Why is attraction so nonsensical

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But our culture promotes highly dysfunctional standards in this area. People have a much more keen sense of smell nowadays because of the cleanliness norm, and I'm sure that when this was not the norm, people weren't put off by smells. If anything, it should be particular smells that attracts people, and not particular smells that puts people off.

That's pretty much my original point. Attraction feels so good, but it's not a good indicator of who is a good match for us most of the time. It's weird. It's a great feeling, but often misleading and you have to combat it with common sense or you'll end up making a mistake.

A person is really lucky if they find someone who they are not only physically attracted to, but also spiritually and mentally attracted to. Like Sweetleaf. She hit the jackpot. I know other people in her shoes and they are happy too.

Attraction isn't all bad. It's just misleading and frustrating on its own if there is nothing more substantial between us and the other person.

Sweetleaf used online dating.

I am the exact same way, if it doesn't make sense to me, if for example; she is way more attractive than me or out of my league, or I can't meet her often (ie. distance) - I simply wouldn't be attracted to her.

I dunno, it only really seems nonsensical from the female point of view and I think that is simply because a lot of women don't know what they really want and aren't totally honest with themselves with what they actually find attractive. What is attractive to a guy I think is pretty straight forward and not akin to finding a needle in a haystack at all but it seems like what OP wants is literal love at first sight from the perfect person. What do you want out of a relationship, what do you find attractive, what are the must haves and must nots? I think if you can answer these questions honestly then it wouldn't seem so nonsensical in my opinion.

What's your point? Attraction isn't just physical.

I think it is. When people talk about other kinds of attraction, it really is not attraction, but something else, so another word should be used for it.

Male attraction is pretty stereotypical and different males seems to rate female attractivity about the same. That makes the whole concept pretty much unusable for partner selection, except for the top males. Thus, we expect that attractivity doesn't really play any significant role for the majority of males. They need to use other selection criteria than attractivity if they expect to succeed with getting a partner.

I don't think that is attraction in the typical sense. I am even more extreme. If a girl doesn't want to play the eye contact game with me, then I'm not interested (I use interest rather than attracted because it seems to be more accurate). If she participates, it really doesn't matter if she is out of my league or not, I'd still find her interesting. OTOH, I do feel (sexual) attraction to very attractive women, but that's all. I have no interest in interacting with them unless they show interest in me.

Lol. Do you even read my posts. I don't believe in love at first sight and I mentioned further up about how people can grow on you.

My point that her slot machine had way more '7s' than the one hurtloam is relying on.

I don't really know what that means...what 'slot machine'?...Also I've never had a number system for rating attractiveness, that sort of thing has always seemed sort of silly to me.

You need to try the casino once, just for the sake of fun.

Every one seems to have a different opinion on this. It's very interesting.

If there's any lurkers we'd enjoy your input too.

I read things in a haze sometimes, my point was mostly that attraction is pretty simple for guys but I guess the question being asked is why doesn't attraction correlate with long term compatibility which I think can just be for some people not being honest with oneself about what they find attractive or knowing what they want they want out of a relationship. I get the impression that women find guys far less attractive than the other way around in general so I think the question is hard for me to grasp from that vantage point, I think there is a lot of unrealistic expectations all around and too much of a commodified "what can you do for me now" mindset when it in comes to relationships. That's what I get out of the negative connotation 'settling' seems to carry, the idea that you can get more out of the equation and win more in the relationship. Also, I don't think not believing in love at first sight doesn't mean that isn't something someone still might subconsciously desires. What do you actually want out of a relationship?

The rigidity we have on the spectrum makes it more difficult to reciprocate and adapt as is needed in a successful relationship, those are the deficits I think I probably should really work and focus on if I were in a relationship. That's how people can grow together as a couple, if you struggle with that then you will probably struggle in your relationship I would imagne. I'm screwed up in other ways so there is work to be done on myself if I am going to be a truly independent person, anxiety is something that I can know is completely irrational but still experience it in the worst mental and physical way so I am kind of a slave to that condition unfortunately but I digress from talking about myself since the point being I get that it's all just easier said than done. What the hell do I know about long-term compatibility anyways? Probably the wrong guy to ask...