractive. She agreed that I was handsome and sexy when I asked her. She refused to give me her number and kept saying she needed to go to the bus stop to return home. She randomly told me where she works at the last minute? This confused me...what does this mean? She wants to maybe see me again, but wants to take it slow or she just wanted to sound more friendly when letting me down? Maybe wants me to show up at her work one day and have her boyfriend there waiting? I literally have no idea, but she seemed friendly.

Sorry, I just realized I posted this in the wrong area. I meant to post it in Love and Dating.

I think she was pretty clear. She refused to give you her number, and she was trying to get away from you ("kept saying she needed to go to the bus stop to return home"). I don't think she was interested, and may have been afraid to contradict you or actively shrug you off. I know depending on the situation (the neighborhood, how many other people were around) I would just passively agree with a guy coming on to me while trying to get away as soon as possible. You never know when someone might get violent and hurt you, so avoiding confrontation can be key. Even if a guy doesn't get violent, many men get very nasty even when politely turned down.

I realize this probably wasn't what you wanted to hear, but it sounds like you came on pretty strong to a woman you just ran into in the street. Speaking as a woman I would never want a random guy on the street to touch me, but I would be afraid to push him away, and if he asked me whether he was handsome, I would definitely agree because I would be afraid of what he might do if I said no. Then I would try to get away without angering him. She may not even have a boyfriend. It might have just been a lie she told because she thought it might be a way to refuse you without making you angry. I know people who have done that.

Last edited by LostInSpace on 06 Apr 2016, 10:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, I know I came on too strong, but she definitely didn't give off signals of being afraid. She was a little uncomfortable at most, but still laughing and talking with me (didn't come off as nervous or shaky). I know what you are talking about though because I have experienced women being much more afraid when I hit on them on the street.

I just don't understand why literally every woman I'm attracted to isn't interested in me at all. Then when there is one I like that likes me, they act all weird around me and can never seem to just get comfortable and give me a chance. I had one woman go on dates with me and she just disappeared on me and I did nothing wrong (I wasn't getting physical or being really flirtatious with this one).

Women on here...what is the deal with this?

P.S. Not every woman I meet is on the street. I meet women from many many different kinds of places, but for the most part, the women I'm most attracted to either aren't into me or they are, but they play WAY too hard to get! I always have better luck with the women I'm a little attracted to or not much at all...story of my life.

I'm sorry that has been your experience, and I hope you find someone. In terms of the "ghosting" (disappearing after a few dates), unfortunately both men and women do that, and I don't know why.

I hope this isn't new age BS mixed with "want some sausage?"

What makes you think they like you back? Judging from your original post, I seriously doubt you can accurately judge that, since you thought it was possible that woman wanted to see you again when everything about her behavior screamed 'I want to get away from this guy without getting him mad at me'.

Assuming they do like you back, my guess is you did do something wrong and you didn't realize it. Most women, if a man crosses the line in some way, will not tell him what he did. And for good reason, because some guys get really scary when rejected or criticized. Instead, they'll go the safest route and just disappear.

Keep in mind that about 1 in 4 women has been the victim of sexual violence at some point in her life, most likely perpetrated by a man. Those who haven't had it happen to them are still very aware that it could happen. So anytime you come on to a woman, she's not just deciding whether or not she likes you back, but also whether you seem like a potential rapist and how best to protect herself if you do.

To be blunt, your behavior in the original post definitely would have made most women afraid that you were a rapist. Touching her and asking for her number when you don't know her at all, presumably complimenting her physical appearance, not backing off when she gave you numerous signals (saying she has a boyfriend and he'd get angry if she cheated, refusing to give you her number, repeatedly saying she needs to go somewhere else).

As for the workplace mention, I seriously doubt she wants you to show up there - in fact, more likely she'd call the cops and charge you with stalking if you did. My best guess is she might have thought that you'd mistaken her for a prostitute, and wanted to make it very clear that she had a different kind of job than that.

Next time, don't get in their space. If someone put their arm around me and they are a stranger, I don't pull away exactly because I'm actually too shocked to believe they just did that so I try to act normal and not draw attention to the situation as I try some way to get out of it "nicely". If I come off too rude, then the person may get mad and I will have another problem on my hands. And asking her if you were attractive would have turned me off right away. What is she going to say? That you're ugly? Way too forward.

Yep...definitely too forward. If I were a woman, I don't think I'd want some random guy to put his arms around me.

As a man, I wouldn't mind it if a woman put HER arm around me. But woman have justifiable fears of a man doing that.

Please do not go to her job. She has a boyfriend. It probably wouldn't end well.

Dont touch her... You can't read when it is appropriate (aspergers) which is practically NEVER during the day.

Maybe next time puting time into getting to know her will be more effective

Last edited by enz on 13 Apr 2016, 2:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

You simply don't put your arm around a woman you have just met in the street, it's a borderline harassment, where did you learn that?

I'm not a woman, but it is pretty easy to tell what the deal is. If a woman wants to meet stranger guys on the street or outdoors (which I'm sure a few do), then they absolutely do not want you to go up and talk to them, and much less to touch them. You need to keep your distance and use glances instead of conversation. Also, you cannot do this with passing strangers, you need to seek out more static environments. This is connected with ND preferences.

OTOH, if you want to start with conversation, then you need to seek out culturally acceptable places where you can do that, like events, bars or pubs, not the street. This is connected with NT preferences.

IMHO, you are mixing incompatible ND and NT preferences in a way that borders on harassment. You need to decide to go with one of them only.

If a woman acts all weird around you, then it's probably more a sign they actually don't like you...I would say relationships only work when both people feel comfortable around each other. Coming on too strongly might be your main problem here, as even if a women finds you initially attractive and might want to get to know you further to determine compatability but you're coming on too strong it can scare them away. Probably best not to put your arm around someone you've just met unless you ask them if its ok, or they say it is. Also what are your standards for attraction?...It is possible they are too high and you're passing up a lot of women just because they don't fit an exact image of physical attractiveness visualize in your mind as ideal.

I myself have never been able to base my interest in someone on physical appearance alone, it really depends on their personality, how I feel around them, interests we have in common and such like that.

For the ones you're a little attracted to that you have better luck with...would you pass them up for someone prettier regardless how you got on with them?

Only situation I have put my arm around a woman I have just met was after a night out and we were both drunk and it was more of a friendly hug. But I guess it was wanted she kissed me.

normally omg no, way to forward!! ! talking yes if wanted but nothing in their space. I can guess the conversation the next day at her work watch out for the creepy guy outside he put his arm around me! and she will have passed out a description.

Also I might add what is up with you being willing to go out with a woman with a boyfriend? I mean you say the times you've been rejected by women who seemed to like you you did 'nothing' wrong. But just the mentality you'd pursue a woman with a boyfriend just because she's really sexy/attractive tells me its very possible there are things you might do wrong on dates...perhaps you come off too fixated on physical appearance, too shallow or like you're trying to move things along too fast.

Well the first time I met my boyfriend we hugged and kissed(just a little one nothing all that passionate) before I departed, but we had talked and connected some during the date and the time certainly felt right....we both were just standing together looking at each other affectionately and felt mutual positive chemistry. It probably would have scared me if he put his arm around me when I first walked up to him especially since I met him late at night to go to a place I wasn't super familiar with and he's not a small person.

What she is saying is that she has no interest in you in a sexual/romantic way.