Male disposability in life & dating
18 Oct 2017, 7:46 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Funny you should mention the intelligent man. Women appear to be very drawn to intelligent over average. Case in point, I know a very aspie person who is very different, looking and the way he acts. He is also extremely intelligent and has no problems on dating sites. People love an intelligent, interesting conversation. As someone who has guinea pigged men and women on dating sites for years, intelligence and decent conversational skills are lacking in the messages 98% of men send.
The two aspie men I enjoy talking to on a regular basis are both extremely intelligent. One is an intellectual genius, the other, a master of perception and awareness. Both wonderful in their own way. I’m quite picky though, I get bored of average intelligence very easily. I can’t converse with low at all really.
The two aspie men I enjoy talking to on a regular basis are both extremely intelligent. One is an intellectual genius, the other, a master of perception and awareness. Both wonderful in their own way. I’m quite picky though, I get bored of average intelligence very easily. I can’t converse with low at all really.
I'll bite. Because I hear other girls say this often then when I ask for context it usually means game.
But sure are you talking about conversations like politics? Or are you saying you want a guy to keep a conversation exciting and fresh and not be boring and mundane like, "seen any good movies lately?"
If someone messages me about what movies I’ve seen I’d probably ignore them. I tend to favour deeper conversations about life, human behaviour and scientific things.
Politics isn’t a bad topic. I can imagine people would reply to that.
Hale_bopp, in real life, out there, the real humans start conversations with strangers with something "mundane" like.... "Hello, I am X" or if a familiar acquaintance with something like "How was you weekend?"
Expecting stranger guys to send you a scientific or philosophical essay as a first message just to satisfy your ego and and increase your likehood to reply is frankly narcissitic and creepy.
Also imagine in real life someone you don't even know their name telling you:
"Hey Hale_Bopp, did you know they found a major security bug in WPA2 wifi protocol?"
Creepy...
Honestly some of you women who have been using internet dating for long have lost some of your sense of humanity and became a walking list of crazy expectations. Return to earth.
I don’t mind making small talk to real life people, that’s fine. Online people you know nothing about really until you have a proper conversation that dverts from “Hi how are u” or “ have you seen x movie” I don’t expect an essay, I prefer a couple of lines that don’t completely bore the s**t out of me.
Due to the volume of people who contact you online, it’s not worth replying to anyone unless they really interest you with their conversation. Otherwise you would be there all day.
I haven’t had any problems. It’s narrowed down guys from 1000 to a good 10 who I’ve really enjoyed talking to. It’s not crazy if it works.
Also, don’t patronise me about not knowing how life works. I am online 5% if the time and interacting with real people 95% of the time. I’m aware that offline you approach things differently.
19 Oct 2017, 6:48 am
Chronos wrote:
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
Chronos wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
magz wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You guys turned hurtloam into an asexual, bravo guys, bravo!
Jumps to the crocodiles.. volunarily..
There's this great saying.. You can either love women, or you can understand them, you can't do both. I think that's accurate. The same can probably be said about men too.
Greet the crocodiles for me!
No, understanding men helps - if you know when to keep your mouth shut.
hurtloam wrote:
Clakker wrote:
Dear Universe,
After reading through the entire thread, which covered the men's rights movement, feminism, unemployed men, supermarket woman, fast food woman, obese woman, picky women, gold diggers, skinny women, plus size woman, various definitions of what constitutes a real man, an average man, or desirable man, John Mayer, the dating game in general, one unsuspecting older obese woman, the obligatory pedo discussion and subsequent consensus that all men are sick, and, of course, so so much more...I still want a girlfriend.
After reading through the entire thread, which covered the men's rights movement, feminism, unemployed men, supermarket woman, fast food woman, obese woman, picky women, gold diggers, skinny women, plus size woman, various definitions of what constitutes a real man, an average man, or desirable man, John Mayer, the dating game in general, one unsuspecting older obese woman, the obligatory pedo discussion and subsequent consensus that all men are sick, and, of course, so so much more...I still want a girlfriend.
I don't want a boyfriend anymore. Thank you wrong planet. You've dispelled that desire and I can get in with my life now. :p
This is the problem: when a woman is disappointed with men, she can give it up.
But the man's desire for women seems much stronger.
This is the situation for current society we are living in.
Out of balance here.
I'm still attracted to men. I still want one, but i'd rather not. The ones left over seem to be bitter and filled with conspiracy theories about women.
This forum puts me off internet dating. I don't want to interview screeds of bitter men with bizarre ideas about women.
This was actually a big obstacle I ran in to when I began to actively seek a man (being they weren't seeking me). I kept finding myself attacked by men with strange theories who were bitter at rejection they received in their teens and 20s, from girls and women who were certainly not me. They would concoct stories about my history which were completely untrue, for example, that I spent my 20s having a lot of sex with "alpha males" while ignoring the "nice guys" and use that for justification of their abuse towards me and other women. One man told me he doesn't date women my age because we all have "baggage", but how can I have baggage if I've never been on a vacation, so to speak? This was when I was 27, by the way. 10 years later, at 37, I now get men insisting I'm not suitable for them because they want children, and apparently they think 37 year old women are all barren. The reality is, I can easily give a man 3 kids the natural way before my fertility actually runs out, and a lot more if he wanted to do IVF. And then there's the men who hate all American women, 40 year old's who claim to only date 20 year olds and then dump them after they have sex (yes, they actually thinks that makes women jealous of them), and the men who hate all American women because we are supposedly all materialistic. The reality is, being on the spectrum, I was the "nice girl" who those "nice guys' largely ignored, and I don't deserve to be the recipient of abuse or hostilities of the men who are bitter over being rejected or dumped at a time in their life where most men experience rejection and most people get dumped. I don't deserve to be the one who's attacked just because I'm the only woman still standing around, who they ignored while they chased after all the "real" girls. Anyway, I've concluded that if there is a man out there for me, I will likely not find him on the internet.
I call bs on this. Unless you were fat while young you had ton a of guys approach you. Fat is the only major turn off to most men. So either you were fat or hung out with a non approachable crowd.
Probably because it doesn't fit with your perceptions of the world, but your perceptions as a 24 year old male don't invalidate my experiences as a female for 37 years.
I was fat between the ages of 15 and 20, after which I was a healthy weight. However being fat does not make a girl or woman any less of a girl or woman...they "count" just as much as any girl or woman just like fat, poor, shy, balding, socially awkward...short, skinny, boys and men count as boys and men. I did not hang out with any crowd and most of my friends and classmates were males. I just wasn't thought of as a "real" girl. Boo talks about essentially the same phenomena with men, where many girls and women don't think of them as potential sexual partners. They just think of them as friends, or irrelevant with respect to dating.
You say healthy but I'm gonna level with you. Unless a guy is of equal weight, typically speaking men want a girl who is slim to lightly curvy excluding some African Americans who prefer more for the added gains. And I've seen this time and time again with girls who have male friends. One tries to talk to her and she rejects and the rest don't bother. Are you honestly going to tell me none of your friends who were males tried to hit on you ever?
And yes. In today's society if you are fat al though it's easily fixed in a sense you are not placed in a date able category with men. For women, its status, game, wealth, looks etc.
_________________
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19 Oct 2017, 6:51 am
I think what's most annoying is. Women in their 20- 30s can be told by women in their 40s and up how little the standards women have for guys matter and yet still ignore and end up alone or settling for some guy who is waaay below what they had a chance wot earlier in life.
The inability for people to judge time and make decisions especially females is amazing. And that's coming from someone accepted as one who is friends with a lot of them.
