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Brianruns10
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27 Mar 2017, 11:10 am

So I'm trying online dating again, and built an all new OKC profile. I've really tried to put a lot of thought into it, to try to make myself as viable a potential match as possible. I emphasize the variety of my interests and my passions, and I even took new photos of myself. But so far no luck or responses. I don't know if I'm making a mistake or what. I fear it is because I'm just too ugly, despite my attempts to create good photos of myself. Would you all take a look and see if my profile is good or not?

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/KCDocumentarian



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Mar 2017, 11:44 am

It sounds very good to me, better than the 99% of the women's profiles I come across - seriously.

But it's no guarantee for anything, that what's so disheartening about online dating.



Keigan
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27 Mar 2017, 11:51 am

Your profile reads of what you do, not what you have to offer or are looking for. Basically "I" am totally into my thing and a loaner, you should "like" me for being "I" centric.

Good luck with that.



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Mar 2017, 12:00 pm

Keigan wrote:
Your profile reads of what you do, not what you have to offer or are looking for. Basically "I" am totally into my thing and a loaner, you should "like" me for being "I" centric.

Good luck with that.


Bah please, I've never came across a profile that tells what that they have "to offer"; that would sound so boasting.

He already said what he is looking for in the last section.



Alliekit
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27 Mar 2017, 5:11 pm

I think it's a really good profile. My only suggestion would be a different profile pic because in that one your face is a tiny bit squished :)

Also I disagree keigan because he talks about respecting about woman's dreams.

Some women might feel like they are not ambitious enough for but that doesn't matter :)



burnt_orange
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29 Mar 2017, 8:00 am

I would make it a bit more brief. You want to give some major talking points, but if you've already given out the answers to any questions they might have about you then what will you have to talk about?

Positives: you don't seem creepy, or like a psycho killer. You appear nice and normal. You seem to have your life in order. You have a good job that you enjoy.

You might try another photo as your main profile pic. One with a great natural looking smile.

Are you reaching out to women? If so, are you only contacting 10's? I would suggest finding a lady with similar interests who is as unique as you.



Chichikov
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29 Mar 2017, 11:08 am

It's pretty good to be honest. If I had to change anything;

"yearns to share life with someone who has her own dreams that I can help make a reality"

Women don't like that kind of stuff, that a man thinks he is needed to make her dreams come true, or that a man seems to invest so much in making her happy. Either way it's a turn-off and it's right at the start too so if someone is going to stop reading that might well do it.

"First Fridays I love checking out the galleries and West Bottoms. Other times I'm having dinner with my family or going to the theater. But most of the time, I'm hunkering down for a nice evening of editing, reading or watching a film."

As already mentioned you do come off as a "loner" and again it's a turn-off, it lowers your social value. If you're not valuable enough for other people to want to be around then why will you be of any value to her? I'm not saying you should lie and say you spend your weekends divided between your 100 best friends, but try to not make the "loner" thing stand out so much, even if it means lying my omission. Eg you like going to the theatre...there's nothing to say that you like doing so alone and she may well not infer that. Saying you like to eat with your family...again "loner" so say you have semi-regular dinner parties. It's still true...you just omit it is with your family. Stuff like that.



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Mar 2017, 11:20 am

After Brian does the 100s of little edit suggestions he's getting here, we end up with a profile that doesn't reflect Brian at all.



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Mar 2017, 11:24 am

burnt_orange wrote:
I would make it a bit more brief. You want to give some major talking points, but if you've already given out the answers to any questions they might have about you then what will you have to talk about?

Positives: you don't seem creepy, or like a psycho killer. You appear nice and normal. You seem to have your life in order. You have a good job that you enjoy.

You might try another photo as your main profile pic. One with a great natural looking smile.

Are you reaching out to women? If so, are you only contacting 10's? I would suggest finding a lady with similar interests who is as unique as you.



Well, if they can't find things to talk about beyond these basic stuff he mentioned in profile then what will they talk about on date 2 anyway?



ltcvnzl
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29 Mar 2017, 11:38 am

I just got the dimension of this gender unfairness in online dating, my profile is shitty and I still get some messages.

