How can I ask a girl out in a public place?

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Dating sites are getting to be a drag. In some ways they ruin the mystery and in some ways they just don't work.

My goal is to get a date without the aide of a computer. How can I do this? How did you do this?

You ask her questions to express an interest in her and to gauge her level of interest in her willingness to respond and react to you; depending on how many questions she asks you back will give you your key.
Ice-Breakers later; here are some of the typical questions that are often asked during meeting people :

«Hi, what is your name ? (Whether you introduce yourself first or ask her name first is up to you)»
«Are you a student or do you work around here or both ?»
«What are you studying ? What got you interested in that/those subject(s) ?»
«What would you prefer to study instead ? (If she indicates any dislike of her study choice)»
«Where are you working ? Do you like working there ? What are your career-goals ?»
«What would you prefer to do in life instead of that kind of job ? (If she indicates dislike of her job)»
«So do you have a bunch of brothers and sisters ? (Will often prompt her to ask the same of you in return)»
«Have you lived anywhere else before ? Any place in the world you think you'd want to live at ?»
«Have you traveled outside of the country ? What places would you travel to if it were possible ?»
«Do you speak any other languages ?»
«Do you know a lot of people around here ? Are you living a house or apartment ?»
...then if she has expressed sufficient interest, and is not currently busy, you start going out immediately.
Example : «I feel kind of hungry. Don't you feel kind of hungry ? Let's go eat at [insert public location].»
Another Example : «This place seems kind of noisy, don't you think ? Then let's go to [public location] instead.»

~just to list a few examples, anyway, you should tailor these questions more specific to your tastes/preferences.

Ice-Breakers are a reference to Conversation-Starters. If you've asked her a dozen questions and she doesn't ask anything back of you, she is not interested in talking to you, but in most cases girls do want attention.

Example Ice-Breaker Whilst Sitting on a Bus Next to a Girl : «So where are you headed at this time of day ?»

Another example Ice-Breaker is when you over-hear girls at a table in like, perhaps one of those fast-food chains talking to one another about a topic that interests you, just walk up and ask : «Hey, I've been researching [name of subject] for quite a while now, mind if I sit down with you to join in your conversation ?»

I would need more input as to what kinds of situations and/or public places you're trying to ask a girl to spend some of her time with you. Are you going to a malls ? Restaurants ? Airports ? Bus-stations ? Train-stations ? Schools ? Businesses ? Grocery stores ? Events ? Parades ? Seminars ? Out on the streets ? The side-walks ? etc. ?

You just need to jump into the deep-end of the pool and get used to it like I did; Nothing substitutes experience. Although I no longer eat out (cooking or making my own food often tastes better, and is healthier, less expensive, and is less time-consuming than spending time leaving the abode to go somewhere to eat, etc.), the girls at (I believe this was at a Wendy's as I recall) that restaurant were both single, the tall one being quite beautiful (you wouldn't expect people from Cambodia to be that tall). I even got to hug her after we were all done eating before we got into our cars (although we did exchange contact-information, I did not think to continue with «dating» them since I was a rather inexperienced Aspie at the time, not even recognising that it could be called a date, and I was tired and needed to sleep in my car in order to have enough rest for sufficient energy for my work-assignment the next day).

I was also not good at follow-ups. Even with lots of contact-information of lots of people, unless you're actually keeping in-contact with at least one person regularly per week, your «relationships/friendships» are not going to go very far unless you can somehow force yourself into calling your friend(s)/prospect(s) each week, for purposes of inquiring about any «news» that they might have for you, otherwise your rolodex is only a dust-collector. For this purpose it is useful to ask : «What day of the week and at which time of the day is best for calling you ?»

I had to spend a hell of a lot of time out in the trenches to learn these things from the schools of hard-knocks (whilst juggling full-time-working whilst living in a car; nobody could tell that I was homeless though, even a school-recruiter was impressed, telling me that he never would have guessed that I was living homelessly, considering how I looked so clean and professional in my business-suit with tie and a brief-case and all), even had security guards at a mall called on me one time when I was new to this «outgoing social-interaction» cra~err~nonsen~ahem~I mean... such NT-oriented ritualistic-stuff (randomly asking young girls if they wanted to have dinner with me which caused some sort of pedophile-alert because you know the whole entire country of the USA is full of pedophiles and stuff and even now more-so in the spotlight now that #PizzaGate has come to light being now more and more referred to as #PedoGate), but at least you have actual real-world examples of processes/methods that I have personally used and field-tested. Yes, from an actual Aspie himself, with exact examples for specific questions and situations that I have personally experienced.

Most of the «interest-gauging questions» I provided above are somewhat standard. Try to MEMORISE them so that asking them point-by-point becomes natural for you. What is your name, what brings you here, are you studying or working (less standard but would apply to those on welfare : What do you think about the welfare-state ? Does it seem like most people on welfare either don't really need it or were more-likely forced onto it ?), what got you interested in your school/work/etc., do you prefer to travel by/on bus/foot/bicycle/car/train/tram/plane/helicopter/etc., any brothers/sisters, living with parents or on your own, how many roommates, and other stuff about life in general, etc.

hang around and associate yourself with people who have similar interests and goals as you do, to heighten your chances of being able to find a date who you will be able to stand in the long run. easier said than done of course, but this is one of the aspects of building relationships that the internet has made easier.

icebreakers are important, and i think Ban Dodger here listed some good ones, though as you get to know the person it may be best to personalize your questions, ask them about their life, their interests. people rarely have the patience to hear monologues on the lives of strangers.

how do you mean, "ask a girl out in a public place?" what will you have to gain from doing it there? (just curious)

how did i do this? well...i was told by a former friend of my (future) GF that she was interested in me, and then i told her i felt the same way. i made a dumb little drawing asking her if she's go to the senior prom with me (she was a freshman), and she accepted it.

for me, that took all my guts

of course, we both ended up hating the prom and went to her house to watch pulp fiction, which i enjoyed my more. so it was more the gesture/thought that mattered, there, i think. there was never a moment where we said "ok, you and i, let's be a couple", but that day was just the beginning of the path that led to her finally referring to me to a shop clerk as "my boyfriend" that november...and it was set.

couldn't explain it any better, sorry.

You would need an active social life.

You can't ask out strangers.

Icebreakers/conversation starters are the hardest for me. I actually hate them. People will give me advice and say, "Ask her about her job."

My immediate thought process is this:
Why do I want to know that? In and of itself, what is the usefulness of that information regardless of what she says? Assuming I never see this person again, how will that information be useful? So I've just spent precious energy trying to mine for useless information. Not only that, but that also brings up the terrible possibility that in return, she'll ask about my job and I hate talking about my job.

For me, unless I know we have common interests worth discussing, I'm incapable of conversing with people. Needless to say, I'm currently single, have always been single and don't see that changing.

I probably wouldn't ask out a girl cold in a public place like a train or whatever---unless you are fortunate enough to get into a long conversation with her, and have definite common interests, AND she happens to be single and looking.

Just asking a girl out cold is asking for rejection and maybe trouble.

I don't know how I succeeded to picking up a few girls on the subway in the 1980s. It's probable that the girls were desperate for some sort of company.

The best thing to do is to attend events where people are gathered to enjoy a common interest (e.g., Star Trek conventions).

The ONLY way: become her friend first, or at least a friendly acquaintance. Do not ask out strangers, because that rarely works (and when it does, it's usually someone who's quite suave to begin with).

Join clubs/organizations that fit your interests, try to get to know the people there, and if you get along well with someone, ask them to join you for coffee or something outside of the group.

Ok. I won't ask out girls in the lift.

I defer to the Golden Rule on this one, as I often do. You have to keep in mind that it's never about YOU. It's about HER and what she wants. You don't get to ask for anything for yourself.