_________________
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19 Oct 2017, 6:54 am
hale_bopp wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Funny you should mention the intelligent man. Women appear to be very drawn to intelligent over average. Case in point, I know a very aspie person who is very different, looking and the way he acts. He is also extremely intelligent and has no problems on dating sites. People love an intelligent, interesting conversation. As someone who has guinea pigged men and women on dating sites for years, intelligence and decent conversational skills are lacking in the messages 98% of men send.
The two aspie men I enjoy talking to on a regular basis are both extremely intelligent. One is an intellectual genius, the other, a master of perception and awareness. Both wonderful in their own way. I’m quite picky though, I get bored of average intelligence very easily. I can’t converse with low at all really.
The two aspie men I enjoy talking to on a regular basis are both extremely intelligent. One is an intellectual genius, the other, a master of perception and awareness. Both wonderful in their own way. I’m quite picky though, I get bored of average intelligence very easily. I can’t converse with low at all really.
I'll bite. Because I hear other girls say this often then when I ask for context it usually means game.
But sure are you talking about conversations like politics? Or are you saying you want a guy to keep a conversation exciting and fresh and not be boring and mundane like, "seen any good movies lately?"
If someone messages me about what movies I’ve seen I’d probably ignore them. I tend to favour deeper conversations about life, human behaviour and scientific things.
Politics isn’t a bad topic. I can imagine people would reply to that.
Hale_bopp, in real life, out there, the real humans start conversations with strangers with something "mundane" like.... "Hello, I am X" or if a familiar acquaintance with something like "How was you weekend?"
Expecting stranger guys to send you a scientific or philosophical essay as a first message just to satisfy your ego and and increase your likehood to reply is frankly narcissitic and creepy.
Also imagine in real life someone you don't even know their name telling you:
"Hey Hale_Bopp, did you know they found a major security bug in WPA2 wifi protocol?"
Creepy...
Honestly some of you women who have been using internet dating for long have lost some of your sense of humanity and became a walking list of crazy expectations. Return to earth.
I don’t mind making small talk to real life people, that’s fine. Online people you know nothing about really until you have a proper conversation that dverts from “Hi how are u” or “ have you seen x movie” I don’t expect an essay, I prefer a couple of lines that don’t completely bore the s**t out of me.
Due to the volume of people who contact you online, it’s not worth replying to anyone unless they really interest you with their conversation. Otherwise you would be there all day.
I haven’t had any problems. It’s narrowed down guys from 1000 to a good 10 who I’ve really enjoyed talking to. It’s not crazy if it works.
Also, don’t patronise me about not knowing how life works. I am online 5% if the time and interacting with real people 95% of the time. I’m aware that offline you approach things differently.
So basically you are spoiled. You want conversation to be exciting, but what you don't realize is that's not how life works. You live in the age of having what you want when you want it. So you have an unrealistic standard that makes it so that the only men you end up talking to online are ones who are skilled at this and treat it as a game. I bet they treat you as a game also and know how to press buttons to get your attention lol.
"I want a conversation that doesn't bore me" lol how about you try starting a non mundane one then instead of waiting on someone else to do it for you
_________________
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19 Oct 2017, 8:00 am
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
You say healthy but I'm gonna level with you. Unless a guy is of equal weight, typically speaking men want a girl who is slim to lightly curvy excluding some African Americans who prefer more for the added gains. And I've seen this time and time again with girls who have male friends. One tries to talk to her and she rejects and the rest don't bother. Are you honestly going to tell me none of your friends who were males tried to hit on you ever?
1. Are you just telling that for males a girl's weight is the make it or break it thing, almost the only one that matters?
2. I am one of the girls with lots of male friends. Almost all of them are in long term relationships or married by now and we are even closer now. I know it is hard to imagine to some guys but most of the men I encounter treat me like their sister. There is this kind of air about some women that guys don't think of them in terms of the opposite sex.
But I admit, I had my share of male interest. And I turned some men down on the spot if I knew it won't work in the long run. You say women are irrational but my expirience is that men are even more irrational. They like a girl's physique, they lose their minds, not think of anything beyond that. I hate breakups so I never gave a chance to anyone too likely to end up that way. This I found more fair than flirting when not seriously interested.
