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DevilKisses
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16 Jul 2016, 12:26 am

I'm vaguely introverted. For me it means that I'm way happier when I'm socializing with extroverted people, but due to chronic illnesses I normally act more like a socially awkward introvert. Since I'm not a stereotypical party girl, I attract a bunch of extreme introverts. They seem to think we have so much in common when we don't. Anyone else have this problem?


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amdedinboro
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16 Jul 2016, 1:13 am

I don't have this exact problem, per se. I'm an introvert who enjoys the company of other introverts for the most part, but I do like to get out and do things in the world, and not live a sad, cloistered up existence. I've had experiences where other introverts connected with me on that particular level (our shared introversion,) but their outlooks on life and behavior were just so dull and depressing that it was hard for me to feel like I genuinely had that much in common with them. Not to mention, it kind of dragged me down about myself as well.
For me personally, I think the ideal situation is finding people with some common ground personality-wise, but who still bring out the best in me and help pull me out of my comfort zone a bit.



hurtloam
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16 Jul 2016, 1:44 am

Yes, I have this exact problem. I'm quiet when you first meet me, but when I'm comfortable with people I'm more extrovert. I do need to he around people to feel good, although I do need a measure of quiet time too.

But Ive had people assume that I just like being quiet because they don't really know me. I get on better with more talkative people because they help start the conversation and then I participate equally. I just have problems beginning conversations.

The kind of guys I like probably just think I'm boring because they don't know me well enough.



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16 Jul 2016, 2:04 am

ironically i have sort of the opposite problem. i tend to be much more extroverted on first contact than i naturally am most of the time. people get confused. then i get sort of paranoid about my actions and behavior (or, especially, lack thereof) being misinterpreted. and for a reason: because it happens all the time

not so rarely, my behavior is extroverted. but from my own perspective, i'm introverted. very introverted. company is something i want, but social contact per se, with anyone other than people who i already know fairly well and who i truly and honestly like, is a huge necessary evil to me, because it's both draining and unrewarding


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LookWhoItIs
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18 Jul 2016, 9:50 pm

I feel like the type of introvert that's actually an extrovert but can't relate to most people and so I'm forced into the "introvert lifestyle."



DevilKisses
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18 Jul 2016, 10:56 pm

LookWhoItIs wrote:
I feel like the type of introvert that's actually an extrovert but can't relate to most people and so I'm forced into the "introvert lifestyle."

Same with me.


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Outrider
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19 Jul 2016, 1:29 am

I'm an ambivert, a mix between intro and extra, and know it.

Ambiverts are the invisibles as everywhere I see people bring up the false dichotomy of introvert and extravert (aka people thinking you can only be one way or the other).

Due to severe anxiety disorder (particularly Agoraphobia, a fear of leaving the house alone) and the Asperger's, of course, I may come across as more 'shy' and 'introverted' than I actually am.

I know for a fact I'm not an introvert because I don't feel like one, and don't get along with, relate to or understand the vast majority of their beliefs and values.

Definitely 'forced' into the introvert lifestyle - I don't PREFER staying indoors, I prefer a mix of both indoor and outdoor, I just have a fear of leaving the house alone so obviously when I leave the house I feel more comfortable doing it with someone else; but with no friends in the same city as me and all of my other friends being introverted anyway, this typically means I don't go out much.

And because my friends don't live nearby, I also can't spend time around other people - if I did, other people would uplift me.



Sabreclaw
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19 Jul 2016, 2:50 am

Outrider wrote:
I'm an ambivert, a mix between intro and extra, and know it.

Ambiverts are the invisibles as everywhere I see people bring up the false dichotomy of introvert and extravert (aka people thinking you can only be one way or the other).

Due to severe anxiety disorder (particularly Agoraphobia, a fear of leaving the house alone) and the Asperger's, of course, I may come across as more 'shy' and 'introverted' than I actually am.

I know for a fact I'm not an introvert because I don't feel like one, and don't get along with, relate to or understand the vast majority of their beliefs and values.

Definitely 'forced' into the introvert lifestyle - I don't PREFER staying indoors, I prefer a mix of both indoor and outdoor, I just have a fear of leaving the house alone so obviously when I leave the house I feel more comfortable doing it with someone else; but with no friends in the same city as me and all of my other friends being introverted anyway, this typically means I don't go out much.

And because my friends don't live nearby, I also can't spend time around other people - if I did, other people would uplift me.


Kind of reminds me of myself. I don't have a fear of leaving the house alone as such, but it definitely makes me uncomfortable. I thoroughly enjoyed going on hikes and camping trips with friends back in the day, going to shops, our just going for a stroll around the neighborhood. Certainly nicer than being cooped up indoors all day.

With nobody to hang out with, I just really don't like going out of the house.



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19 Jul 2016, 5:54 pm

I think introverts are more likely to attract extroverts, mainly because extroverts are usually the ones to come up to someone and start talking.



DevilKisses
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19 Jul 2016, 5:56 pm

saxgeek wrote:
I think introverts are more likely to attract extroverts, mainly because extroverts are usually the ones to come up to someone and start talking.

Why would I attract introverts instead? I pretty much act like an introvert even though I'm not.


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19 Jul 2016, 7:52 pm

DevilKisses wrote:
Why would I attract introverts instead? I pretty much act like an introvert even though I'm not.

they probably feel like other people are intimidating to them and you're safe to talk to


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DevilKisses
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19 Jul 2016, 8:09 pm

anagram wrote:
DevilKisses wrote:
Why would I attract introverts instead? I pretty much act like an introvert even though I'm not.

they probably feel like other people are intimidating to them and you're safe to talk to

If I'm so approachable, why don't more normal people approach me as well?


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19 Jul 2016, 8:17 pm

DevilKisses wrote:
If I'm so approachable, why don't more normal people approach me as well?

i guess being approachable is more about not having certain attributes that people want to avoid (an intimidating aura, for instance), and not so much about having other attributes that many people will be looking for (like an engaging personality). to people who don't normally feel socially intimidated, maybe you simply don't stand out. for introverts, that's a plus, but for extroverts it's a downside


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Outrider
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20 Jul 2016, 7:09 pm

Yes from the pictures you've shown you do look like you have a 'nice, balanced, down-to-earth woman who won't absolutely bite my teeth out for approaching her' look to you, whether you intend to or not.

Approaching people is difficult and can be met with many rude or aggressive responses, especially if you are a physically less-than-average or shy male who struggles to speak to women.

You don't necessarily look shy or introverted yourself, just friendly and non-intimidating.

I know saying this may tick you off but it's just the truth.



kraftiekortie
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20 Jul 2016, 7:13 pm

Nothing wrong with looking friendly.

Much better than looking tough and intimidating.



DevilKisses
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20 Jul 2016, 7:19 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Nothing wrong with looking friendly.

Much better than looking tough and intimidating.

I wish I could look more icy and edgy. I look naive and boring instead.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 124 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical