Is it really that difficult to understand the friendzone?

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26 Mar 2017, 11:02 pm

I think "friendzone" is a harmless, fair word to use so long as it's not used bitterly.

For instance; Bob and Alice have been friends for a long time. Bob develops a crush on Alice, Alice isn't interested. Therefor, Bob is in the friendzone. Bob isn't bitter about it because he's not a jerk, but naturally he's disappointed that things won't progress further.

Is that usage of the word really something that upsets people?

RetroGamer87
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27 Mar 2017, 12:56 am

Sabreclaw wrote:

Yes, that usage of the word really upsets people.

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Sabreclaw
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27 Mar 2017, 1:01 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Sabreclaw wrote:

Yes, that usage of the word really upsets people.

So a word that simply defines a state; to be a friend but not capable of more, is insulting? That seems strange to me. I wouldn't be bothered in the slightest if a woman I rejected but was still friends with said I friendzoned her.

RetroGamer87
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27 Mar 2017, 3:12 am

Sabreclaw wrote:

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Sabreclaw wrote:

Yes, that usage of the word really upsets people.

I don't think it's insulting but that word really upsets people who are looking to be offended.

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Zed90230
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27 Mar 2017, 8:19 am

From my POV as an asexual, the whole idea of a "friendzone" is just plain silly. A person is either a friend or they're not.

The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Mar 2017, 11:50 am

Sabreclaw wrote:

No no no, it means he was pretending friendship all along; you know, because Bob was supposed to know whether he likes her or not in the first 15 seconds he met her and reveals his true intentions back then; God forbids that it took him time with her to develop feelings. He is not a man, he is a liar Nice Guy.
The slightest feeling of disappointment means that he feels he was ENTITLED to her pants, therefore he is a dirty Friendzoned pig who deserves to die.

/TypicalInternetMenHater_Mode.
/Typical Narrative.

Alliekit
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27 Mar 2017, 1:49 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sabreclaw wrote:

It's only when a guy gets upset and is rude that he is labelled as such. Usually a Nice Guy(tm) uses insults once rejetted such as:

Fat
Ugly
LesbIan
Slut
'You only date douchebags so can see when a nice guy like me comes along'
'You are too confident considering you're ugly'
'You're boyfriend only wants you for sex not like a good guy like me'
'Unlike other men I see you have a wonderful personality' 5 minutes later 'I hoped you get used by some douche bag slut"

And those are the tame insults. So yea you guys have it bad with girls assuming but instead of being pissed at the women why not be pissed at the men using these insults and giving real nice guys a bad name.

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27 Mar 2017, 6:52 pm

Aaendi wrote:

RetroGamer87 wrote:

I know it sounds ridiculous for a feminist to say that guys say things like "I spent $50 on dinner so she owes me sex" but a few guys like that exist.

It's ironic how if you choose not to waste money on women you're not even interested in, they think you're just "mad because she's not having sex with you." What if you just don't want to waste money.

I've never heard anyone imply a guy is 'just mad because she wont have sex' in response to the guy not spending money on women he's not even interested in. I've more heard it in situations where a guy demands money he spent on a date back from her or sends her a text calling her a whore or a sl*t if she ends up not wanting to have sex or a relationship with them.

That said though why would a guy be spending money on women he's not even interested in anyways? To lead them on?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Mar 2017, 12:43 am

Alliekit wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sabreclaw wrote:

You know...honestly I think these either came from drunk, drugged guys or you make up stuff (or too spiced up).
These are so cliche Nice Guy lines.

RetroGamer87
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28 Mar 2017, 2:32 am

Alliekit wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sabreclaw wrote:

Yeah, I think when people get upset at the term Friendzone they might be thinking of those guys when the guy using the term could have meant it in a more neutral way.

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Alliekit
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28 Mar 2017, 5:36 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Alliekit wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sabreclaw wrote:

You know...honestly I think these either came from drunk, drugged guys or you make up stuff (or too spiced up).
These are so cliche Nice Guy lines.

They are genuine lines that my two friends have recieved and some are what I recieved in okcupid. I mostly get called fat and ugly. My friend B Gets alot of slut, lesbian and friend S gets alot of stuck up, douchebags etc.

I wish thesee guys were drunk etc but sadly they actually belive you are disrepecting them when you say "I'm sorry I'm not interested" or "sorry I don't feel any chemistry". On the other hand I did have one gentleman change his profile pic to a dick pic when I politely declined his invitation for sex in order to "convince me"

If you think I'm lying you should check out bye felipe or the nice guys subreddit. It's not an unusual occurance.

Also things are often cliché for a reason (i.e. they are used alot). Weirdly enough they aren't that creative with their insults.

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28 Mar 2017, 6:07 am

I believe Alliekit. Check out r/incels if you want to see some examples of self-proclaimed "nice-guys" who are in fact bat-shit crazy and evil.

RetroGamer87
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28 Mar 2017, 6:59 am

Sabreclaw wrote:

I believe Alliekit. Check out r/incels if you want to see some examples of self-proclaimed "nice-guys" who are in fact bat-shit crazy and evil.

Oh wow, I don't know whether to laugh or be appalled at that reddit. At least we know why they're celibate.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Mar 2017, 7:11 am

Alliekit wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Alliekit wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sabreclaw wrote:

You know...honestly I think these either came from drunk, drugged guys or you make up stuff (or too spiced up).
These are so cliche Nice Guy lines.

So some of these lines are stories told to you by others; and some of these lines you received from internet trolls - and not from some former friends who were secret admirers toward you and turned into jerks after rejecting them (which is the typical description of Nice Guy).

So I don't know what your reply had anything to do with my post at all, I was clearly referring to a scenario of unrequited love between two friends (IN REAL LIFE; not the internet) why did it even bother you in the first place? - I was not referring to random insults from some random internet trolls on okc or whatever.

Bustduster
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28 Mar 2017, 8:28 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

I don't quite understand what you're on about, I don't see what is misandrist about basically saying it is B.S to be nice to a girl or 'befriend' her just to get sex, and then be a dick to her if she's not interested in that.

A real friend will listen to their friend of an opposite gender complain about their ex or current relationship without expecting that friend to just date them instead. Also would listen to them speak positively of their relationship without hoping in the back of the mind that it fails and your opposite gender friend chooses you instead of their S.O.

Your not being a friend if you expect sex in return for kind behavior towards someone.

Is it really that difficult for some people to understand no means no?

This. It's exactly the reason why I don't make friends with women I fancy who don't fancy me back - because, by definition, such a friendship can never be real, because neither party is getting what they want. The man isn't getting sex or a relationship, and the woman isn't getting a true friend - just someone hovering around in the background hoping she'll change her mind about sleeping with him, or leave her current boyfriend for him. Such friendships really are a complete waste of everyone's time and effort.

On the other hand, when it comes to women I'm not sexually attracted to I have no problem being friends with them, because that way there's no conflict of interest (unless they fancy me, but that's a whole other can of worms...)

Last edited by Bustduster on 28 Mar 2017, 8:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

Alliekit
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28 Mar 2017, 8:41 am

Sabreclaw wrote:

I believe Alliekit. Check out r/incels if you want to see some examples of self-proclaimed "nice-guys" who are in fact bat-shit crazy and evil.

Thanks any I do know it not most guys but it does make you more weary. Like you don't know if a guy who thinks you have Friendzoned him will be just sad and dissapointed (which is of course understandable) or react badly.

Also there are nice girls out there, my fiance was talking to a girl in Iceland. When he told her he had met me she called him a liar and told him "he was too weird to actually meet someone" and that the whole time she was "giving him a chance out of pity" completely changed her tune. She also insilted his manhood which is common for nice-girls(tm). They usually get labelled as psycho. I spose in a way guys get mistaken for nice-guys and women get mistaken for psychos sometimes

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