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
19 Oct 2017, 8:05 am
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
So basically you are spoiled. You want conversation to be exciting, but what you don't realize is that's not how life works. You live in the age of having what you want when you want it. So you have an unrealistic standard that makes it so that the only men you end up talking to online are ones who are skilled at this and treat it as a game. I bet they treat you as a game also and know how to press buttons to get your attention lol.
But that is the way online dating works, or any dating with a too large number of potential partners. That's basically why online dating is totally worthless unless you like games and seek a lot of attention or validation. People without those preferences probably get fed up with this pretty fast. When these same people validate people offline, they have completely different (and much lower) requirements, because if they hadn't, nobody offline would match their preferences. It's all about creating a manageable dating pool.
In fact, online dating is not much different from the meat market and one-night-stands. It's only the medium that is different.
19 Oct 2017, 8:34 am
magz wrote:
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
You say healthy but I'm gonna level with you. Unless a guy is of equal weight, typically speaking men want a girl who is slim to lightly curvy excluding some African Americans who prefer more for the added gains. And I've seen this time and time again with girls who have male friends. One tries to talk to her and she rejects and the rest don't bother. Are you honestly going to tell me none of your friends who were males tried to hit on you ever?
1. Are you just telling that for males a girl's weight is the make it or break it thing, almost the only one that matters?
2. I am one of the girls with lots of male friends. Almost all of them are in long term relationships or married by now and we are even closer now. I know it is hard to imagine to some guys but most of the men I encounter treat me like their sister. There is this kind of air about some women that guys don't think of them in terms of the opposite sex.
But I admit, I had my share of male interest. And I turned some men down on the spot if I knew it won't work in the long run. You say women are irrational but my expirience is that men are even more irrational. They like a girl's physique, they lose their minds, not think of anything beyond that. I hate breakups so I never gave a chance to anyone too likely to end up that way. This I found more fair than flirting when not seriously interested.
Yup weight is pretty much everything to men. Most standards out of that are insanely flexible unless it's a picky guy and those tend to be the ones women focus on so it's a catch 22.
_________________
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19 Oct 2017, 8:42 am
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
Yup weight is pretty much everything to men. Most standards out of that are insanely flexible unless it's a picky guy and those tend to be the ones women focus on so it's a catch 22.
I'm glad I don't live in America, so these race and weight issues are kind of exotic here.
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
19 Oct 2017, 10:09 am
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Funny you should mention the intelligent man. Women appear to be very drawn to intelligent over average. Case in point, I know a very aspie person who is very different, looking and the way he acts. He is also extremely intelligent and has no problems on dating sites. People love an intelligent, interesting conversation. As someone who has guinea pigged men and women on dating sites for years, intelligence and decent conversational skills are lacking in the messages 98% of men send.
The two aspie men I enjoy talking to on a regular basis are both extremely intelligent. One is an intellectual genius, the other, a master of perception and awareness. Both wonderful in their own way. I’m quite picky though, I get bored of average intelligence very easily. I can’t converse with low at all really.
The two aspie men I enjoy talking to on a regular basis are both extremely intelligent. One is an intellectual genius, the other, a master of perception and awareness. Both wonderful in their own way. I’m quite picky though, I get bored of average intelligence very easily. I can’t converse with low at all really.
I'll bite. Because I hear other girls say this often then when I ask for context it usually means game.
But sure are you talking about conversations like politics? Or are you saying you want a guy to keep a conversation exciting and fresh and not be boring and mundane like, "seen any good movies lately?"
If someone messages me about what movies I’ve seen I’d probably ignore them. I tend to favour deeper conversations about life, human behaviour and scientific things.
Politics isn’t a bad topic. I can imagine people would reply to that.
