Do Aspies never marry or have kids?

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Interesting enough subject. Answer likely vary as much as the individuals contemplating (or not) marriage and children. I have been married and divorced twice. First marriage I had four children. Second marriage she already had three so was enough and neither of us had a desire for more. I had safe spaces in my houses for both marriages where I could get away from the drama and more importantly the noises. Even so, I am so cut and dried (black and white) in my thinking that both marriages went badly. It wasn't the direct cause of the failing of the marriages, but played a good size role in sinking them both.

I coped the best I could as I did in the rest of my life in an NT world. I must note that I had no idea I was on the spectrum at the time let alone know much of anything about it. After I was divorced the second time things were better for a time. Economy stresses, loss of job, health declining all led to everything crumbling around me. I have always been depressed and never went for treatment. Needless to say it also blew up on me along with numerous meltdowns, etc. One meltdown cost me a job immediately. Another I lost due to my communication deficits. But I have strayed from the topic but for a reason. I didn't know I was on the spectrum. After losing all and being a complete mess, I was finally diagnosed. On to my answer for the marriage and children thing.

School of hard knocks on the marriage. Looking back my issues with sensory overload and black and white attitude had much to do with bad relationships. One spouse's way of dealing was with finding love elsewhere including the offspring to prove it. Had I known or we should I say I doubt it would have changed things. Other then we probably never would have married to start with. The second spouse had money issues which partially caused the destruction of her first marriage. Second issue were her children two of which were initially diagnosed as ADD but as it turned out, both were schizophrenic. It of course caused even more issues and the whole family unit was a complete powder keg. Some my fault at dealing with the issues poorly, the rest was her attitude of my kids can do no wrong. In short, this marriage blew up as well.

My conclusion is at least for me, children and marriage should NEVER have been on the table. Had I known what I do now, I may or may not have gotten married or had children. Back then it wasn't a well known item in these parts. For me at least without special support and coping skills, it would always end up a disaster. Perhaps with good support it may have been achievable. However let's be honest, not many potential objects of affection would knowingly engage with us which in turn makes the prospects of having a relationship harder. Unless you hide it and don't tell them. Not recommended as they will know something is amiss. With the awareness now and looking back at myself over the years, it was clear what the issue was. Both to myself and others.

For some this is doable and achievable as no two of us are alike. For others, think long and hard and get your social skills refined along with your coping skills. I also would wait for marriage and especially children. Live together first if your upbringing will allow for it. Get the kinks ironed out before going full tilt. If both partners go into this with eyes open and fully informed, it should be achievable. Especially with a good support network. Easy to do? Nope! You have to really want it! Marriage is like this without our issues and many fail. Regardless, don't be in a hurry and take your time. Enjoy working together and each other's company. If you can't do that, for the sake of your future children, DON'T! I won't even go into how messed up mine are...

My Grandpa has Autism so yes, people like us *can* have families and all that.

My girlfriend tells me she had similar thoughts. She thought that her condition, and its repercussions, would make her unable to raise a child.

However, that has changed once I entered the picture. We're working to move in together and we've talked about marriage and children. She wants those things. With me, of all people! I'm a lucky as f**k NT, that's for sure. My point is that, yes, Aspies marry and have kids.

I think it's down to the person. I'm sure there are loads of aspires out there in full time employment, married with kids and owning their own houses etc etc.

For me personally I have always wanted to remain single, unmarried and without children. I did go through an 'experimental' phase between 20-24 where I had two boyfriends - the last one I stopped talking to two years ago and have never fully recovered from that and if anything it's only made me all that more determined to be single, unmarried and without children. My friends often pressure me and tell me I should be looking and that I'm still young and all that jazz but jeez... if I want to be alone I want to be alone.

But no, I think it's down to the person.