Aspie Partner sometimes does not reply to text messages

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Anngables
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07 Apr 2017, 5:11 am

The problem was I didn't realise I had failed to reply. All good now tho misunderstanding sorted



RandomFox
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08 Apr 2017, 5:41 am

It's never been a thing that comes to me naturally - instant messaging with loved ones or friends. Boyfriends expected 'good mornings' and 'good nights' every single day, delays of like two hours within the day caused massive tantrums, I often was in the middle of reading or relaxing with music when somebody texted and let's say wanted (in a pushy way) a sexy chat... These things infuriated me to the point I wanted to throw my phone out of the window.

I really like daily emails though, when people sum up their day, their thoughts on what they saw or read that day... but then again something like that was a chore to my NT friends. I would love to receive and write hand-written letters, I really treasure post cards... so it's not like I don't enjoy communication at all. I think many decades ago people were used to this bigger amount of space in their relationships, they didn't expect instant replies and felt just fine waiting longer. Putting more thought and essence into the communication too.

Constant "what are you doing?" or "where are you?"... I know it's all normal for NT people and they enjoy it, but it almost feels like constantly being followed by someone or watched :? And then "why are you ignoring me?" What the actual... *bangs head on the desk* and even if you reply "I'm shopping for courgette" :D they carry on... Mate, I'm a) busy and b) can't handle supermarkets that well so at some point if I carry on with that conversation I'll just have a system overload and sit in my room listening to music for 5 hours and not want to speak or communicate at all. Then I'll get an angry message about ignoring and disrespecting and I'll shut up for good.



Alliekit
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08 Apr 2017, 8:22 am

I am absolutely awful at texting back I either read them and forget to text back or don't feel a sense of urgency to respond. Because of this my partner has talked to me about it. We came to a compromise that I will try harder and he will accept that I'm a bit rubbish at responding. Maybe its worth talking to him about how you feel about the sI tuition.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Apr 2017, 8:34 am

Ok for all this- I don't expect daily communication or texting by the hour; but if the woman *never* initiates communication while I am always the one who initiats, then eventually I dissmiss her as a potential partner.

There's no excuse for not initiating communication *oncr every while*; not even the typical stupid genderized execuses such as "I am a girl I feel a guy must initiate"; it only means she doesn't care.



RandomFox
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08 Apr 2017, 12:11 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ok for all this- I don't expect daily communication or texting by the hour; but if the woman *never* initiates communication while I am always the one who initiats, then eventually I dissmiss her as a potential partner.

There's no excuse for not initiating communication *oncr every while*


I agree, I had in my past some guys treating me like that (willingly) and that was the end of it for me, but I think it was their intention, they just wanted me to get lost basically.
Although I struggle with messaging I always remember to initiate quite often (it's probably 70:30 ratio, not 50:50) My messages are more like "Hey, I found a song you might like" or "How's your studying going? Any progress?" instead of generic "hi", "what are you up to".



Anngables
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08 Apr 2017, 1:19 pm

Well I stopped initiating cos my Aspie friend would get irritated if he were in the middle of things (I think he felt obligated to reply straight away otherwise I would think he was rude) .. . . Then he pointed out that it was always him initiating conversation. . . . .so agreed that if he is busy or in the middle of something just don't reply to until he is ready . . .. . I assured him I wouldn't mind and that seems to have worked.



cberg
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12 Apr 2017, 8:16 pm

Despite spending a lot of time around technology I spend the vast majority of my spare *social* time communicating directly so on a good day nobody really minds which particular direction a few texts were going.


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