Hale_bopp, in real life, out there, the real humans start conversations with strangers with something "mundane" like.... "Hello, I am X" or if a familiar acquaintance with something like "How was you weekend?"
Expecting stranger guys to send you a scientific or philosophical essay as a first message just to satisfy your ego and and increase your likehood to reply is frankly narcissitic and creepy.
Also imagine in real life someone you don't even know their name telling you:
"Hey Hale_Bopp, did you know they found a major security bug in WPA2 wifi protocol?"
Creepy...
Honestly some of you women who have been using internet dating for long have lost some of your sense of humanity and became a walking list of crazy expectations. Return to earth.
I don’t mind making small talk to real life people, that’s fine. Online people you know nothing about really until you have a proper conversation that dverts from “Hi how are u” or “ have you seen x movie” I don’t expect an essay, I prefer a couple of lines that don’t completely bore the s**t out of me.
Due to the volume of people who contact you online, it’s not worth replying to anyone unless they really interest you with their conversation. Otherwise you would be there all day.
I haven’t had any problems. It’s narrowed down guys from 1000 to a good 10 who I’ve really enjoyed talking to. It’s not crazy if it works.
Also, don’t patronise me about not knowing how life works. I am online 5% if the time and interacting with real people 95% of the time. I’m aware that offline you approach things differently.
So basically you are spoiled. You want conversation to be exciting, but what you don't realize is that's not how life works. You live in the age of having what you want when you want it. So you have an unrealistic standard that makes it so that the only men you end up talking to online are ones who are skilled at this and treat it as a game. I bet they treat you as a game also and know how to press buttons to get your attention lol.
"I want a conversation that doesn't bore me" lol how about you try starting a non mundane one then instead of waiting on someone else to do it for you
It's a numbers problem - the male-to-female ratio in dating sites are like 20:1 (don't believe the "official ratios", they lie and count the fakes).
hale bopp, check this:
viewtopic.php?t=342818
So women receive messages way more than men, hence why their expectations get inflated, even on silly details.
19 Oct 2017, 10:32 am
rdos wrote:
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
So basically you are spoiled. You want conversation to be exciting, but what you don't realize is that's not how life works. You live in the age of having what you want when you want it. So you have an unrealistic standard that makes it so that the only men you end up talking to online are ones who are skilled at this and treat it as a game. I bet they treat you as a game also and know how to press buttons to get your attention lol.
But that is the way online dating works, or any dating with a too large number of potential partners. That's basically why online dating is totally worthless unless you like games and seek a lot of attention or validation. People without those preferences probably get fed up with this pretty fast. When these same people validate people offline, they have completely different (and much lower) requirements, because if they hadn't, nobody offline would match their preferences. It's all about creating a manageable dating pool.
In fact, online dating is not much different from the meat market and one-night-stands. It's only the medium that is different.
Yeah I signed up to a couple of dating sites and they stressed me out. Too many pictures of strangers. It just didn't feel comfortable to me. Not my preferred way of meeting men.
19 Oct 2017, 11:03 am
hurtloam wrote:
rdos wrote:
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
So basically you are spoiled. You want conversation to be exciting, but what you don't realize is that's not how life works. You live in the age of having what you want when you want it. So you have an unrealistic standard that makes it so that the only men you end up talking to online are ones who are skilled at this and treat it as a game. I bet they treat you as a game also and know how to press buttons to get your attention lol.
But that is the way online dating works, or any dating with a too large number of potential partners. That's basically why online dating is totally worthless unless you like games and seek a lot of attention or validation. People without those preferences probably get fed up with this pretty fast. When these same people validate people offline, they have completely different (and much lower) requirements, because if they hadn't, nobody offline would match their preferences. It's all about creating a manageable dating pool.
In fact, online dating is not much different from the meat market and one-night-stands. It's only the medium that is different.
Yeah I signed up to a couple of dating sites and they stressed me out. Too many pictures of strangers. It just didn't feel comfortable to me. Not my preferred way of meeting men.