"Do for others as you would have them do for you." In other words, if you want to be interesting to others, you must first BE INTERESTED in others. Find out what excites your mark, then hold up a mirror to her to reflect back those best qualities, taking care to only show her what she wants to see in herself. "You do what at your job? Wow, that sounds fascinating! Please tell me more!" "You enjoy underwater basket weaving? That sounds so cool! Do you have a minute to tell me how you do that? Ok, that just officially made my bucket list! Do you think we could get together so you could teach me underwater basket weaving? Awesome!"

Who cares what you're interested in? She only cares if you're interested in her. Because she's selfish. Because we're all selfish. Your post is riddled with your own self-interest. I'm posting for my own reasons. That's just how humans are made. The Golden Rule is a direct appeal to human self-centeredness. Once you take that step towards fulfilling the desires of others, they are yours to do with as you please. Why? They like the way you make them feel and will do anything to keep you.

The quickest way to getting rid of someone is to make yourself the star of the show. A bully, for instance, thrives on his own contempt for others. You get rid of them fast by either passively ignoring them or by fighting back and crushing them completely. With the first tactic, you're the victim who, as such, gains popularity through the sympathy of others and depriving the bully of what he wants: attention from you and your sympathizers. With the second tactic, you either gain his respect and possible allegiance for at least trying to stand up to him or you are feared as an insane maniac and a serious threat at worst and a potential embarrassment at best. Either way, all eyes are on you, hence you represent a liability to your attacker.

In my view, a bully who fears me is useless. A better approach is find what they really want and deliver. They will begin to seek you out. They will try to coerce you. You respond with "On one hand I've got Jack, and on the other I've got $h!+, and right now neither one of them are talking. So how about you do me a little favor and I'll see about what I can do for you..." Now you have power over your enemy. And one enduring truth in this world is you should never put too much trust in your friends, but rather learn how to use your enemies.

It all goes back to human greed and the Golden Rule. Talk about yourself with a girl and she'll get bored. Make her talk about herself and you've got a RELATIONSHIP. Try to make her do only what you want and she will leave you. Make her feel important and she will follow you to the ends of the earth.

I would love to be able to talk about her, but at this point, the only thing I would know about her is that I find her attractive. Walking up to her and asking, "Hey, what do you like talking about?" isn't a good idea. At this point, I have absolutely no idea what she likes talking about. If I don't know what she likes talking about, I can't talk to her about anything she likes talking about.

You ask without asking,

And if you pay attention, she's already told you. What is she doing right now? Or whenever you interact? I once managed to chat up a girl in the park on the jogging path. We started out talking about exercise goals. Then I threw out a rabbit to chase--it was mid-morning, so why wasn't she at work? Turns out she's a nurse at the hospital and she goes jogging when she goes off night shift. From there I found out where she went to college and how long she's been a nurse.

I'm not saying you'll necessarily succeed in picking up "random girl on the street." I'm just saying it's always a possibility. And if you're already familiar or acquainted with someone, your chances go up.

My suggestion would be to downplay your attraction to someone. Attraction is emotions and pheremones. Men who are attracted to women are less than a dime a dozen. What women want are guys genuinely interested in them and will set aside all that they are to make them feel special. And I don't mean to generalize women here, but that applies to everyone. Men want women to see to our base, primal needs and smile while they do it. Men know that women are actually the ones in charge, but women who make a show of solidifying our grip on power endear themselves to us. Which is a large part of why women find it so off-putting when we talk about ourselves. Forget about being attracted to someone and focus on elevating the person. Practiced enough, and you'll find getting someone to reciprocate who you happen to also find attractive is fairly easy to do.

This.

You look like a right weirdo asking girls out randomly who you don't have some social tie with these days.

For me I can go into a metal club and everyone knows me cause they're all regulars, so if I wanted to date I'd just ask one of my friends to find me single people who are friends with them and that's how you meet single people without the use of the internet.

You don't ask them out, you flirt with them. If they are interested, they will do it more than once, and then you have something to build on.

And yes, it works. If you do it right. Which means you shouldn't mix NT-preferences (dating and asking out) with ND preferences (flirting at a distance and slowly get to know somebody from a distance).

That's not an attractive option to me. I don't want friends to select partners for me. I prefer to do that myself.

Correct, and this is why NDs shouldn't even think about using this "method". It's an NT preference, so we have no reason to try it. Even if we happen to succeed with it, we will just get an NT girl "on the hook".

It's not a method, though. It's just a fact of human nature. The problem we, erm, NDs (as you put it) have is we have difficulties fully understanding the interconnectedness of all human lives and how we reap the benefits of service to others. Logically, reciprocity just doesn't make sense. I can function just fine all by myself, thankyouverymuch, and I fail to see how helping you or participating in society has any beneficial effect on me. Concepts such as corporate solidarity and interdependence are completely lost on us.

NTs possess an ability to see the immediate benefit of doing good for others through reciprocity. They do good things for each other because they know they can get something out of it in return. NDs looking from the outside in see a bunch of hypocrites and are confounded as to why we should play their little "games." We're no different because we're selfish and entitled just like they are. We just don't make the leap to outreach as they do because we have a harder time seeing the point of it.

I don't offer a method so much as a mindset, the ugly fact of human nature that we're all self-centered. Reciprocity transcends greed when we stop thinking about WHY we do good for others and good becomes a force of habit. Human evil will ALWAYS be the primary motivation for actions--it's just that we reach a point in our behavior where evil ceases to have any meaningful presence "out there." Moreover, reciprocity is contagious and can radically affect those whose desires and contempt for others motivates them towards destructive behavior. Deep down, we are all the same. It's our response to it that makes us unique.

My "method" is more about putting reciprocity to work in a structured, conscious pattern of behavior within the context of dating. If you follow that EXACTLY as I say, I can ALMOST guarantee you'll have a gf within a year, two years tops. First, you have to buy into the possibility and build confidence, which means developing mutual comfort between yourself and the moos you come in contact with. Next, build your circle of friends to establish your dating pool. Then expand your dating pool. Use the Golden Rule, focus on the interests of others to build lasting relationships. Begin narrowing your pool to those with whom you feel a mutual attraction. When you're down to three regular dates, pursue an exclusive relationship. You should be able to get this one right on the first try, but at least you have options. Then ride the LTR as far as it will take you, but I'd say if you can't get married within two years, you might want to go back to square one. That's it in a nutshell, not to ignore each step or stage is a bit more nuanced than that.

I'm sure there are other ways to do it, and my way isn't necessarily THE way. My way actually avoids dating in any conventional sense because of the tendency of many NDs towards fear and awkwardness in asking girls out. It's the whole "creep" factor, and yes, I've experienced that, too. My approach also assumes an inability to effectively flirt and doesn't pressure anyone into doing something that would come across as forced and awkward, or, even worse, disingenuous. So rather than "dating," I'd encouraging casual get-togethers and then just let nature take its course. I also emphasize that rejections and breakups are the norm, which is a GOOD thing since ultimately the goal is monogamy, i.e. to the exclusion of all the rest of your potential dating pool. Understanding that should help anyone following that strategy feel encouraged. Aspies tend to favor a rational strategy, which I encourage to avoid any more emotional turmoil than necessary. It's hard enough for some of us to attract a mate, so we tend to hang on to relationships with a death grip only to be confused when things don't work out. By keeping casual, keeping expectations and pressures low, and reducing dating to a numbers game, you eliminate much of the emotional risk while remaining open to the best option for you.

As much as possible, I try to frame things in "5 Easy Steps" because most people find that easiest to relate to.

But in absolute terms of being the ONLY path to follow, no, you can do what you want. The only universal constants are reciprocity and availability. Are you in a position to meet moos? Do you consistently and effectively use the Golden Rule to appeal to selfish and corrupt human nature to make yourself attractive? Any "plan" or strategy that affirmatively addresses those questions is virtually guaranteed to work