How to get rid of a crazy ex girlfriend.

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Apologies for making so many topics, but I think this one actually warrants its own thread. I have since gone through all the necessary steps to get over my ex, and that's no longer an issue. What is, is that my ex isn't over me, and she's pulling out all the stops to get in touch with me. When I don't respond to her texts, she texts my family and friends and asks how I'm doing and if they can ask me to text her. My mom actually suggested to me that I do, so I did, and found out just how far off the deepened she has gone in the past three weeks. My mom told me I should talk to her parents so they can explain it to her, and while I do really like her parents and kind of miss them, I kind of just want to skip that step and move on.

I've tried talking things out with my ex, and she refuses to think rationally. When we were together she never really thought logically or empathetically either, which is a big part of why we're no longer together, but over that text conversation I got a full blast of her irrational insistence that she's always right even when I present a logical argument that she can't counter. I basically said goodbye, and if she keeps texting me I'll have to block her number, and her response was that I was being rude and I'm a terrible person.

Google had some good advice, and I'm thankful that I don't have to worry about home security or moving since she doesn't drive and I live a good 45 minute walk away from the nearest bus stop. I might have to consider blocking her number. I will still have to see her at church and I've resigned myself to that since I have no intention of moving churches or quitting my volunteering over something as petty as a crazy ex. I'll just have to minimize any contact with her.

Any advice?

Well even seeing her at church is going to be problematic from the sound of it. She's not going to drop it till you're actually gone. Though I don't understand why you like her parents they are part of why she's this way, they treat her like a 12 year old girl and thus she acts kind of like a 12 year old girl which is the main reason your relationship didn't work out. Maybe in time she will realize why this relationship ended and move on and perhaps work to become more independent and eventually hit it off with someone else....But from the sound of it you would actually have to be gone for her to quit trying to contact you at least for now.

Maybe take a break from going to your church for a while...or at least being there at times she is there(though not sure what all activities you do there or if there are different time slots to where you could avoid her). Also maybe make sure all your friends and family know you are broken up and that you don't want to get back with her so they don't pester you about contacting her.

Dude, LISTEN TO ME!! ! Or read my posts, but whatever...DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO and DO NOT deviate from my advice!! !!

Sorry for all the shouting, but am I getting through??? Cut off ALL contact with her, tell anyone who asks that you are NOT discussing her, and if it comes to this, inform her parents that you will report her to the police if she doesn't stop. Yes, you can have her arrested for what she's doing. Let's see how crazy lady stands up on a misdemeanour harassment charge. It shouldn't have to come to that. Enough is enough, man.

She's nuts. End of discussion. You don't want to hear her name ever again. Make that clear to your family/friends, and cut them off, too, if they keep this up. Hopefully you won't have to, but make it CLEAR that topic is strictly off-limits.

Well, if it comes to it, there are two church services and I can go to the other one, but lately I think she's been going to her parents' church, which isn't the same church, as I haven't seen her then. I don't have to go to our young adult's group but she hasn't been there lately either.

I can't stop volunteering on Friday nights, but we're usually encouraged to spend more time with kids of our gender, and these next couple weeks will be heavy on that, especially the one where we go out with our "small groups", where my ex and I won't even be in the same location. Moreover, when we were together my ex did mention something about not liking the management style of one of the people in charge of our volunteer group so she was thinking of moving on to helping with the younger kids next year, which is an entirely different group. Yes, it's done on a year by year basis and it's based on the school year, so it's almost over. So...I'll just have to hang in there and wait and see.Lol, I don't think it will come to filing a harassment charge. She can't get anywhere near my house by virtue of not being able to drive and not owning a vehicle. I have Facebook but I don't use it, so I won't see anything she posts there anyways. Texts are really all she can do, and interacting in person at church. I can easily block her number in my phone's settings, and with any luck it will get easier to avoid her at church.

We do have a mutual friend, but she's rational enough that she isn't going to invite us both to the same party or anything like that, and she's a neutral party and wishes to remain that way, which is great. I'm most concerned about one of my friends who's not the brightest. I mean, he's the kind of guy who asks a lot of questions, many of which are dumb because the answer is self-explanatory. He was actually passing along messages while my ex and I were together as she was Facebooking him to tell me to text her even back then, and I told him many times that he should ignore those messages as that's just weird. This last time I told him to ignore my ex's message he actually asked why, to which my response was "BECAUSE WE'RE NOT TOGETHER!" Ugh, sometimes I think he needs a crash course on...just life in general.

She's a very sheltered girl who has lost her one and only relationship...I don't think she's like dangerous crazy.

I wouldn't be so sure about that: in fact I would be even more worried about someone in this situation. All signs point to the POTENTIAL for a difficult situation. For some reason us Aspies seem to be drawn to messed up people.

Even though I left my ex 4 years ago, she STILL cyberstalks me to this date. She also lives a sheltered life and I was her only long term relationship. I actually saw her walking in my neighbourhood last week even though she is 45 minutes away and doesn't drive. I literally ran for cover like there she had a loaded gun and had to tell my wife why. She probably thinks *I* am the crazy one but I told her I might have to go to the police. Yes, even though it has been years she is highly impulsive and I don't need bystanders calling the cops on me after I push her to the ground to protect my family.