Its absolutely broken as f**k though. Anyone who actually uses it and keeps a level head can find a mate on there for life. I've know so many people who wrote down exactly what they wanted in a guy that MATTERED and used that site for less than a week and found a life partner. SURE, there might be someone better out there but if you are playing the numbers game with life and time gl to you. You should not discredit how incredibly broken aka overpowered aka extremely good sites like ok cupid are for women if they are actually serious and don't have stupid standards in a guy.
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The_Face_of_Boo
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Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
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19 Oct 2017, 11:14 am
The way I see it, the internet dating industry have failed by large to get enough female memberships; so it's not (the very few who use them) women's fault if their standards there get inflated, because they have many choices, this is power.
That's why all online dating companies, without any exception, create tons of fake female profiles because males are the their sole target audience now since they failed big time in getting women's interest in them.
When I did my regional tinder experiment; for some reason I am seen very attractive in Morocco (even tho they thought I was Morrocan, not a foreigner, I look like them after all), and I got *hundreds* of matches in two days, tinder has less fake profiles than most dating apps .... at first I was swiping right on everyone just for the sake of experiment, but then after reaching 100+ matches I unconsciously started to become picker, swiping left on the less attractive/appealing ones... and started to completely ignore or to delay replying on most who were messaging me - I felt so powerful. It's a good feeling really lol.
*Sigh* - I should have moved before to Casablanca, I swear I would date very beautiful women on eveey weekend (and educated and - Arabic + French speaking like me) ; I would had struggled in dating there that much with all these choices.
I guess that what happens to most women on dating apps, it's a cause (too much attention) and effect (becoming pickier) thing.
Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 19 Oct 2017, 11:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
19 Oct 2017, 11:20 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The way I see, the internet dating have failed by large to get enough female memberships; so it's not (the very few who use them) women's fault if their standards there get inflated, because they have many choices, this is power.
When I did my regional tinder experiment; for some reason I am seen very attractive in Morocco (even tho they thought I was Morrocan, not a foreigner, I look like them after all), and I got *hundreds* of matches in two days.... at first I was swiping right on everyone just for the sake of experiment, but then after reaching 100+ matches I unconsciously started to become picker, swiping left on the less attractive/appealing ones...
*Sigh* - I should have moved before to Casablanca, I swear I would date very beautiful women on eveey weekend (and educated and - Arabic + French speaking like me) ; I would had struggled in dating there that much with all these choices.
I guess that what happens to most women on dating apps, it's a cause (too much attention) and effect (becoming pickier) thing.
When I did my regional tinder experiment; for some reason I am seen very attractive in Morocco (even tho they thought I was Morrocan, not a foreigner, I look like them after all), and I got *hundreds* of matches in two days.... at first I was swiping right on everyone just for the sake of experiment, but then after reaching 100+ matches I unconsciously started to become picker, swiping left on the less attractive/appealing ones...
*Sigh* - I should have moved before to Casablanca, I swear I would date very beautiful women on eveey weekend (and educated and - Arabic + French speaking like me) ; I would had struggled in dating there that much with all these choices.
I guess that what happens to most women on dating apps, it's a cause (too much attention) and effect (becoming pickier) thing.
Power isn't what corrupts these women, what corrupts them is having power and not recognizing it's situational. For example if I'm playing League and I take a character who can kill anything from 750 range but walk into 200 range in front of a melee character. They are STRONGER in that situation because I am close to them, my advantage is 700 not that I'm just the greatest thing ever.
Situational power, and not understanding it's situational either based on a female's enviroment OR that it's because you are a female is where women struggle. They assume this kinda stuff is natural because no one in hive mind says otherwise.
Also, this might come off as BS but it seems that some female relationships are more about competition and less about brotherhood/sisterhood. Again this COULD be wrong, but it's what ive observed on a small scale from the few I've seen.
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The_Face_of_Boo
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Age: 41
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