Are there some women out there who care too much about looks

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Lifeistoohard
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03 May 2016, 2:39 pm

Disclaimer: This is NOT a generalization. That's why I say "some women". I've found others to be at least friendly regardless of my current shape.

This morning we had our last class and I began to talk to a girl that I've talked to once last week, so it's a late conversation in this semester.

I was confident, cracked a joke saying "I'll ship you some coffee to help you pass that final". She laughed a lot, but then told me "I'll see you Thursday" (we have no class Thursday) then picked up her phone and called one of her friends. The whole talk lasted only a minute.

I see it as a creative excuse to blow someone off. However, I also can't blame her, as I've fallen short of physical health at this point in the semester. Right now I'm 195 lbs, height 5'10" and have almost no muscle.

The way I see this incident, is that some women just don't like guys who aren't in decent shape.

I felt a little offended an hour ago, but now I've made a personal ultimatum: Lose weight and get ripped, or keep trying for a long time until you find a girl who doesn't focus on looks that much".

In other words: If I want to date a girl who is decent looking and prefers guys in good shape, I'll have to work on that instead of blaming someone who likes a quality in guys that can be improved. Remember, as an Aspie, looks are much easier to improve on compared to social skills.



The_Face_of_Boo
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03 May 2016, 2:55 pm

So wait, she told you "I'll see you Thursday" then she talked with her friend on the phone.

Where is the blowing off here? Don't you have her phone nb/or any other contact medium to follow it up on Thursday?

Am I missing something here?



Lifeistoohard
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03 May 2016, 3:00 pm

I don't have her number or FB. It was only a face to face chat.

Because classes are over on Thursday, she knew that and wanted me to think that I'll hope to see her Thursday when in reality it's a clever way to cut off a current conversation.



The_Face_of_Boo
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03 May 2016, 3:02 pm

I thought she picked Thursday because it is a class-free day - maybe she forgot that she doesn't have your number.

Although I can see why your theory is plausible (not the title, but the blow off tactic).



Alliekit
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03 May 2016, 5:45 pm

You just get people who care about looks alot. There are some men and some en that care about looks. Some men told me they were not interested in me because if my look despite apparently having a 'awesome personality'.

It's good that you want to improve yourself though, I too am trying to lose weight :) I wish you luck and hope in the future you find a girl less concerned about looks.

Also you sound t like you have a great sense of humour which is a very attractive trait



waynet7
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03 May 2016, 6:14 pm

As I've said in other posts, appearance can be a "here today, gone tomorrow or not today and WOW tomorrow". I've seen both happen. It should not get the high consideration people seem to give it. Like lettuce on a burger, looks won't matter if the "Meat" is not right. Unless, of course, one is interested only in taking 'one bite'.


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nurseangela
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03 May 2016, 6:20 pm

waynet7 wrote:
As I've said in other posts, appearance can be a "here today, gone tomorrow or not today and WOW tomorrow". I've seen both happen. It should not get the high consideration people seem to give it. Like lettuce on a burger, looks won't matter if the "Meat" is not right. Unless, of course, one is interested only in taking 'one bite'.


I don't get the "meat" part.

Anyway, I think you should get in shape just for yourself and your health. Other good stuff will follow if it is meant to.


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UnturnedStone
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03 May 2016, 6:30 pm

Yes, Some women only care about looks, but by no means all of them.

I don't feel that you were blown off, she may have thought you did have class on Thursday.

My fiance is very attractive, petite, red head, not overweight, looks about 20. (she is a lot more than just looks but that's what this topic is about). I on the other hand, Look much older than I am (and often get mistaken for her father), I'm bald (not by choice), have a bit of a pot belly going on, have missing teeth, already had kids, poorish (we get by, just) etc.

Despite this, I am a good catch, I am funny, I am honest and faithful and she is happy. And you know what? She was worth waiting for. There are no games, no drama.

If girls do turn you down for superficial reasons, it is their loss, not yours. You want to be accepted for who you are.
But by all means try and better yourself, I did before finding my fiance and not only did it help my confidence it did in fact make me a better catch. When I say better yourself, I don't mean become something you are not. For example, you have to lose weight because it's what you want.



kraftiekortie
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03 May 2016, 6:32 pm

I agree. You should get in shape for your own health, not to get girls.

I used to run marathons when I was younger, in my 30's. I have found that women in their 30s care less and less about a guy's muscles/shape, and more about how he makes her smile. They really weren't all that impressed at the fact that I ran marathons. They would go "that's nice."

I don't think she "blew you off." I just think she wanted to call her friend. She responded to your wit.

You're doing what I've done many time---assume the worst!



nurseangela
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03 May 2016, 6:39 pm

This thread is making me feel guilty - I need to go exercise then get back to my homework. 2 weeks and 5 days with no alcohol and I feel great! :mrgreen:


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UnturnedStone
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03 May 2016, 6:41 pm

nurseangela wrote:
This thread is making me feel guilty - I need to go exercise then get back to my homework. 2 weeks and 5 days with no alcohol and I feel great! :mrgreen:



I too have stopped drinking, almost a year and a half now.



TheSpectrum
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03 May 2016, 6:43 pm

Get into shape to a point that it has built your self esteem to a reasonable level.
When you're happy with yourself the confidence comes with it and girls like a guy that's already happy and confident.


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waynet7
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03 May 2016, 6:59 pm

nurseangela wrote:
waynet7 wrote:
As I've said in other posts, appearance can be a "here today, gone tomorrow or not today and WOW tomorrow". I've seen both happen. It should not get the high consideration people seem to give it. Like lettuce on a burger, looks won't matter if the "Meat" is not right. Unless, of course, one is interested only in taking 'one bite'.


I don't get the "meat" part.

Anyway, I think you should get in shape just for yourself and your health. Other good stuff will follow if it is meant to.

'Meat' = Soul. 'One bite' = one nighter/casual encounter


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JaneBuss
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03 May 2016, 8:09 pm

Maybe the girl forgot that there'll be no class on Thursday.

I'm a creature of habit and could totally see myself doing something like that.

Not sure how weight/looks plays into that encounter -- you had a pleasant, casual chat with a girl you barely knew and she ain't snarky, mean or in any way dismissive of your appearance.



The Grand Inquisitor
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03 May 2016, 9:22 pm

Most people care about looks, at least to some extent. If someone works on maintaining a good figure, they're generally going to want a partner who has a similarly aesthetic body. People will generally seek out the best partner they can, so if a girl can get with a fit guy, and she likes fit guys more than overweight guys, an overweight contender for her affection would have to offer value in other ways that interest her, that are scarce amongst fit guys who would be willing to date her.

I'd say you'd be doing yourself a massive favour to get into shape. That's what I'm aiming to do too. And until I am at such a point that I would be willing to date a female version of myself, I'm not going to approach dating very seriously, because until I can stand proud and tall, it's unfair for me to expect someone to stand beside me.