You have no idea how dangerous these sweet and kind girls can be until you experience it, especially when they have never heard the word "no" before. Female coworkers warned me cops would likely end up visiting me and I laughed it off. How prophetic those words were.

Now, back to the OP, my advice is to stand your ground. You seem to be doing great and making all the right moves so keep it up and DON'T GO BACK TO HER!! !!

Agreed. She's not dangerous, threatening the police and such isn't necessary. She's very hurt and confused, and slapping the word crazy or insane on that is unfair, she's acting as normal as anyone would after experiencing one of their first heartbreaks. With that said, OP has done everything within reason to make things right and make her understand, she isn't. Distance is the right thing to do. Don't contact with her, don't contact her friends and family, and don't show up somewhere that you might run into her. Time heals everything, and she'll just have to slowly learn to get over it. Might take a few months, but as long as she's able to get a hold of you, it isn't going to happen.

It sucks, but you feel you've done everything reasonable to get her to understand that things are over, and if she can't accept it, it's time for you to distance yourself.

Oh, but I do, and I think being sheltered just makes it worse. I get the psychology here, and with Tross trying to be the good guy and do the right thing only makes him vulnerable. Don't misunderstand, he IS doing the right thing and being the good guy. But that's like saying we're going to make guns illegal because, as everyone knows, criminals would NEVER get guns on the black market or use something else as a weapon, right?

I get the desperation of losing that first relationship. All of my failures tore me to pieces, and I was nearing my mid-20's before I got it all figured out. I know all too well how hard it is on both sides and how sometimes you'll fight it out to the bitter end if it means you have a chance, no matter how small. I get it. She will play the victim card because he's a nice guy who would NEVER hurt a sweet innocent thing like her. Something must have gone wrong, and maybe ONE MORE CHANCE will fix it.

And it won't.

It never does, not in this kind of situation.

My ex-fiancée on several occasions would blow up at me over something, threaten to leave me because she knew I'd come back saying I'm sorry and begging her not to leave me. I left her because I got sick of always being wrong and shaming myself by having to act so pathetic. I can't be with a woman who insists on keeping me neutered. After dumped her, there were the annoying phone calls, the constant excuses for us to hang out "as friends" (translation: FWB sex), the lies she told my friends... I eventually had to tell her to never call or approach me or I'd go to the cops. I didn't see or speak to her again for YEARS, and by that point we were both married to other people and had families of our own.

I should add we were both each others' firsts, so that made things really difficult. Me not SO much because I'd had gf's before.

The main thing here is just how pathetic she can be and how pathetic she can make her ex. Once friends and family get involved, it can really make your life miserable, especially when friends/family won't support your decision. She may not be 9mm or machete dangerous. But she can do a real number on your mind. That's what you really have to watch out for. Hiding the cutlery never hurts, either, though.

Well yes but my point was involving the police would be overdoing it, and likely just cause even more complications. No need to ruin her life over it just because she's taking it hard, and yes getting the cops involved could potentially make life a crap-load harder for her.

Was your ex-fiance an extremely sheltered and timid young woman with very little exposure to the world, and parents treating her like a 12 year old?

Misdemeanor harassment won't ruin lives. It'll set you back a $300 slap on the wrist and a half hour in jail until you get bailed out. But no employer will ask about it and you don't have to volunteer it.

My ex? Not EXTREMELY sheltered, but very timid when we first met, but she did come out of her shell in high school. Her parents spoiled her. When she was little, she'd throw all kinds of fits until her dad got sick of her and they'd dump her on her grandmother who in turn would spoil her. Her dad was a real character--verbally abusive, temper tantrums.

I'm the exact opposite. I'm more easy-going. You really have to put forth some effort to find my buttons. She was good at that, so I'd yell at her to get her off my back. Then she'd collapse into a sobbing mess and yell at me because I scared her just like her dad.

I figured out after we split that was exactly what she wanted, like a fetish or something. She actually enjoyed it, and we could have made it work if when she started crying I said something like "dry that sh¡+ up," maybe push her down and have rough sex. I really do think she got off on that kind of thing.

One time she asked me for a ride to her bf's dorm, which was close to mine. She showed me her boobs because she didn't "know where these bruises came from." I was like, me either, now get out of my car before this gets any weirder. Her bf looked EXACTLY like a 20 year old version of her dad. No kidding, like, EXACTLY like him with maybe a little more hair. CRAZY. They got married and reproduced, popped out a girl that looks EXACTLY like her.

Oh, and then she'd go off on these facebook rants how my wife and I have 2 kids without even really trying and she couldn't even have 1. Y'know, like we were having babies just to hurt her. My wife and I were already way past all our college years drama and she's STILL blaming us for all HER problems.

What can I say? I've always been wrong, and I'll always be wrong about EV-ER-Y-THING.

