When is it appropriate to approach someone you don't know?

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Okay, so today I was using the WiFi in the hotel lounge as I prefer it there to the noisy area beside the outside swimming pool. Most people came and went rather quickly, except one girl around my age who stayed there even longer than I did (and I was there over 2 hours), and she was just sitting alone playing her DS. She grabbed my attention

I felt tempted to speak to her, but thought I shouldn't as she would probably want to be left alone, and even if that wasn't true, my social anxiety would've stopped me. However, afterwards, others said I should've approached her.

My question is, exactly what situations is it more okay to try to approach someone? And in what situations should I avoid trying to approach someone?

Lemme guess.... Never?

In a public setting like that, when someone is setting off by themselves, it's okay to go up to them and say hello, if they respond, and seem to want to talk, then you can continue. If they seem intent on wanting to continue to play their game, perhaps they aren't interested in being around anyone, though I wouldn't imagine why they would be in public if this were the case... I hope this helps.

When the girl approaches you.

Otherwise...never.

Bridgette's advice is good. As long as you are being appropriate, you aren't doing anything wrong. If they're not interested then respect that and move on. If you are being appropriate, then don't feel you've done something wrong just because they aren't interested. Nothing about what you described indicates that she was necessarily not interested in talking to a stranger.

Stop talking fantasies you two.

It is not socially appropriate to talk to a stranger girl in a public zone especially if she is preoccupied with her book, mp3 player, ipad, DS or whatever.

In that situation I'd say it would have been ok to approach given the length of time she was in your vicinity, and the fact you had something relevant you could have talked to her about. After packing up, on your way out you could have said hello, asked her what she was playing, say what games you're planning at the moment or have done. As mentioned by Bridgette though, the key thing is to look for signs that someone doesn't want to talk to you. If she gave short answers without looking up from her game then she isn't interested so leave her alone. If she paused the game, made eye contact, smiled, gave extended answers etc then she is more open to it.

For NTs the longer they are in the same area as each other, the more socially acceptable it becomes to talk. They're weird like that.

I'd say where it is generally less appropriate to approach women is when they are somewhere just "doing something" and you approach them out of nowhere and don't really have anything relevant to talk about. So that would be the supermarket, or the gym for example. Sure at the supermarket you could ask about what she just picked from the shelf, ask what aisle the sugar is on etc, but she's going to know you're hitting on her.

In a bookstore it's the same general concept, you could remark about a book someone has looked at etc, but they're going to know you're probably just hitting on them, so again the key is to know when to back off. I'd say the more specialist the area the person is in the more acceptable it is to approach someone. Eg a supermarket, no, bus queue, no, bookstore, maybe, comic shop probably, a niche music shop probably and so on. Mainly as you have a reason to spark up a conversation.

So in my mind that's the main factors...do you see this person there regularly, or have you spent a long time in the same area as the more you see someone someplace the more acceptable it is to approach them, and the longer you've been in the same area the more acceptable to approach. Also the more relevant a subject you have to talk to them about the more acceptable it is to approach. The other thing I haven't really talked about is in areas where it is just deemed acceptable to talk to people like bars etc. The one universal though is to know when the other person isn't interested and to not bug people or be a creep. You really need confidence to pull off talking to a stranger.

Look, when NTs don't do something, then it means it's not socially appropriate to do it, from my observation, people almost never (very rarely) bother other people in public places, especially people of the opposite sex and of the same age range.

Ok, I wanna set a challenge against Chichikov, Bridgette77, HighLlama and I want SpongeBobFan to participate too:

For this whole week, try to observe girls who are sitting alone in public places, such public parks, metros, buses, restaurants, snack shopsm, on treadmills, or even shopping alone in grocery....etc. Those girls would typically be tinkering with something like their smartphone, tablet or any other device or listening to music or busy with the activity they're doing (like shopping).

And tell me how many guys are trying to approach those girls and attempting to say hello to them. Count them. It would an achievement if you find even count one case. So...challenge accepted? ie. Acquaintances and friends not to be counted, I am talking about cases when a fully stranger introduces himself to a girl.

SpongeBobFan, you said that the girl was sitting alone for a while, haven't you ever wondered why no other guy tried to say hello to her? Do you really think that you are the only single guy there who thinks she's cute?

Rethink again.

I'm not going to speak for all women, but personally, I wouldn't mind being approached by a guy if I was sitting alone with my phone or what ever device I had available. Most of the time, I'm sitting in that area looking for company anyway, and have that device for something to do to kill the bordum. I would love to join in your experiment, but me observing anything would not work. LOL. My eyes haven't observed crap in 39 years, and it is doubtful they ever will.

That's why...Mr. SpongeBobFan, you should not trust her knowledge in socializing.



BOOM! I win! That was the final blow.

I see it quite frequently on the London Underground.

Ha Ha Boo! Verry funny!
No, you do not win! This is exactly why you should trust me more, and do not listen to him! Number one, I'm a woman, so I can speak from a woman's point of view! Two, Sometimes, when we are at a disadvantage, we just have to take a chance. If we don't, and just sit on the sidelines and observe, or in my case, let life just pass by, when we'll never know what might have been.

Of course it’s important to be appropriate, and the way to be appropriate is to stay the hell away and mind your own goddamn business.

All this proves is that men are often not approaching these women. You can give me a statistic or number and call it a "study," but it doesn't really prove much, does it? You're not explaining why these guys aren't approaching, just showing that they aren't. Or, rather, that you don't see them approaching. Sure, I really don't either, but I also don't spend all day staring at strangers. And most people hate rejection, right? They're probably not going to make a cold approach when surrounded by an audience, in case they get rejected. It doesn't mean strangers never approach each other in public. I've done it.

I would also rather live for myself and not just do things because I see other people doing them.

There's no benefit to using some personal "study" to justify bitterness and negative feelings. If you don't want to approach strange women in public, you don't have to. It doesn't mean you have to build some ideology out of a personal preference. I don't understand why polite, level-headed advice offered on this site is always countered by shrill, scathing "facts" produced by individuals angry with their social life; and despite their ability to "prove" how awful society or the opposite sex is, the anger these individuals have is proof they have an expectation of more, which just contradicts their supposedly rational, factual viewpoint. Too many people here insist on the worst possible outcome, and get upset when they receive it. I don't know what else to say. I tend not to approach strangers in public because I don't care for it. It's not my religion, though, and that personal preference doesn't help the OP.

^^ This is has nothing to do with some personal agenda or some bitterness that you imagine I have.

I am talking common sense.

these guys don't approach anyone in those places, because the social rule is to mind your own goddamn business in such places and not to bother strangers.

I thought this is a common sense - not much it seems so here.

Did you miss my post? Or are you ignoring it because it interferes with your agenda?