This doesn't make sense to me

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slw1990
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20 May 2017, 9:22 pm

I recently went on a date with someone. When we talked online he seemed very happy and viewed my profile all the time (he didn't seem to actually read it though because he asked me questions that were already written in my profile). Before I met up with him, I had trouble finding the place that we were suppose to meet. When we finally met he gave me flowers. It was a little shocking because this is the first time that we ever met and we have only talked on the site. I thanked him for the flowers, but told him that he didn't have to do that.Then I asked if I could put them in my car before we went to the restaurant. While we were at the restaurant I could tell that he wasn't happy to be around me. It was very obvious, even to me, because he hardly smiled and sometimes would even glare at me while we talked. I have met up with 12 other guys on the site and most of them lost interest once they met me, but none of them have acted this way. I'm not sure if maybe he was annoyed that I couldn't find the place or if I might have offended him with the flowers or something? I wasn't interested in him, but it does make me a little confused.



Last edited by slw1990 on 21 May 2017, 12:31 am, edited 2 times in total.

QuillAlba
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20 May 2017, 9:30 pm

I have no idea what the flowers were about either.

His mood may have soured by your reaction to the flowers or the putting them in the car, I do not understand the flowers so am only guessing, pure conjecture on my part.

Perhaps the flowers were meant to be carried into the place of eating, some form of display of ownership, I am not sure, I'm struggling to come up with logical reasons.

I don't think you should worry about it, he sounds like a weird one and not in a good way, don't let it bother you as I very much doubt the fault lay with you here or if there is anything to be understood with this fellow.



sly279
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20 May 2017, 11:00 pm

Back in the day men gave flowers to dates. It was considered romantic. Guys are as romantic anymore.

I always brought a single pink rose to first date. Signifying admiration or appreciation.
The flow shop dresses it up with some leaves and or lessor flowers in a fancy green paper with water at the bottom. Quite pretty.


Upon my research it seems most women still find flowers on a date romantic.

Nothing to do with ownership. Though red roses are for love so to be avoided as would be multiple roses.

Each color has a meaning. Yellow is for friends/good health
Orange is passion/enthusiasm
White for wedding/marriage.

Other flowers i dont know I wouldn't give unless further dating and know it's their favorite.



Raleigh
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20 May 2017, 11:13 pm

Do you think your facial expression may have conveyed dislike of the gift?
If I get surprised like that, people often think I'm displeased, or angry, or something I wasn't actually feeling, when in fact my brain is just trying to catch up from being knocked off kilter.


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slw1990
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21 May 2017, 12:01 am

Raleigh wrote:
Do you think your facial expression may have conveyed dislike of the gift?
If I get surprised like that, people often think I'm displeased, or angry, or something I wasn't actually feeling, when in fact my brain is just trying to catch up from being knocked off kilter.


Maybe. I guess it did make me a little uncomfortable because I feel like that would be something you would do once you started seeing someone for a while. He didn't even know who I was, he never even heard my voice. How could he know if he would like me to even buy me a gift?



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 May 2017, 1:31 am

How do you expect him to be happy if you are not interested?

You admitted that you're interested in him.

A NT guy would surely pick on that.



hurtloam
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21 May 2017, 6:49 am

Were you not interested in him as soon as you met him or as the date progressed? Did you start to feel not interested because of the way he was behaving?



Aristophanes
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21 May 2017, 7:16 am

slw1990 wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
Do you think your facial expression may have conveyed dislike of the gift?
If I get surprised like that, people often think I'm displeased, or angry, or something I wasn't actually feeling, when in fact my brain is just trying to catch up from being knocked off kilter.


Maybe. I guess it did make me a little uncomfortable because I feel like that would be something you would do once you started seeing someone for a while. He didn't even know who I was, he never even heard my voice. How could he know if he would like me to even buy me a gift?


What he did was actually very 'traditional'. The way you describe it, that he lost interest almost immediately, leads me to believe your reaction to his traditional opening was not the reaction he was hoping for. It was a test of sorts, I think he was looking for you to be shocked and then elated, and when you didn't give that reaction you failed his test. That said, there's no excuse for him to act like a douche the rest of the evening.



slw1990
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21 May 2017, 1:11 pm

^ I didn't know it was traditional to do that for someone who you don't know. I thought that was something guys would do once they started seeing someone or at least after they get to know them.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
How do you expect him to be happy if you are not interested?

You admitted that you're interested in him.

A NT guy would surely pick on that.


It could be that he wouldn't be interested in me either since we didn't meet before. I mean, most guys that I meet up with aren't interested once they meet me. That's why it confused me when he bought me a gift.


Quote:
Were you not interested in him as soon as you met him or as the date progressed? Did you start to feel not interested because of the way he was behaving?


I think I felt uncomfortable with him buying me a gift and everything. The flowers were nice and everything, but I guess I don't feel right when I feel like I'm being put on a pedestal, especially by someone who I hardly know.



ZachGoodwin
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21 May 2017, 1:47 pm

Even though his feelings may be hurt, I think you should tell him politely to be careful next time. Laugh it off too, and tell him it was no big deal and that you hardly knew him to begin with. Something along those lines.



slw1990
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21 May 2017, 1:57 pm

I don't think we are going to meet again.



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21 May 2017, 2:17 pm

slw1990 wrote:
I don't think we are going to meet again.


Might be for the better, he seems kind of pushy...you didn't accept the flowers the way he wanted you to, therefore you deserved an awkward evening with him making it apparent he didn't want to be there with you. Meh, later in a relationship it may have been maybe you do something he doesn't like such as moving his shower towel or something minor like that and he'd just be cold and unapproachable all day until finally you get it out of him he's been pissed off all day about a towel.

He may have some more maturing to do, I mean that kind of behavior is well...childish in a bad way. I mean I am not perfect sometimes I get too worked up about things but I do at least try to communicate what it is to my boyfriend so he's not just guessing what's wrong.


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886
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21 May 2017, 9:11 pm

I mean, the flowers are a bit over the top. But let's say the flowers never happened. Let's say he just wanted to meet you and play it cool and get to know you, pretend there was no flowers. Did you guys just not have the physical chemistry? Did you have good conversations? Some people don't always click in person, even if you exchange a lot of good text messages prior to meeting.

Personally, it's possible he may have been self-conscious about the gift and it affected things, but I've also been the self-conscious guy unsure about giving a gift or something.. and if it's followed up with good chemistry and good conversations, it wouldn't of been an issue at all.


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slw1990
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21 May 2017, 9:21 pm

886 wrote:
I mean, the flowers are a bit over the top. But let's say the flowers never happened. Let's say he just wanted to meet you and play it cool and get to know you, pretend there was no flowers. Did you guys just not have the physical chemistry? Did you have good conversations? Some people don't always click in person, even if you exchange a lot of good text messages prior to meeting.

Personally, it's possible he may have been self-conscious about the gift and it affected things, but I've also been the self-conscious guy unsure about giving a gift or something.. and if it's followed up with good chemistry and good conversations, it wouldn't of been an issue at all.


I honestly couldn't tell if we could connect because he didn't seem happy to be around me at all. He would ask me questions, but when he did he would glare at me. I didn't feel attracted to him either. Then with our conversations he would ask a lot of question about my day, but we wouldn't really talk on a deeper level. As sweetleaf said, I think it's good we aren't going to meet again because he seems very passive aggressive.



886
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22 May 2017, 7:49 pm

slw1990 wrote:
886 wrote:
I mean, the flowers are a bit over the top. But let's say the flowers never happened. Let's say he just wanted to meet you and play it cool and get to know you, pretend there was no flowers. Did you guys just not have the physical chemistry? Did you have good conversations? Some people don't always click in person, even if you exchange a lot of good text messages prior to meeting.

Personally, it's possible he may have been self-conscious about the gift and it affected things, but I've also been the self-conscious guy unsure about giving a gift or something.. and if it's followed up with good chemistry and good conversations, it wouldn't of been an issue at all.


I honestly couldn't tell if we could connect because he didn't seem happy to be around me at all. He would ask me questions, but when he did he would glare at me. I didn't feel attracted to him either. Then with our conversations he would ask a lot of question about my day, but we wouldn't really talk on a deeper level. As sweetleaf said, I think it's good we aren't going to meet again because he seems very passive aggressive.

That's probably just what it was then, neither of you felt the physical or personal chemistry and it was just a bombed first date, flowers or no flowers. It's not really a bad thing.

I've had it happen.. 2 weeks of texting back and forth constantly, we meet, and we hated each other :lol: Wouldn't even look each other in the eye or have a conversation about anything.


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22 May 2017, 7:58 pm

If he really "glared" at you, he's not the guy for you.

Most guys wouldn't "glare" at women on dates. Most decent guys, anyway.

Maybe he was "Aspie," too. Maybe he felt awkward, or just is not good in social situations.

There are many guys who still give flowers on the first date. I was never one for giving flowers on first dates---but other guys are. He was probably hoping you would feel flattered that you received flowers. Maybe your "cold" response put him off. I don't know.

If you're not interested in him, anyway, just move on to someone else. This is not a "failure." It was just a date.