That's the back story, and I realize it's way too much info. Sorry. And I also get that we're comparing apples and oranges. The common apples to apples element here is neither relationship had a future. There are also the sneaky ways they try to worm their ways into a continued existence in our lives. I imagine there's some pathology here, too. I can't diagnose either of the two, but I do suspect my ex might have suffered from BPD. I dunno, maybe not. But we DO know SOMETHING really is wrong with Tross's ex. It's the combo of psychosis with parents who might actually have a legit cause to keep her under lock and key that has killed this relationship, same as how my ex never taking responsibility for her own behavior and blaming others killed ours. No matter how you look at it, there just is no "US" here. And now that he's walked out, a number of disturbing behaviors are coming out that shows really who she's been the whole time, same as how my ex went psycho on me.

I do see your point and where you're going with this. But Tross's situation is dire.

And let me add, if Tross is still with me, it's time for you to start meeting women again. A reasonable relationship will do you some good and drive a few more nails in that old coffin.

Really? I mean, I'm open to that at any time but I wasn't sure if now was the time. Plus there is the part of me that will always feel bad for taking my ex's one true crush away, but I also know that I was part of the curse she was under even if she doesn't see it that way. She was never going to move along in her life as long as all she could think of was me. Unfortunately, that still seems to be the case. I couldn't free her in starting a relationship with her, and it looks like ending it hasn't helped at all either.

I still firmly believe I made the right choice, and I don't want to go back. If you think dating someone else will help, then maybe I will try out online dating. I've always been kind of curious about that to be honest.

I've also been working on getting fluent enough in Japanese to be able to read a children's manga without needing a dictionary for every other word. Apparently it helps to have a side project to keep busy and stop thinking about an ex, or so I've read on quite a few sites after googling "how to get rid of a crazy ex girlfriend". It actually sounds like living no where near my ex is huge, and it would actually take her a good 45 minutes to walk here, from the nearest bus stop, which would probably take her almost a couple hours to get to as she would have to take three buses. Yeah, our transit system sucks but I've never been more happy about that. She's only a 40 minute drive away, but no one's going to drive her over here.

I'm ok with getting involved and getting someone out of a bad relationship or home situation when it's necessary. I get it if you feel the need to rescue her. I think part of the problem might have been you were in over your head with this girl. Parents are a bit of a brick wall. And I'm not assuming the parents are lilly white, it's just I don't like to assume the worst, either. Are they really protecting you or her?

Either way, it's a bad deal. By behaving the way she is, she's hurting herself. The more you distance yourself, the sooner she can start healing. I know it's tempting to have some limited contact "as friends." SOMETIMES with mature, reasonable grownups, that works just fine. But in this case, you do her a disservice if you maintain contact.

Yeah...

So, yeah, get back into dating. What I mean by dating is just go out and meet women. Keep it casual. You're not looking for a relationship, you just don't want to spend the weekend by yourself. Friends first, maybe more later.

I have doubts about online dating. I've met up and gone out with girls I met online. Never went very far, but it did no harm. But a lot of people make it work for them. So good luck with that and let us know how it works out.

At least just get back in the game. Avoid commitments for a while, because rebounding sucks and women don't want their time wasted. Just see what happens, and no doubt your ex will get the message. It's time.

Well, I may put the online dating on hold for a little while. There's a girl I volunteer with who wants to go to Japan to teach English one day, and I suggested getting together and becoming Japanese conversation partners since we're both trying to get this daunting language down. She seemed down for it. Nothing serious is going to happen between us or anything. I mean, she's only about 20 now, and I'm 29, and if she fulfills her dream she's going to move to Japan anyways while I'm tied down here with my job and other commitments. That said, I wouldn't mind getting together and working on our language skills together periodically.

I didn't mean to say DON'T do online dating, I just meant it's not something I personally would do. Some people do really well, and others not so much. It just comes down to a personal preference is all. But if it works for you, go for it.

She sounds nice. I think anything you can do to see someone else, even if it doesn't go beyond friends, will do you a lot of good.

Agreed. I think AngelRhos advice is massively overdoing it. One cannot equate an abusive relationship with a girl that is devasted by losing her only relationship. In fact, she is just acting like an ND girl that have trouble moving on. However, I do agree that she will only move on if he is completely out of her life, so if he is serious about the breakup, the "no contact" rule is essential.

Yeah that is the main thing, just not having contact...I mean it sucks for sure, but its the best option in situations like this. I mean sure if maintains no contact and then she starts trying to seek him out or come to his house uninvited or something then it may become nessisary to take legal action...but I think it is more if he has any contact with her she will cling to the idea she can get him back, I doubt she will make efforts to stalk him or anything if he just refuses all contact.

I mean I kinda feel sorry for her, it probably really sucks...but perhaps it will also motivate her to work on her own life and get more independent from her parents so future relationships could go better. And to clarify I don't think the O.P was mean to her or anything just I know she must be feeling really bad...I can kind of relate because I once had a break up with someone I really did want to be with but they had too much other stuff on their plate. Eventually I just had to deal with it....but yeah it was pretty upsetting at first and I tried to kind of cling onto the relationship he ended up leaving to california without even coming to make sure and tell me goodbye. I called him and that is when he officially ended it...I mean at least the O.P here made all efforts to break up in person and be clear it was over and didn't just up and leave. But either way the point is girls can move on from these things, it just takes time and no contact with the person to do so.