Are most men struggling to get healthy weight women?

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Alliekit
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19 Mar 2017, 9:53 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:

Nothing to say about the assumption you made?



**cricket sounds***


Its a sad day when a grown man can't apologise for making an assumption


Acting as a grown man here is boring.

And at "sad day"...lol give me a break, you're too serious.


Maybe you would prefer decent human being?



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Mar 2017, 10:18 am

Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:

Nothing to say about the assumption you made?



**cricket sounds***


Its a sad day when a grown man can't apologise for making an assumption


Acting as a grown man here is boring.

And at "sad day"...lol give me a break, you're too serious.


Maybe you would prefer decent human being?


Actually....the **cricket sounds*** was a humorous acknowledgement that you were right, but it flew over your head.



Alliekit
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19 Mar 2017, 11:59 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:

Nothing to say about the assumption you made?



**cricket sounds***


Its a sad day when a grown man can't apologise for making an assumption


Acting as a grown man here is boring.

And at "sad day"...lol give me a break, you're too serious.


Maybe you would prefer decent human being?


Actually....the **cricket sounds*** was a humorous acknowledgement that you were right, but it flew over your head.


It did but I suppose that comes with the aspie territory. I was just offended by the idea that I don't pull my own weight. If that is the case then I apologise for my previous words.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Mar 2017, 12:30 pm

Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:

Nothing to say about the assumption you made?



**cricket sounds***


Its a sad day when a grown man can't apologise for making an assumption


Acting as a grown man here is boring.

And at "sad day"...lol give me a break, you're too serious.


Maybe you would prefer decent human being?


Actually....the **cricket sounds*** was a humorous acknowledgement that you were right, but it flew over your head.


It did but I suppose that comes with the aspie territory. I was just offended by the idea that I don't pull my own weight. If that is the case then I apologise for my previous words.


You are forgiven, now you can kiss my hand.



sly279
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22 Mar 2017, 4:12 pm

Closet Genious wrote:
314pe wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Maybe at that point I should start dressing like a poor bloke, to help distinguish between real love and utility based interest.

That will only work if there is a difference.


Good point. I honestly don't know if there is.
But if there is, hypothetically the chance of attracting the wrong women will decrease quite a bit.
I've been thinking about dressing more like a dork, because I seem to attract shallow girls I have nothing in common with.

At least you attract any women I've never attracted any



ZachGoodwin
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22 Mar 2017, 4:28 pm

At times like these for autistic men and women, I just can't fathom how bad it must sting when karma bites. If anything that makes me upset is constantly being told live and learn by my own peers, family, and friends, and all I ever wanted was to actually make them smile and laugh, and learn something new and unique, but instead garbage infests my life and the people who gave garbage to my peers, family, and friends is what I'm irritated the most about.

I don't wish for the most beautiful girlfriend on the planet, but rather someone who just is an honest girlfriend, and the milennials like myself made honesty something to be frowned upon.



Kiprobalhato
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23 Mar 2017, 1:10 am

ZachGoodwin wrote:
At times like these for autistic men and women, I just can't fathom how bad it must sting when karma bites. If anything that makes me upset is constantly being told live and learn by my own peers, family, and friends, and all I ever wanted was to actually make them smile and laugh, and learn something new and unique, but instead garbage infests my life and the people who gave garbage to my peers, family, and friends is what I'm irritated the most about.


karma may suck, and i rarely believe that it has bad intentions. yet often that is foiled by the thickheadedness of the recipient, karma won't do much if he who experiences it doesn't perceive the message, and fails to make an effort to change along those lines.

i think your irritatedness is justified, there.

ZachGoodwin wrote:
I don't wish for the most beautiful girlfriend on the planet, but rather someone who just is an honest girlfriend, and the milennials like myself made honesty something to be frowned upon.


that's a good thing to desire. honesty may be sorely lacking, but i hesitate to believe it was any more abundant "in the good old days", whenever that may be. i like to believe my partner is honest.

not sure why you think millennials tainted honesty?


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RayCarlsen
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23 Mar 2017, 10:54 am

Image

You should stop talking about "healthy weight". The bottom of the mortality curve is a BMI over 25. Weight isn't a big predictor until you get into the morbid ranges, 35+, and even then it's highly dependent on the individual.

If you're selecting for long term mortality, would you reject a woman if she had a history of breast cancer in the family? That's probably more significant than any BMI under 40.

Why not be rational and self-aware and say it like it is? You're picky and not attracted to a lot of women. Most men prioritize physical appearance and prefer thin women and it's not symmetrical statistically. (I.e. being slim and fit vs slightly overweight doesn't matter much for adult men.) It sounds like you're attracted to a subset of women who get attention from men more desirable to them than we are. And you're not attracted to the subset who don't get much attention from men. I have the same issue.



Esme
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07 Dec 2017, 1:58 pm

I'm having a similar issue trying to find men to date who aren't at either end of the 'spectrum' (i.e. either overweight OR muscled gym bunnies). I just want a lean, healthy guy who has a similar lifestyle to me. I can't stand junk food or sugar in the house and I like to stay active, so I don't think it's too weird to find guys who appear to follow that sort of routine more attractive. I have dated overweight guys and I've dated very muscley guys and couldn't force myself to be attracted to either. What you like it what you like. So I don't understand the shaming that some guys get when they say they want a slim girlfriend/wife. It's pretty natural to want a healthy mate. Yes, some people go for specific types outside of what the mainstream considers 'attractive' and that's totally fine. Men who say they love 'BBWs' or 'extra curvy' women generally get praised, whereas there is a clear double standard these days for men who say they prefer slim/toned women. I find it very odd.

And yeah, as some people have pointed out, two thirds of the population (if not more) in western countries like the USA or UK are now either overweight or obese. So those of us who stay a healthy weight are slowly becoming unicorns in society and our preferences seem to be considered increasingly socially taboo.



RetroGamer87
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07 Dec 2017, 4:48 pm

I don't know about neurotypicals but it sounds like most aspies are struggling to find a healthy weight partner.


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Closet Genious
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07 Dec 2017, 5:03 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
I don't know about neurotypicals but it sounds like most aspies are struggling to find a healthy weight partner.


I agree with this. The sad fact is, that no matter how attractive or intelligent us aspie guys are, we are still below average marketplace value.



RetroGamer87
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07 Dec 2017, 5:36 pm

Closet Genious wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
I don't know about neurotypicals but it sounds like most aspies are struggling to find a healthy weight partner.


I agree with this. The sad fact is, that no matter how attractive or intelligent us aspie guys are, we are still below average marketplace value.


Should we settle?

Sure it's possible for me to be (somewhat) attracted to a larger woman but the thing that bothers me most is having to walk on eggshells. Having to pretend she's the most attractive woman in the world when she's not even in the top 50 percent.

Some larger women are proud of their size. They're happy with their bodies the way they are. I can live with that. What's worse is larger women who hate their size, so I have to lie to convince them they're sexy when I don't actually think they're sexy.

I'm find with larger women who accept themselves but when a larger woman says that she hates being fat and then doesn't do anything about it, the level of cognitive dissonance that requires of both me and her is too much for me to handle.

I don't like lying, not just because it's immoral but also because it confuses me because having to keep track of two realities leads to me contradicting myself and walking on eggshells gives me a lot of stress :?


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Kiki1256
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07 Dec 2017, 10:13 pm

Sometime World wrote:
Like most HF Asperger men I have a difficult time meeting women as it is, as I have no social circle to meet or be introduced to women. I never made any friends during my latter HS, college and university years due to appearance-based bullying and/or shunning (125lbs, 5'9 and a face of a 14yo boy doesn't sit well for a 21yo man at the time; then sprinkle undiagnosed low level high functioning Aspergers on the top). Thus I adopted the 'lone wolf', "sod the lot of 'um!" persona and had to accept it. So all I ever had to rely on was online dating or meeting women through volunteer work or hobby groups. My work is all-male based Blue Collar, so there is no women at work. Every volunteer work I have undertaken, and every hobby club I have done (martial arts, photography. walking) the healthy weight girls are already taken, or they are retired women over 60, and the only few single women are obese. Obesity is not my thing, I can't help the way I'm wired. I tend to lose all attraction if a woman (of 5'2 > 5'6) tips over the 150lbs mark, or a BMI over 26, 26.5.

I'm now 172lbs, 5'10, with an average appearance. Look younger than my 39 years - somewhat neotenous face, black hair light pale skin. The main thing is I'm a healthy weight (17.5 > 18% bodyfat) and not really ugly in the face/skull... I don't think. I'm not an "ugly bloke" like say Toby Jones but nor am I anyway near the likes of the Jessie Pavelka's or Rav Wilding's of this world.

Anyway, my experiences have been pretty depressing with online dating. My reply rate is probably under 1%. That is for every 100 average women of healthy weights I send a message to, maybe just 1 has the courtesy to reply back (probably more like 1 in 150). This tends to lead to nowhere because I feel they are often rude, standoffish or are just leading me on to bolster their ego. There is no "Game" to win these women over, they aren't pets than be 'tricked' into liking you, they simply have better looking guys holing them up from another browser. I never get messaged from a healthy weight woman, that is they never contact me first. On those rare occasions when a woman does contact me first (about one every 2 months I'm active) they are always very overweight women, i.e. 175lbs+, 200lbs, 250lbs. They dangle me a carrot, but big women/BBW is just not my thing and I don't message them back.

I think I know what is going on in a nutshell. For a start there is perhaps only 18 female profiles per 50 male profiles on most -- if not all-- dating sites. Then we could say that at least half of those 18 females are too overfat for the majority of men like myself, so we have about 8 or 9 healthy weight female profiles created per 50 male profiles created.

So any healthy weight/slim woman with an average face (or even below average face) gets inundated with hundreds of prospective suitors a month in her inbox. Women of healthy weights know they can use their healthy bodies as 'bait' (with seductive full body pics) to lure a male of higher genetic worth than herself (i.e. better looking than her) in outright lieu of ignoring, rejecting or even abusing average men of healthy weights in her own objective league.

So. No single healthy weight women in my real world (they are all taken) and online dating makes me feel like worthless ugly s**t.

Any guys going through the same stuff?


How do you know how much they weigh?

I wanted to mention that “healthy looking” and “healthy weight” can mean different things for a lot of people. Most guys would probably rather date a chubby girl who exercises and has a healthy looking complexion than a skinny girl who never exercises and has a dehydrated, acne-ridden complexion from poor eating habits. Fashion sense matters, too. Weight is only one piece of the puzzle.



314pe
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08 Dec 2017, 1:06 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Should we settle?

Sure it's possible for me to be (somewhat) attracted to a larger woman but the thing that bothers me most is having to walk on eggshells. Having to pretend she's the most attractive woman in the world when she's not even in the top 50 percent.

Only you can decide if you should settle with an imperfect girl or stay single.



sly279
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08 Dec 2017, 3:23 am

314pe wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Should we settle?

Sure it's possible for me to be (somewhat) attracted to a larger woman but the thing that bothers me most is having to walk on eggshells. Having to pretend she's the most attractive woman in the world when she's not even in the top 50 percent.

Only you can decide if you should settle with an imperfect girl or stay single.

No human is perfect. An imperfect girl can be the perfect girlfriend. Her imperfections can be cute.