I think if a guy is into a girl they should make the effort

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I'm tired of being the one to put all the effort into things and for guys to say, "Sorry, I've just been very busy." I think from now on, if a guy is interested they need to step up cause I'm not bending over backwards for them anymore. I am good enough, it's time I started acting like it.

Good for you!

Now, what are you going to do with all that spare time?

Tarralikitak, i think i understand what you mean. it's cool to meet a man halfway, but there is no reason to do 90% of the work, right?

I think if people are into each other they should both make an effort.

Yeah, thats what I'm trying to say.

When I like somebody, I reach out to them. Sure, I don't do it the same way as everyone else does (which is why it's hard to sustain any momentum) but I make the effort. I too don't like making 90% of the effort, but I do that most of the time.

My anxiety with women keeps 98% of possible friendships from never even occurring. Even if the "ice" is broken, it can be hard to initially say that I like them and want to pursue.

I hear you! Totally in the same boat right now.

I think the best reason for refusing to put in over 50% of the effort isn't because it's unfair. It's because it burns you out. If, like me, you're kind of hoping for a 'long term' relationship, then it's never going to happen if you use up all your energy in the first three months putting in that 90%.

If you like a guy and you just met, give him 20% of your energy.
If he responds with 20% back, and things are advancing, then give 40%.
If you end up living together and being a couple, then give 60%.
If he returns it, then consider advancing more.
And if you end up married, give him 100% - more if you can, because if kids come he'll suddenly feel like he's dropped down to 5% and he'll need that stockpile! lol

Thanks Vivienne, good advice!

I agree with the OP. Men need to pick up the reigns again and make the moves.

Maybe this is a case where one can learn to work smarter, not harder.

Breaking the ice is very easy for me. Keeping the momentum from freezing back up is very hard for me.

Same old same old does get boring after a while. It makes people dull. I'll go one step further and say that if you really want anything, whether a relationship or otherwise, it's worth making the effort. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly.