how do girls signal interest?

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kraftiekortie
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23 Aug 2017, 10:53 am

But in a cute way :heart:

I don't mind women "bugging" me in a cute way :heart:

The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Aug 2017, 1:24 pm

Greeneyez wrote:

She will bug the *** :heart:

* out of you

This.

hurtloam
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23 Aug 2017, 2:59 pm

sly279 wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

sly279 wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

whatamievendoing wrote:

I've heard that if a girl likes you, she'll usually invite you out with her friends. She'll introduce them to you and you to them - attempt to embed you into the "circle", if you will.

I do that.

*edit

If you like them back after they do this make the bloody effort to invite the girl somewhere yourself or she'll think you're not interested.

I don't want to go hang out with a bunch of stangers who are friends with a girl I like but hardly know. Meeting her friends seems like a you've been on a few dates moving to relationship stage.

Ordinarily this is someone from a similar social circle who already knows one or two people in the group.

Remember guys I'm one for going down the finding someone amongst friends rather than the dating strangers type.

What I do won't be what one does if online dating and won't apply to that scenario.

I don't have any friends so no social circle whatever that is.
Wouldn't they already know your friends?
Also how do a guy tell that from a girl just seeing him as one of her friends and thus invited for that? My sister went on what she thought was a double date guy even insisted picking her up but he just saw it as a group outing.

I really don't think there are any signs every thing people suggested here can be explained as just being polite or friendly. So besides a girl coming up and just saying I like you wanna date there doesn't seem to be any way to know.

Not all of my friends know each other, but some do, so yeah that's the point. It's a comfortable setting to get to know each other better. You can tell a lot about other people by the way they interact with others.

You can find out if they are arrogant and put other people down. You can find out if they are polite and say positive things to people. Or they could be polite and arrogant which is what I found with the last guy which confused the life outta me. hes really nice, but a bit of a douche too :/

This is why I don't date cold caller style. I like to find out about someone first. I know other people who do it that way too.

There's no commitment and you don't have to dump them when you realise what a jerk they are.

Only problem is when you really like them and you see good things about their personality, but they think you're a potato.

Chichikov
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23 Aug 2017, 3:11 pm

whatamievendoing wrote:

I've heard that if a girl likes you, she'll usually invite you out with her friends. She'll introduce them to you and you to them - attempt to embed you into the "circle", if you will.

That's what she does if she thinks you're gay. If she wants a romantic relationship with you it's unlikely she'll do this. For a start it's harder to get to know someone in a group situation, and secondly it generates a risk that you'll hit it off with one of her friends instead.

It's more common that a woman will wait a while before introducing you to her friends, at least until she's sure it could be long term.

The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Aug 2017, 3:16 pm

Chichikov wrote:

whatamievendoing wrote:

I've heard that if a girl likes you, she'll usually invite you out with her friends. She'll introduce them to you and you to them - attempt to embed you into the "circle", if you will.

I admit, this happened to me after someone communicated with me for quite a while, like in couple of weeks. I am pretty sure she was interested romantically because she kept initiating texting like ....every morning.

Chichikov
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23 Aug 2017, 3:30 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Chichikov wrote:

whatamievendoing wrote:

I've heard that if a girl likes you, she'll usually invite you out with her friends. She'll introduce them to you and you to them - attempt to embed you into the "circle", if you will.

It might happen as an exception but that doesn't change how women are more likely to act. Again this is western culture, in some cultures it is more common that a woman wants to invite a potential partner out with her friends so he can pay for everyone, but that is rare outside a few select cultures.

DW_a_mom
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23 Aug 2017, 4:47 pm

Chichikov wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

What's a surefire way of telling if a girl likes you?

If she initiates texting or messaging you just to say hi or good morning or goodnight to you (without asking for favors).

That, in my case, was always a 100% surefire way of telling they like me, the margin of error in that is 0% I assure you; no girl who just sees you as 'friend' would take the trouble by pulling out her phone, to scroll searching your contact in her list, pressing on your name just to send you a hello just for "the sake of new friendship" - this doesn't happen in life ; it happens only if there are other motives (ie. romantic interest, or seeking for a favor or a group outing planning...etc).

So after you establish rapport with them, try to exchange fb/numbers with them, you can text them first but then wait and see if they will ever text you first.

The problem with that approach is that many women (in western culture) want to be chased, they want to be seen as desirable, as something worth working for. Those women are not going to do the chasing and rather than contacting you first will see your lack of contact as lack of interest and she'll find a guy that *will* chase her.

Cultures where men are mainly seen as a meal ticket will have women who are more likely to chase the men instead.

When I look at my son and how he is with people, I don't think a woman who likes to be chased could ever be satisfied in a relationship with him. Therefore, it is just as well that no one teach him to chase at this point in his life; it would be like false marketing.

I realize he may be lucky that there have been girls interested in him and willing to show it, which keeps things easier for him than for many Aspie men, but if you try to get relationships by being someone other than yourself, it seems to me like something of a self-defeating process. A modified, spiffed up version of yourself is fine, of course; everyone does that when dating.

I don't think we're in a culture here where women see men as meal tickets, but I can't say it isn't a factor at all. I would be wary of girlfriends that don't have any natural connections with my son, but so far that really hasn't been a problem.

Everyone he has met has been through common friends or interests. I don't think he would want it any other way; compatibility and shared interests are VERY important to him. He wants someone who will honestly be interested when he rambles on about the things that fascinate him.

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Last edited by DW_a_mom on 23 Aug 2017, 5:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

DW_a_mom
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23 Aug 2017, 4:56 pm

bobchaos wrote:

Quote:

Come on. How could this topic go from "How Do Girls Signal Interest?" to "Let's talk about Whiskey."?

The simple answer? I put as many drinks as my doctor allows in me XD

Honestly I'm just pretty depressed and am still very reluctant to post my darker thoughts on here, so I figured a whiskey tangent would lighten my mood a bit... It worked, briefly

You know, having a drink in your hand can be a very grand excuse for misreading someone's disinterest, as interest.

A guy I worked with once asked me to marry him when we were all out for drinks after work. He went on and on about how different we were but that he was so attracted anyway and that he would change for me. I was dumbfounded. We'd never discussed dating at all.

The next day he claimed to have been so drunk as to not remember anything, and I simply told him there was nothing to remember, that he hadn't embarrassed himself, and our friendship was good. Perfect. He gave me the gift of getting to feel intensely flattered without having to worry about having an awkward encounter hang between us (I don't think most women mind being asked out when uninterested; it is flattering. As long as you aren't going down an alphabetical list of friends, anyway. Yeah, that happened to a bunch of us once).

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Last edited by DW_a_mom on 23 Aug 2017, 5:08 pm, edited 5 times in total.

DW_a_mom
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23 Aug 2017, 4:58 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

I agree that these things are very hard to tell.

One way a woman shows interest, I have found, is if she laughs at your stupid jokes (like a few posters have mentioned).

I hope you find a gun-understanding woman who likes to take walks in the park.

And leans in even when it isn't needed for her to hear you better.

I wish you the best of luck making progress on the question. It isn't easy for anyone, and there are Aspies who find their people and get married. Be happy in the life you have, live for you and do what you enjoy, but stay open to the possibilities. Sooo much easier to say than do, but its classic advice because it works.

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Chichikov
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23 Aug 2017, 7:00 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:

Noble sentiments and fine if we lived in the Hollywood world of romcoms where no matter how high the barriers love will find a way, but we live in the real world so to keep women happy he's going to have to learn to do some things that don't come natural to him.

bobchaos
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23 Aug 2017, 7:40 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:

When I look at my son and how he is with people, I don't think a woman who likes to be chased could ever be satisfied in a relationship with him.

I'd never considered that. Interesting data, it allows some basic filtering of girls who'd be unhappy with me (which I assume would make me unhappy). Any other traits you think I should avoid for similar reasons?

Chichikov wrote:

Touché. I'm assuming long term stuff is going to require some adjustment, but I bet it's no different for NTs in that regard. Is it? o.O

sly279
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23 Aug 2017, 7:53 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

But you'd have to go around making bad jokes for that to work.

Gun loving women are few and tend to be very conservative. I'd settle for someone who's just. Not anti gun at all. I could take her shooting send introduce her to it.
But someone who thinks anyone who owns guns is responsible for mass shootings isn't going work out as they'll think I'm a monster baby killer just cause I own guns. Even though I try not to even kill spiders or worms etc

sly279
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23 Aug 2017, 7:54 pm

I think women have different friendships then men. Men don't have single femal friends. Most men don't have female friends at all unless they're married and thus their wife has female friends.

kraftiekortie
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23 Aug 2017, 8:05 pm

I've had female single friends when I was single.

I even skinny-dipped with one of them. I didn't "try" anything.

saxgeek
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23 Aug 2017, 8:10 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

saxgeek wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

What's a surefire way of telling if a girl likes you?

I disagree with that. I've had two girls in the past who texted me good morning and stuff without me initiating it, and they weren't interested me at all. One already had a boyfriend, and the other was a lesbian. I'm not sure if they were taking pity on me because I'm lonely, or what. That's not a reliable sign.

One thing I'm really curious about is how to tell the difference between romantic interest and friendly politeness. Girls smile at me occasionally, and I used to think that that meant they like me in some way, but they do that to everyone. Or perhaps I'm too weird for normal people and nobody really likes me.

You seriously think that married women and lesbians have the same considerations of single straight women in their interactions with single men?

Did a single woman ever texted you a good morning just for the sake of it? (group planning and favors not included)

Not really, but you don't know if someone has a boyfriend or is lesbian just from looking at them. I only found out later in those two cases.

kraftiekortie
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23 Aug 2017, 8:12 pm

I was friends with a lesbian once.

She became straight when she got drunk, though.

We never had "full intercourse"---but we did stuff......

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