How can I help my crush relax around me?

Post Reply New Topic

He is on the autism spectrum and gets stressed, anxious and shy when I'm around, so he starts stimming and then feels ashamed about it, so he ends up avoiding me for weeks. How can I show him that it doesn't bother me and all I want is to make sure he's feeling comfortable and safe around me? Bear hugs or no touch at all? Open conversations or pretending nothing happened? Trying to be more relaxed myself or admitting that I'm nervous, too? I've had cognitive behavioural therapy sessions for social anxiety, so I understand what he's going through and maybe I could give him some pointers? Any suggestions would be very welcome.

In detail:

My friend told me he is on the autism spectrum and that he's also extremely shy, but I thought he was just joking because he seemed completely fine to me (I'm a medic). We started hanging out a lot, he participated in my hobbies, trying to be more outgoing, opening up more and more and having deep conversations. Then I started having feelings for him. We kissed and then things got tricky... He started stimming around me and that's when I realised he is indeed on the autism spectrum. He started being very nervous around me, blushing and talking very quickly. He can hug other people, but he can barely touch me when I hug him.

I think he likes me because there's a lot of chemistry between us that other people have noticed, too. When he's not stressed, we still laugh together a lot and he gives me a lot of attention, and is very helpful. I don't want to pressure him, so I gave him a lot of space to figure things out. But in the same time, I would like to show him that taking things to the next level could be fun and rewarding. I think once we're feeling comfortable around each other again, things will go well. He likes talking about sex and sounded experienced, but I have the impression that he struggles with emotional intimacy. How can I help him?

I'm also open to being just friends, if in fact he has no romantic interest in me and might be behaving this way because he's afraid that I might get hurt... He's so amazing, bright, handsome, funny and understanding!!

Thank you!

Patience.

You are quite a good writer btw. Good storey weaving ability.

You are already in a place most of us here have never seen. You've got a friendship and communication.

Again I'd say patience is the key and direct communication. Ask how he feels about talking it to the next level.

I don't see the point in asking the same forum the same questions over and over under different user accounts though.

You'll either be stuck in limbo forever or you directly tell him what you want and he doesn't feel the same. Or he does want the same and its a win win.

Be yourself.

Thank you! This is my only post on Wrong Planet, but if there are other similar ones, can you point me towards them please?