Why do you think a relationship will make you happy?
04 Jul 2017, 6:07 pm
That's not the point for me at all. One of the primary things I enjoy is making others happy.
That's pretty much it actually. Oh & adrenaline.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
05 Jul 2017, 1:53 am
So no being in a relationship doesn't make you happy, life still happens and its not always happy...a good relationship can be somewhat helpful since it can provide and avenue of support for when you're struggling, but friends and family can also do that kind of thing if one is not in a relationship or counseling services if you don't have friends, like I have experienced for plenty of my life.
Your prblems don't go away, but life is still measurably better in a appy relationship or friedship.
I imagine its its just like what having friends feels like.
My life was 10x happier back when i had f4iends even if I have The same problems I do now
I want that again. It doesn't change my life but its better. And better is always better.
Ive noticed the best way to fight depression is do things that.make you.happy and you enjoy, its easier to do that with friends, constantly being exposed to new people ad events and stimulation, than playing that same videogame from 5 years ago for the hundreth time.
Humans get bored without new ideas, people and events, and for those of us stuck in this 'stay at home and do nothing all day' cyce, its way easier to get bored.
And when.I'm bored, I think about all the things that. make.e depressed, and become depressed.
Well do you have any acquaintances or family members you could potentially spend more time with or develop closer relations for friendship purposes. Most people I know I've met through my brother and became more aquianted with them since me and my brother get along and hang out often enough I got to spend more time around them.
Being lonely and isolated does suck, and certainly doesn't help with mental health. It seems a lot of my life has been spent that way, its actually kind of a new thing to me to actually have people in my life I'm not related to who I have known and kept in contact with over a year, so I know how crappy it is. I feel like I lost years of my childhood to isolation and depression/anxiety and I admit I still sometimes dwell on it because even if things are better now I wont get my childhood back.
In short no.
Aren't you a metalhead stoner type?
If I was it would be easier to fit in and find my type of crowd/people, but I'm not
I need to start from scratch to form new friendships basically.
Can't work and I'm not ready to study.
I volunteer, go out with family, online date, and go to a men only group for people with disabilities twice a week (they're all too old for me, but its nice to go out and chat to them).
Best friend lives hours away. Another friend too. She's got a big social life outside of me and we're losing touch.
Starting to dislike my best friend, for many years. I've thought about this, and I'm his only real friend left anyway
05 Jul 2017, 2:13 am
That's a tough question because for some it doesn't make them happier, but society and friends tell us it will. For me though, all of my relationships have been long term, and I really enjoyed the relationships I had. My ex partner and I were together for 7+ years and we are still really good friends. In fact I we hang out as a group a lot and I really enjoy socializing with her many brothers. So I mean the memories we had and the new memories with those who are now friends and not just the gf's family do make me happy.
With that being said, some people do think that you have to be in a relationship to be happy. I believe you need to be happy with yourself first and who you are and then being in a relationship is a bonus. Even with non sexual relationships with friends, being happy with who you are makes those friendships much better in my opinion.
I think ultimately though, people want a relationship because being close to someone physically and emotionally is just fun and you feel good. Some of my best memories about relationships were not what someone did for me but about the smiles I put on my significant others face for something I did for them, that and just being goofy and making them laugh. It's the connection you share with someone which for me at least and maybe other people with autism can be hard to form. But like I said, relationships don't make everyone happy and honestly, no one is truly 100% happy all the time in a relationship. There are disagreements, arguments, lows, and so fourth but then again, there are some truly great times to be had as well. I guess we could ask the same of why do people think pets will make them happy? You have something to love and you have something that loves you back. That's a sort of connection that just feels good.
Just my two cents, I could be wrong, probably am, and will probably be told so lol.
_________________
Good guys don't care what place they finish; only jerks do. - Me
05 Jul 2017, 4:00 am
With that being said, some people do think that you have to be in a relationship to be happy. I believe you need to be happy with yourself first and who you are and then being in a relationship is a bonus. Even with non sexual relationships with friends, being happy with who you are makes those friendships much better in my opinion.
I think ultimately though, people want a relationship because being close to someone physically and emotionally is just fun and you feel good. Some of my best memories about relationships were not what someone did for me but about the smiles I put on my significant others face for something I did for them, that and just being goofy and making them laugh. It's the connection you share with someone which for me at least and maybe other people with autism can be hard to form. But like I said, relationships don't make everyone happy and honestly, no one is truly 100% happy all the time in a relationship. There are disagreements, arguments, lows, and so fourth but then again, there are some truly great times to be had as well. I guess we could ask the same of why do people think pets will make them happy? You have something to love and you have something that loves you back. That's a sort of connection that just feels good.
Just my two cents, I could be wrong, probably am, and will probably be told so lol.
No, I think you portray a very reasonable and healthy perspective here, that I can agree with. It's not that I won't ever be in a relationship again, it's just that pursuing my goals is ultimately what is most important. I like how you phrase it, a relationship is a bonus. It should never be first priority.
05 Jul 2017, 5:13 am
A very good question.
I recall doing an actual excercise in my written journal 27 years ago.
It became clear I wanted to find a kindred spirit.
A number of things fell out from that.
One relationship landed where we were not kindred spirits, did not really get how we each ticked, and proved a pile of stress and did not last.
A second relationship grew up at around the same sort of time which was not a relationship in any "Conventional " sense - for example we never became lovers, BUT, we have been like an honourary brother and sister going on for 27 years now.
05 Jul 2017, 7:30 am
When I was 9 or so, I had a guest (my parents' friend) say this: "As a child, you have to listen to your parents; when you grow up, you'll have to listen to your wife." My internal reaction was: "I'm never getting married, then." And 25 years later, I'm still single, and no plans to get married until I'm at least 60, or more likely, not at all. Although in my case, it's not without reason, since the woman, not the man, is in charge of most of today's live-in relationships.
05 Jul 2017, 8:44 am
With that being said, some people do think that you have to be in a relationship to be happy. I believe you need to be happy with yourself first and who you are and then being in a relationship is a bonus. Even with non sexual relationships with friends, being happy with who you are makes those friendships much better in my opinion.
I think ultimately though, people want a relationship because being close to someone physically and emotionally is just fun and you feel good. Some of my best memories about relationships were not what someone did for me but about the smiles I put on my significant others face for something I did for them, that and just being goofy and making them laugh. It's the connection you share with someone which for me at least and maybe other people with autism can be hard to form. But like I said, relationships don't make everyone happy and honestly, no one is truly 100% happy all the time in a relationship. There are disagreements, arguments, lows, and so fourth but then again, there are some truly great times to be had as well. I guess we could ask the same of why do people think pets will make them happy? You have something to love and you have something that loves you back. That's a sort of connection that just feels good.
Just my two cents, I could be wrong, probably am, and will probably be told so lol.
No, I think you portray a very reasonable and healthy perspective here, that I can agree with. It's not that I won't ever be in a relationship again, it's just that pursuing my goals is ultimately what is most important. I like how you phrase it, a relationship is a bonus. It should never be first priority.
Its not that peopr can't be happy without this stuff in moderate bursts of time. Its that the cast majority of people.need to experience these rhonga eventually to live a healthy life.
Well, what if you really did never end up in a relationship ever again, and Also. lost all your Friends, either to death or simply the friendships fade away?
Assuming you live in a rich nation with high average life exectancy, and take care of your health and fitness well (which you do), your natural life expectancy is at least another fifty years.
There's fifty year OLDS who have never experienced love or sex here.
Most here aren't upset their single, they're scared they'll be alone forever, since they've never experienced first love or 'adequate' (I don't believe in true) love (I've never been with a girl longer than two weeks for example, not a real relationship at all) and it seems highly unlikely to them that they will.
Good luck with your goals.
As for me, I have far too much free time, and what time I spend feeling lonely with nothing to did, is when others my age are socializing with their friends/girlfriends.
My goal is to enjoy life, nothing more. Financial stability.makes me feel good, exercise makes me feel good, making music playing videgames, good times with friends and family and a girlfriend. I'm missing the last, and its the most significant of all.
05 Jul 2017, 2:27 pm
Yes Outrider. This is exactly how I feel
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
05 Jul 2017, 2:49 pm
But if not having a relationship is the main reason for one's unhappiness; wouldn't having a good relationship remove this cause of unhappiness?
I mean the lack of it is no trivial matter really, it is a lack of a major fundamental human need - so why people are so puzzled if one is unhappy just because he/she is single?
05 Jul 2017, 3:36 pm
I mean the lack of it is no trivial matter really, it is a lack of a major fundamental human need - so why people are so puzzled if one is unhappy just because he/she is single?
Also very true. I can't add anything because this is spot on.
05 Jul 2017, 3:54 pm
Or perhaps have that feeling that they can't be in a relationship because of XYZ and that they won't ever be in a relationship because of XYZ.
_________________
Worry, does absolutely nothing to help.
If you're out there, please come find me.
06 Jul 2017, 9:10 pm
That's a great question.
Honestly, it's something iv'e wanted my whole life. Ever since I was in kindergarden, I would crush on girls and say I loved them before I even knew what the concept of love was.
I want someone who I can go out and do things with, someone who I can talk to and laugh with, someone to have sex with; I want it all. I want companionship more than I want sex, and believe me I wan't sex REALLY bad! I know people say that having a girlfriend isn't all that's cracked up to be, but i'm the type of guy where I need to experience something and see what it's like, even if people say it's not worth it. I'm the one who has to make the decision on whether something is worth it or not.
I have friends, I have a family that loves me, I have a lot of things going for me in life. It's just that, iv'e always felt like my romantic life has been lacking which is sad because I want it so bad. I see all these couples on Facebook and it makes me feel like trash because they get to experience a woman and here I am only getting to experience an artificial version.
Plus finally getting a girlfriend will help relieve me of my pain of loneliness. That huge stress and huge worry of wondering whether i'll find someone or not. I will have proved my friends and family wrong, but most importantly I will have proved myself wrong that love wasn't a fairytale after all.
07 Jul 2017, 2:54 am
With that being said, some people do think that you have to be in a relationship to be happy. I believe you need to be happy with yourself first and who you are and then being in a relationship is a bonus. Even with non sexual relationships with friends, being happy with who you are makes those friendships much better in my opinion.
I think ultimately though, people want a relationship because being close to someone physically and emotionally is just fun and you feel good. Some of my best memories about relationships were not what someone did for me but about the smiles I put on my significant others face for something I did for them, that and just being goofy and making them laugh. It's the connection you share with someone which for me at least and maybe other people with autism can be hard to form. But like I said, relationships don't make everyone happy and honestly, no one is truly 100% happy all the time in a relationship. There are disagreements, arguments, lows, and so fourth but then again, there are some truly great times to be had as well. I guess we could ask the same of why do people think pets will make them happy? You have something to love and you have something that loves you back. That's a sort of connection that just feels good.
Just my two cents, I could be wrong, probably am, and will probably be told so lol.
No, I think you portray a very reasonable and healthy perspective here, that I can agree with. It's not that I won't ever be in a relationship again, it's just that pursuing my goals is ultimately what is most important. I like how you phrase it, a relationship is a bonus. It should never be first priority.
Its not that peopr can't be happy without this stuff in moderate bursts of time. Its that the cast majority of people.need to experience these rhonga eventually to live a healthy life.
Well, what if you really did never end up in a relationship ever again, and Also. lost all your Friends, either to death or simply the friendships fade away?
Assuming you live in a rich nation with high average life exectancy, and take care of your health and fitness well (which you do), your natural life expectancy is at least another fifty years.
There's fifty year OLDS who have never experienced love or sex here.
Most here aren't upset their single, they're scared they'll be alone forever, since they've never experienced first love or 'adequate' (I don't believe in true) love (I've never been with a girl longer than two weeks for example, not a real relationship at all) and it seems highly unlikely to them that they will.
Good luck with your goals.
As for me, I have far too much free time, and what time I spend feeling lonely with nothing to did, is when others my age are socializing with their friends/girlfriends.
My goal is to enjoy life, nothing more. Financial stability.makes me feel good, exercise makes me feel good, making music playing videgames, good times with friends and family and a girlfriend. I'm missing the last, and its the most significant of all.
I can't say that I wouldn't feel the same way, had I never got to experience it.
07 Jul 2017, 3:15 am
I mean the lack of it is no trivial matter really, it is a lack of a major fundamental human need - so why people are so puzzled if one is unhappy just because he/she is single?
I don't think most people are capable of knowing that. Just because you think something will make you happy, doesn't mean that it actually will.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
07 Jul 2017, 3:33 am
I mean the lack of it is no trivial matter really, it is a lack of a major fundamental human need - so why people are so puzzled if one is unhappy just because he/she is single?
I don't think most people are capable of knowing that. Just because you think something will make you happy, doesn't mean that it actually will.
I've seen close people TRANSFORMED from depressed mode when they were single to a totally very happy mode when they found the right person and got married - I've noticed that in a lot of people, and most of them are women btw! (contrary the popular belief that women become less happy after marriage), and their happiness seems to be lasting.
So yes, there are people who were sad because they were single and became very happy after getting into a relationship. These people exist and they're many.
08 Jul 2017, 7:35 am
As long as people realize that what really matters is finding the right person. Just remember, there are relationships where people become more depressed than if they were single. Using the terms 'single' and 'relationship' have a way of desensitizing the situation, as neither one indicates loneliness or any form of happiness. That's why I get bothered by or misinterpret a lot of posts, because people throw those terms around like they actually mean something. To me, those are very relative terms that take on vastly different meanings depending on who they refer to.
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| Happy Lupercalia! |
15 Feb 2024, 6:07 am |
| Happy birthday to Rob Paulsen |
11 Mar 2024, 6:18 am |
| Happy Lunar New Year |
10 Feb 2024, 3:24 pm |
| Happy Lunar , New Year . |
10 Feb 2024, 3:05 pm |
