How do you effectively rebound after rejection?

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ForeverAnon
Tufted Titmouse
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31 May 2016, 11:26 am

Meeting people has usually been difficult; I've always been socially on edge, hyper self-conscious about doing or saying the wrong thing. I don't meet women effectively. And so of the 50-something first dates I've had, only two of them I had met in person beforehand. The rest, I've met either through OKCupid, POF, or CMB. So back in February, after a really messy situation with one girl, I got offline, and put dating on a pause while I tried finding other things to learn or otherwise get into on my off-time: Nowadays, I'm more into blacksmithing, silversmithing and jewelry-making rather than dating. Which is why I found it peculiar that three months later, I got a text from a woman saying she just got a message, saw I had disabled my account, and went through the conversation history to see that I had left my number.

So we met for drinks on Friday. Usually they aren't who they say who they are, they magically weigh 20 lbs less in their photos, or some little detail gets revealed. In her case, it was religious conservatism (which...being a centrist agnostic, I *can* live with but it just threw up more ice rather than breaking it). We didn't have much in common, we didn't click, she said we should plan something for our next date, and I haven't heard back from her.

I am upset. I really shouldn't be. I'm not upset that *she* rejected me per se, so much as I'm upset at the pattern of rejection. It's a mix of frustrations, growing up feeling incompatible with other people, that my own personal pursuits and endeavors to make myself better are effectively invalidated, and that I am fundamentally truly alone. I throw myself into pursuits as a coping mechanism, rather than drink, but it's still solitary.

What ways have you found help you blunt the sting of repeated rejection?



Uprising
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01 Jun 2016, 12:19 pm

Perhaps by thinking that they've never happened in the first place and that you never confessed your love to those women?

AKA ignorance is bliss.

And perhaps by thinking that most people in the world are too self-centered and busy on their phones to even notice or care enough that you got rejected by +- 50 women in a row?

And also perhaps by thinking that a lot of women find a guy who isn't afraid of asking out and approaching women, despite getting repeated rejection in the face, to be quite masculine and ballsy.



rdos
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01 Jun 2016, 12:22 pm

Uprising wrote:
And also perhaps by thinking that a lot of women find a guy who isn't afraid of asking out and approaching women, despite getting repeated rejection in the face, to be quite masculine and ballsy.


I judge that as stupidity. It's a sign that you never learn anything from your mistakes.



Uprising
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01 Jun 2016, 12:39 pm

rdos wrote:
Uprising wrote:
And also perhaps by thinking that a lot of women find a guy who isn't afraid of asking out and approaching women, despite getting repeated rejection in the face, to be quite masculine and ballsy.


I judge that as stupidity. It's a sign that you never learn anything from your mistakes.

What if it's caused by something that isn't completely within your control?



rdos
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01 Jun 2016, 1:13 pm

Uprising wrote:
rdos wrote:
Uprising wrote:
And also perhaps by thinking that a lot of women find a guy who isn't afraid of asking out and approaching women, despite getting repeated rejection in the face, to be quite masculine and ballsy.


I judge that as stupidity. It's a sign that you never learn anything from your mistakes.

What if it's caused by something that isn't completely within your control?


Getting rejected by women is mostly within your control, so repeated rejection is either the use of bad methods, not learning anything from past experiences or both.



Uprising
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01 Jun 2016, 1:27 pm

rdos wrote:
Uprising wrote:
rdos wrote:
Uprising wrote:
And also perhaps by thinking that a lot of women find a guy who isn't afraid of asking out and approaching women, despite getting repeated rejection in the face, to be quite masculine and ballsy.


I judge that as stupidity. It's a sign that you never learn anything from your mistakes.

What if it's caused by something that isn't completely within your control?


Getting rejected by women is mostly within your control, so repeated rejection is either the use of bad methods, not learning anything from past experiences or both.

What about just having an ugly face?



aspiemike
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01 Jun 2016, 2:16 pm

Three words come to mind as well as a six word saying come to mind.

1. Keep yourself busy.
2. Out of sight, out of mind. (For any particular person you are hung up on)


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ForeverAnon
Tufted Titmouse
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01 Jun 2016, 2:38 pm

*shrug*, looks like it's a rebound. She had plenty of time to text back after I did, and she only did text me three months after I had first messaged her. I don't have time for that sort of thing. Ah well.



rdos
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01 Jun 2016, 2:53 pm

Uprising wrote:
rdos wrote:
Uprising wrote:
rdos wrote:
Uprising wrote:
And also perhaps by thinking that a lot of women find a guy who isn't afraid of asking out and approaching women, despite getting repeated rejection in the face, to be quite masculine and ballsy.


I judge that as stupidity. It's a sign that you never learn anything from your mistakes.

What if it's caused by something that isn't completely within your control?


Getting rejected by women is mostly within your control, so repeated rejection is either the use of bad methods, not learning anything from past experiences or both.

What about just having an ugly face?


You need to understand your limitations and select proper potential partners. If you are ugly, you cannot go for super-hot girls. It would be like if I, as a 50+ male, went after teenagers. I'd get constantly rejected because of the age difference. That would not be the fault of teenage girls, but my fault, because I selected inproper potential partners, didn't learn from my mistakes or both.