You seem a great person by your profile. I really admire people who have a career in something they are passionate about and it's obvious about you.

I just think this "yearns to share life with someone who has her own dreams that I can help make a reality" it's a bit cheesy.

I don't think it's bad to show you are a loner, as someone commented here. If you like to be alone, it's fine and I'm pretty sure there is woman who appreciate it as well.

Maybe you sound a bit workaholic (which isn't necessary bad), and too serious (again, not necessary a bad thing).

The problem seems to be more about dating dynamics than exactly with you.



Chichikov
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29 Mar 2017, 11:46 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
After Brian does the 100s of little edit suggestions he's getting here, we end up with a profile that doesn't reflect Brian at all.

And that's internet dating :)



RetroGamer87
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01 Apr 2017, 6:06 pm

Smile in your profile picture! :)


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Brianruns10
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02 Apr 2017, 7:15 pm

I deleted my OK Cupid account. I didn't get a single response from all the messages I wrote, and I'm convinced I'm hopeless, and besides, I'm too unnattractive. There is no one for me



ShadowProphet
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02 Apr 2017, 8:36 pm

If you want to quit, I don't blame you. Online dating is tough man, it really is, you're definitely not the only guy who has a hard time on there.

It's very competitive to be honest because you have to remember that unlike Tinder or Bumble, anybody can message anybody. As a result, women are bombarded with dozens upon dozens of messages, many that aren't even read. You two may be the perfect match for each other, but you don't get the chance to show that because she's being plastered by other men's mail. As a man, you can't afford to be sloppy with your messages or your bio, you have to stand out but at the same time be genuine. As a woman as long as you're hot, you can write anything in your bio, even "I like sticking cigaretteres up my butthole" and still match with everybody. It's unreal, but at the same time not too surprising.


I know it's more scary but in a way, you're actually better off meeting women in real life because there's far less competition.


If it were me, I would say keep your OkCupid profile up there and use it once a month or so. Log in once every month or two and just message as many women as you can. But online dating shoudn't be your primary way of finding a date because it's a huge letdown and ego shatterer.



ShadowProphet
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02 Apr 2017, 8:55 pm

ltcvnzl wrote:
I just got the dimension of this gender unfairness in online dating, my profile is shitty and I still get some messages.




Yeah women definitely have it loads easier with online dating, no contest. The prettier the girl, the wider the gap. Even average looking girls get far more success than the average guy does.

A typical man will message 100 woman and get anywhere from 1 in 10 to 1 in 20 woman who respond back. A typical woman may get 10-50 messages. And I guarantee you if the woman were to message 100 men first, half of them would respond back.

Some woman will make the argument they don't have it easier because they have to weed out the creeps or men who send sexual messages. That's true but think about it this way, would you rather have 50 people interested in you or 5 people interested in you? Because out of those 50 people, sure you may have to weed out the creeps, f*k boys, cereal killers, hobo manlets etc, but chances are if you know what to look for, you will find someone whom you're genuinely interested in. However, if you only have 5 people interested in you, there's no guarantee you will be attracted to all 5 girls, you may only like two of them. And out of those two girls you like, they're being pursued by dozens of other men.

I mean it would make sense that the more people who are willing to date you, the easier it would be. It's all about probability and your probability of finding someone increases if more are interested.

As long as you're a decently attractive girl, it doesn't matter what you write in your profile. How much you wanna bet if I used my sisters profile on Tinder, and made my bio say "when i'm bored at home, I like to fart stairway to heaven" and still match with everybody? It would be so hilarious, but i'm not going to do it.

Seems like a lot of women say im not good at this bio stuff just message me and see what happens ;) and still get matches left and right. It's crazy man.



burnt_orange
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02 Apr 2017, 11:02 pm

Women do not have it easier with online dating. Think of lots of gross random people you have nothing in common with harrassing you. Most men don't even read your profile. They see a pretty face and think, "I'd hit that," and bam send out a lame message. Then send another when you don't respond about how you're rude or whatever.

He asked for advice. That's what he got.

Don't be so hopeless dude. I think there is someone out there for YOU. I wouldn't say that about everyone because it's just not true.