Refusing to grow up? Or just the way I am

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Hello All,

There are some subjects I have been thinking about for the past couple of weeks that weigh heavily on my mind and I'd like some thoughts on it.

1). I was told about two weeks ago that my sexual experience is very slim. I was also told that because I am working 50
plus hours a week, that doesn't leave much time to engage with members of the opposite sex. Here's the thing though,
I have never been in love. I have never met someone and said to myself - "Oh my god! I am so in to this person I have
to be around them all the time". The thought of someone having that much control over me is scary. I like being alone. I like reading about subjects of interest and playing video games. I live in a city where there is much going on, and people
tell me there is a whole world out there to explore. But every time I go to some event, I find myself bored with it. Even though there is much to do, I don't want to do it.

2). I want to be an author, but people tell me that its risky and that I should not put all my eggs in one basket. They tell me that I should look into more honest forms of work. But I don't get the working world. Whenever someone talks about opportunity within the company or where I want to go, it makes no sense. I have never thought in terms of that. I have only ever thought in terms of what I want to do and what I like doing. The only thing I have ever liked doing was building immersive, intricate, and detailed worlds.

3). I will admit, I still build with lego. But at this point it seems to be more of a artistic idea tool than something I play with. Plus much of what I create can't be made by kids. The whole point of this is that, the typical perfect life is where you have a job, a close knit circle of friends who you hang around often, and a nice house. Currently, I don't have that. I find the notion of having a relationship exhausting. I find having a job where I really have to try exhausting. I find going out every weekend and doing assorted activities exhausting.

What are everyone's thoughts on this? I feel like I don't have society's approval but I also don't want to do things just to impress people. I wasn't put on this planet for them.

You're an adult...if you want to play with Legos, nobody can stop you.

As long as you fulfill your adult responsibilities, it really doesn't matter what your hobby is. Many neurotypical people have funny hobbies.

As long as you don't feel compelled to build something while there's a naked lady in the same room with you

I think half of Dads (or more) have kids just so they have a cover story to play with legos, matchbox cars, etc, again.

As long as you're happy it doesn't matter what other people think. Write that novel!

If you don't want a relationship you don't have to have one.

I have the same problem. In general, I've learned to take the opposite from almost every piece of advice the neurotypicals give me. They seem to have a rule like: "Never say what you mean, and always mean what you don't say." I've given up trying to do that song and dance, and it's why I will soon be applying for disability.

You have a 50-hour-a-week job, that's a grown-up trait. Lots of people try to discourage others from fulfilling their dreams. Becoming a published author is a long road because of the competition and the process of getting noticed for publication. Have you written short stories? That might be a fun way in.

You can still be grown up and:
Not want a relationship
Pursue your dream
Build with legos

FWIW, I bet that if your lego structures were part of some wider activity, like a contest, and especially if it had a cash prize, even some of the shallow people would take notice.

I'm curious what you'd think of Canstruction. Teams build structures out of cans of food, and proceeds go toward helping those in need. Maybe there's one where you live.

Either way, if you let 'them' dictate your life, you'll live a life full of regret. You know what you want and what you are, and aren't, willing to do to get it.

Definitely agree with this ^

Keep far away from "them." I left the whole city of Birmingham for a new start, just so I could get away from the lukewarm dreamers holding me back. "They" even told me that I can't be a nurse because I'm male. Then it was because I'm Aspie. Then it was because "Just.. yeah."

Look for that.

That lack of rationale, low support, sketchy explanations, or diversion from an explanation. And the NT's aren't going to understand why those things exhaust you. They will ask "why" over and over again, without any actual effort to get inside your shoes. These are the same people who will throw up their hands and say "that's not my job," and then get a promotion for it.

I've spent over thirty years trying to learn how to ignore "them." I'm about to spend a good ten more finalizing that effort. Best of luck to you. I'm checking into the psych ward today, God willing.

Most days I think I'll be 12yoa in my head forever & ever. I make up jokes & build things; turns out that's cooler by most everybody than I spent much of my life thinking.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I think some of this is personal preference. I know some couples like to be around each other all the time... but that would drive me crazy. I've never met anyone, even my "best friend" in high school, who I wanted to be with nonstop without a break.

I'm unspeakably thankful to know people like that with the patience for dealing with kooky ole' me. At the same time I'm glad I know enough inverse square law to sort of echo-locate instead of hitting a bunch of invisible walls.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos