New young female co-worker joined today.

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XFilesGeek
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25 Nov 2017, 9:01 pm

sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Why’s she need a house?


Why would she have to need a house? Can't she just want it? I mean, most of the things that exist aren't necessary for anyone's survival, people just get these things because they want to

Excellent point. It's ok for people to want things they don't need. It's no different than how Sly wants a girlfriend even though he doesn't need one.


Oh I know
I’m sub human servant I should just shut up server the rich and middle class until I die all alone and sad. That’s my fault not purpose and use in this life. I wasn’t born to be happy or have what 90% of the rest of the world has. Just a throwaway being.


Elliot Rogers was a POS who didn't deserve female companionship.

You're a guy with a legitimate disability who is struggling in life.

Don't accept society's bullsh_t. I'm an ugly, asexual, bulldy_e, but I refuse to accept their judgement.


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Fireblossom
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26 Nov 2017, 5:26 am

sly279 wrote:
Because she says she wants a guy that can provide for himself. Providing is about needs not wants. So a guy doesn’t need a house so if he’s renting then he’s providing for himself

I don’t say if you want to date me you have to be able to afford a PS4 and new tv.
Also my old tv was 25 years old and I wouldn’t be able to play any new games on the PS3 when new gen comes games only come out for it. House =\=PS4 a beret comparison would be her shoes or makeup or clothes.

People need to do as they say. So just come out and say I’m superficial and a guy needs to be able to afford to buy me a house so o can feel important. Don’t say he needs to just be able to pay for himself when you really mean he needs to make enough to live upper middle class lifestyle.

It’s also a huge expense just like cars
5,000 for roof fixes, 20,000 or more if the structure needs repaired, 3,000-4,000 for plumbing issues, etc etc etc. I as a renter don’t have to pay for any of that. Wp when a treee falls on our house in Winter storm the owner pays 10,000 to fix it not me. When the old plumbing goes bad they pay to fix it not me. Houses like cars are a sink hole for money and the market could drop out at any time leaving you spending more then the house is worth and your still paying mortgage payments with interest.
My uncle has spent so much on his two houses.

No thanks. I’d only buy a house if I won the lottery. I’d buy a brand newly built house just for me that I’d inppect during building and then insure it up the crap load. Something most middle class can’t do. They buy 50-80 old houses that they hope won’t have any issues.


But what if the woman wants to live with the guy and she can afford handling a house yet he can't? Even if they could handle things in a way that the woman pays most of the expenses and the man just something he can afford the man would still be financially depending on the woman. Not completely, but still. If they're both fine with a situation like this then there's no problem, but what if the woman doesn't want to provide for the man (or the man doesn't want to depend on the woman) and wants them to be financially equal? In that case she would either have to:
a) Move to a place the man can afford equally with her, possibly the kind of place that doesn't fit her lifestyle and isn't the best possible choise financially or otherwise. Of course, if the woman (and the man) is fine with doing this for the sake of the man (woman) then there's no reason she (he) shouldn't, but it's not wrong to want to live in a certain way, especially if you can afford it and that leads to obtion
b) She should leave the man who she can't be happy with and find someone else. It is not wrong to have goals in life and want to go forward.

I think you missed my point with the tv. All I was saying is that you never needed a playstation so you never really needed a new tv either, but you bought one anyway, so why wouldn't it be okay for a woman to want things she doesn't need, like a house of her own? Her wants aren't any less important than yours even if they are more expensive.

And that's not really how it goes. If a woman is living a certain kind of lifestyle and doesn't want to give it up, then a man who can't join her in such a life with his own money can't really cover for himself in that lifestyle. Yes, the men can keep themselves alive, but I don't think that is what these women mean. They want the man to be able to afford joining their life without having to make big changes to it just for that man's sake. If that's right or wrong, well, that debends on one's views I suppose.

Yes, a house or an apartment of your own does have its expenses, but it's still an investment with it's upsides too. I'm not too familiar with USA's rules when it comes to renting or buying the place you live in, but I don't think they're much different from here, so let's look at the ups and downs of owning and renting:

Owning, ups:
- You can make the place look just the way you want it to as long as you have the money to do it.
- Unless you cause a lot of trouble to others in the area no one can kick you out.
- It is an investment; in 20 years you might be able to pay of the loan and actually own the house and sell it later when you want to.
- The house's value might raise.
- Some people do see it as a sign of succes, so if reputation is important to you then this helps.

Owning, downs:
- If you want to move elsewhere it'll be a lot harder to move out than if you were renting the place.
- The value could go down.
- You might be unable to pay the loan for some reason and have to sell the place underpriced.
- Some might see you as a snob just because you own a house (not exactly a thing here, but maybe it is so in USA?)
- Having to deal with renovations and having trouble to move out until they're done if they're big ones.

Renting, ups:
- Easy to get rid of if you get a job elsewhere or want to move for some other reason.
- Not having to handle paperwork or anything like that when it comes to fixing the place.

Renting, downs:
- You can't make any changes to the apartment without your landlord's permission (well, you can in some apartments, but not in most, at least not here.)
- After paying rent for 20 years you have nothing left of that money unlike if you would've used the time and money to pay off a loan.
- Having to fear being kicked out because the owner wants to sell the place or something.
- You still have to deal with renovations. Even if you aren't the one paying they'll still be done and since you're not the owner you might not always get all the necessary information on time.
- Some people do seem to look down on those who are renting.

Feel free to add things to those lists if I've missed something important. The point is that both forms of living have their negative and positive sides and that people choose one based on what their values (and financial situation) are.

...And here I go again; getting as far away from the topic as one can. Sorry Markins!



fluffysaurus
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26 Nov 2017, 6:22 am

Fireblossom makes a good point, when in a relationship people socialise together, so if one has more money, who's budget should they fit within?

I find this very awkward. I try to keep things within my own budget (very small) but I think this has been interpreted as a sign that I am uninterested (unwilling to feel beholden). It is very confusing. I did this to begin with because it seemed fairer and dates were not richer than me, but as I have gotten older it's become a bit of a defense against being thought a parasite.

I think the most important thing is to have the same attitude to money, rather than necessarily the same amount. For it to have the same value/importance in your lives.



Marknis
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26 Nov 2017, 8:28 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Why’s she need a house?


Why would she have to need a house? Can't she just want it? I mean, most of the things that exist aren't necessary for anyone's survival, people just get these things because they want to

Excellent point. It's ok for people to want things they don't need. It's no different than how Sly wants a girlfriend even though he doesn't need one.


Oh I know
I’m sub human servant I should just shut up server the rich and middle class until I die all alone and sad. That’s my fault not purpose and use in this life. I wasn’t born to be happy or have what 90% of the rest of the world has. Just a throwaway being.


Elliot Rogers was a POS who didn't deserve female companionship.

You're a guy with a legitimate disability who is struggling in life.

Don't accept society's bullsh_t. I'm an ugly, asexual, bulldy_e, but I refuse to accept their judgement.


I've been compared to Elliot Rodger on another forum just because I expressed confusion on why girls my age seemed to always go for jerks and the widespread belief he had Aspergers as well. Elliot Rodgers was a narcissist but also at the same time hated himself for being half-Asian. He was a complicated and twisted person. He should not be used as a basis to compare anyone on the spectrum with.



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27 Nov 2017, 2:15 am

Marknis wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Why’s she need a house?


Why would she have to need a house? Can't she just want it? I mean, most of the things that exist aren't necessary for anyone's survival, people just get these things because they want to

Excellent point. It's ok for people to want things they don't need. It's no different than how Sly wants a girlfriend even though he doesn't need one.


Oh I know
I’m sub human servant I should just shut up server the rich and middle class until I die all alone and sad. That’s my fault not purpose and use in this life. I wasn’t born to be happy or have what 90% of the rest of the world has. Just a throwaway being.


Elliot Rogers was a POS who didn't deserve female companionship.

You're a guy with a legitimate disability who is struggling in life.

Don't accept society's bullsh_t. I'm an ugly, asexual, bulldy_e, but I refuse to accept their judgement.


I've been compared to Elliot Rodger on another forum just because I expressed confusion on why girls my age seemed to always go for jerks and the widespread belief he had Aspergers as well. Elliot Rodgers was a narcissist but also at the same time hated himself for being half-Asian. He was a complicated and twisted person. He should not be used as a basis to compare anyone on the spectrum with.


The amount of women I've seen with men who are clearly not jerks is staggering. Maybe where you live everyone is a jerk so the women are just used to it.



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27 Nov 2017, 7:32 am

sly279 wrote:
No thanks. I’d only buy a house if I won the lottery. I’d buy a brand newly built house just for me that I’d inppect during building and then insure it up the crap load. Something most middle class can’t do. They buy 50-80 old houses that they hope won’t have any issues.

Not to go too much on a tangent, but the bottom line is that nobody I know who is well off financially rents their home. Nobody. That is also the reason why my wife (was) much better off financially despite a lower income. Houses in Canada have risen to absurd levels in places and the cost keeps going up and up with no end in sight. That's not even considering a mortgage payment is very stable while rent went up 4% every year (while wages went up less than 1%). That's not even getting into how our good credit got us a great mortgage rate, while with renting I paid the same as everyone else and how renters are far worse neighbors as a general rule.

When you buy a house, you just make sure you pay for a good inspection and note any issues. Sure, our house has had some unexpected and somewhat expensive repairs but it is still cheaper than rent or condo fees. The biggest reason to buy is retirement equity. I can't believe how many people rent and have no savings or retirement plan in place. Do they think that they can work full time until they are 90??



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27 Nov 2017, 8:36 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
sly279 wrote:
No thanks. I’d only buy a house if I won the lottery. I’d buy a brand newly built house just for me that I’d inppect during building and then insure it up the crap load. Something most middle class can’t do. They buy 50-80 old houses that they hope won’t have any issues.

Not to go too much on a tangent, but the bottom line is that nobody I know who is well off financially rents their home. Nobody. That is also the reason why my wife (was) much better off financially despite a lower income. Houses in Canada have risen to absurd levels in places and the cost keeps going up and up with no end in sight. That's not even considering a mortgage payment is very stable while rent went up 4% every year (while wages went up less than 1%). That's not even getting into how our good credit got us a great mortgage rate, while with renting I paid the same as everyone else and how renters are far worse neighbors as a general rule.

When you buy a house, you just make sure you pay for a good inspection and note any issues. Sure, our house has had some unexpected and somewhat expensive repairs but it is still cheaper than rent or condo fees. The biggest reason to buy is retirement equity. I can't believe how many people rent and have no savings or retirement plan in place. Do they think that they can work full time until they are 90??

I'm screwed!! 8O


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27 Nov 2017, 10:50 am

House loan is an investement, while rent is just burning money.



Marknis
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27 Nov 2017, 1:04 pm

Sabreclaw wrote:
Marknis wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Why’s she need a house?


Why would she have to need a house? Can't she just want it? I mean, most of the things that exist aren't necessary for anyone's survival, people just get these things because they want to

Excellent point. It's ok for people to want things they don't need. It's no different than how Sly wants a girlfriend even though he doesn't need one.


Oh I know
I’m sub human servant I should just shut up server the rich and middle class until I die all alone and sad. That’s my fault not purpose and use in this life. I wasn’t born to be happy or have what 90% of the rest of the world has. Just a throwaway being.


Elliot Rogers was a POS who didn't deserve female companionship.

You're a guy with a legitimate disability who is struggling in life.

Don't accept society's bullsh_t. I'm an ugly, asexual, bulldy_e, but I refuse to accept their judgement.


I've been compared to Elliot Rodger on another forum just because I expressed confusion on why girls my age seemed to always go for jerks and the widespread belief he had Aspergers as well. Elliot Rodgers was a narcissist but also at the same time hated himself for being half-Asian. He was a complicated and twisted person. He should not be used as a basis to compare anyone on the spectrum with.


The amount of women I've seen with men who are clearly not jerks is staggering. Maybe where you live everyone is a jerk so the women are just used to it.


They also have gender roles jammed into their minds from an early age. They are told they need to "shut up" and do what men tell them to do. It doesn't matter if it's the White, Black, or Hispanic cultures, the three biggest cultures here, they are all male first. If a guy harasses a girl, she's supposed to take it and it's completely messed up.



XFilesGeek
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27 Nov 2017, 6:28 pm

Marknis wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Why’s she need a house?


Why would she have to need a house? Can't she just want it? I mean, most of the things that exist aren't necessary for anyone's survival, people just get these things because they want to

Excellent point. It's ok for people to want things they don't need. It's no different than how Sly wants a girlfriend even though he doesn't need one.


Oh I know
I’m sub human servant I should just shut up server the rich and middle class until I die all alone and sad. That’s my fault not purpose and use in this life. I wasn’t born to be happy or have what 90% of the rest of the world has. Just a throwaway being.


Elliot Rogers was a POS who didn't deserve female companionship.

You're a guy with a legitimate disability who is struggling in life.

Don't accept society's bullsh_t. I'm an ugly, asexual, bulldy_e, but I refuse to accept their judgement.


I've been compared to Elliot Rodger on another forum just because I expressed confusion on why girls my age seemed to always go for jerks and the widespread belief he had Aspergers as well. Elliot Rodgers was a narcissist but also at the same time hated himself for being half-Asian. He was a complicated and twisted person. He should not be used as a basis to compare anyone on the spectrum with.


Agreed.

RE: owning a home.

Granted, it's the American dream, but, at the moment, I don't have thousands of dollars to put on a down-payment. I'm a screwed-up, ADHD-headed, non-starter who is taking forever to get her life together. Additionally, some people rent because they are physically unable to maintain a house.


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27 Nov 2017, 8:01 pm

Houses are great if you like to work with your hands and fix or build things. Especially since imported tools are so cheap. I can buy a new tool and fix all sorts of stuff in a few days. Or less if it is something I know about already.



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27 Nov 2017, 8:21 pm

BTDT wrote:
Houses are great if you like to work with your hands and fix or build things. Especially since imported tools are so cheap. I can buy a new tool and fix all sorts of stuff in a few days. Or less if it is something I know about already.


Yes, and for the rest of us, we need to hire expensive professionals.

Yeah, people criticize renting, but owning a home requires mortgage payments, property taxes, school taxes, whatever other taxes the county invents, water, sewage, and garbage, plus heating/cooling (which can be very expensive depending on the method), not to mention all of the physical work.

Additionally, most people in the U.S. don't realize the only actually "own" a few inches of topsoil, and, if their property is sitting next to a government-maintained road, they can take several feet of your land to install new road works.


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sly279
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27 Nov 2017, 11:40 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
BTDT wrote:
Houses are great if you like to work with your hands and fix or build things. Especially since imported tools are so cheap. I can buy a new tool and fix all sorts of stuff in a few days. Or less if it is something I know about already.


Yes, and for the rest of us, we need to hire expensive professionals.

Yeah, people criticize renting, but owning a home requires mortgage payments, property taxes, school taxes, whatever other taxes the county invents, water, sewage, and garbage, plus heating/cooling (which can be very expensive depending on the method), not to mention all of the physical work.

Additionally, most people in the U.S. don't realize the only actually "own" a few inches of topsoil, and, if their property is sitting next to a government-maintained road, they can take several feet of your land to install new road works.


My uncle couldn’t expand his house for a shed because that part of land is for road expansion. Property taxes keep increasing in my state. I can’t afford to maintain a car a house is 90% worse then a car at expenses.

Also most people don’t own their house they paying it off and also technically the government owns the property hence you pay taxes and if you fail to they can take it or if they want to put in a new highway they can take it too for cheap compensation.

Also tools aren’t cheap my drill cost $160 which isn’t cheap to me. But then a $500,000 car is cheap to billionaires.



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28 Nov 2017, 12:54 am

I believe that anything you can’t pay for in cash isn’t worth having. The house note investment thing...yeah, that’s what I’d always heard and why I mortgaged my first house. Trouble is loans never adequately take risk into account. The homeowner always loses on this end.

Stay in an apartment unless or until your money situation warrants buying. If you inherit a house or enough money to buy, go for it. And I mean BUY IT. I do not mean “put a down payment on it.” If you inherit some money and think that would make a good down payment on a house, then you’re buying too much house.

Been there. Done that. Ended up homeless. Not going back there again. I OWN the house I live in now.

Knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have bought. Apartments give you the freedom to pick up and move almost whenever you want or need to. Owning a house means you’re stuck, and then you have to deal with selling it when the time comes for you to split. At this point in my career, I can honestly say I’m in a better situation to leave. But getting stuck some place that doesn’t help is just a bad place to be.



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28 Nov 2017, 1:06 am

Aspinator wrote:
To use a current phrase "stay in your lane"; if its meant to happen, it will. Nothing is more awkard than to work around someone has rejected you or is a failed love interest. Show her respect and courtesy and let her learn her new job in peace.


That's very good advice.

There's also the point that office romances tend to create factions that can cause trouble. If she's smart and likes the job, the last thing she will want is to have the job threatened by an office romance. In most cases, an office romance tends to result in the woman going and the man staying.



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28 Nov 2017, 1:08 am

AngelRho wrote:
I believe that anything you can’t pay for in cash isn’t worth having. The house note investment thing...yeah, that’s what I’d always heard and why I mortgaged my first house. Trouble is loans never adequately take risk into account. The homeowner always loses on this end.

Stay in an apartment unless or until your money situation warrants buying. If you inherit a house or enough money to buy, go for it. And I mean BUY IT. I do not mean “put a down payment on it.” If you inherit some money and think that would make a good down payment on a house, then you’re buying too much house.

Been there. Done that. Ended up homeless. Not going back there again. I OWN the house I live in now.

Knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have bought. Apartments give you the freedom to pick up and move almost whenever you want or need to. Owning a house means you’re stuck, and then you have to deal with selling it when the time comes for you to split. At this point in my career, I can honestly say I’m in a better situation to leave. But getting stuck some place that doesn’t help is just a bad place to be.


I have been turned down for jobs in the past when I owned a house because I owned a house. I'm of the firm opinion that when one is young and building a career, owning a house isn't that good an idea.