New young female co-worker joined today.
I thought you had a wife?
Probably having an affair.
*makes retching gestures *
It could be consensual. No need to leap to conclusions. Wait and see what AngelRho has to say for himself first.
RetroGamer87
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Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,970
Location: Adelaide, Australia
I thought you had a wife?
Probably having an affair.
*makes retching gestures *
Maybe his wife is his coworker.
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AngelRho
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Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
I thought you had a wife?
Probably having an affair.
*makes retching gestures *
It could be consensual. No need to leap to conclusions. Wait and see what AngelRho has to say for himself first.
Consensual? No, I didn’t really have much say in the matter.
I already responded to Retro, but...honestly this is much more fun letting you all run with it.
It’s generally considered best practice not to hire couples, but pitching a fit when people pair up at work is lame. I wouldn’t consider co-workers off-limits even if I were in the dating game.
But, I think with Mark’s history jumping into a dating scenario isn’t his best move. Make friends, yes. Give her time and space for training/adjusting to a new environment, yes. If she still seems friendly after 4-6 weeks, go out for lunch or something. Keep it on the “just friends” level until you’re pretty sure it’s not, and keep in mind it could take a while.
Something I tend to forget after being in a relationship for the last 18 years is how many rejections I got, how many relationships ended, and the few of those that forever stand out in my memory as utter disasters. When things don’t work out with this girl, even after you do everything right, then, we’ll, you’ve got the next girl, and the next, then the next... It’ll happen when it’s time.
Woah, slow down!
Just because relationships CAN start at work doesn't mean necessarily that this one will. You've said an awful lot about how this could be a great opportunity for you, but have you given any thought at all to what the girl herself might actually want/not want?
What makes you think this girl will be any more interested in you than she would be in other males? If you're envisioning a relationship already without even being given any indication of interest from the girl, not only have you jumped the gun in a big way, but you're probably setting yourself up for disappointment.
Take a step back and look at the situation for what it is. A young girl whom you havent really talked to and are clearly attracted to has become a co-worker. That's it. For all you know, she could be in a relationship, gay, asexual or just plainly not interested in you, so getting psyched up like you seem to be doing could very well bite you in the arse.
That's not to say you can't or shouldn't befriend the girl and let the chips fall where they may, but you've got to go in with no clear expectations or ulterior motives other than befriending this girl, or she'll probably be able to pick up on the fact that you're there for more than friendship and be scared away by your forwardness (for lack of a better term).
Now if the girl indicates or hints that she likes you more than a friend, that's when you start trying to change the dynamic of your relationship. Trying anything before then will result in a much higher chance of rejection.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
Asking her out, no matter how "casual" it sounds, would still be awkward if the girl is not interested.
Woah, slow down!
Just because relationships CAN start at work doesn't mean necessarily that this one will. You've said an awful lot about how this could be a great opportunity for you, but have you given any thought at all to what the girl herself might actually want/not want?
What makes you think this girl will be any more interested in you than she would be in other males? If you're envisioning a relationship already without even being given any indication of interest from the girl, not only have you jumped the gun in a big way, but you're probably setting yourself up for disappointment.
Take a step back and look at the situation for what it is. A young girl whom you havent really talked to and are clearly attracted to has become a co-worker. That's it. For all you know, she could be in a relationship, gay, asexual or just plainly not interested in you, so getting psyched up like you seem to be doing could very well bite you in the arse.
That's not to say you can't or shouldn't befriend the girl and let the chips fall where they may, but you've got to go in with no clear expectations or ulterior motives other than befriending this girl, or she'll probably be able to pick up on the fact that you're there for more than friendship and be scared away by your forwardness (for lack of a better term).
Now if the girl indicates or hints that she likes you more than a friend, that's when you start trying to change the dynamic of your relationship. Trying anything before then will result in a much higher chance of rejection.
Best advice in here. Asking her out is a silly idea. Fastest way to get you reported to HR.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
^ Asking out is not a sexual harassment tho.
Any girl who reports to HR for a mere being asked out (without any wrong moves from him, and without any further bothering or insistence after rejection from him) is simply sick in the head.
But yeah.....OP, beware the women's logic in these matters.
Any girl who reports to HR for a mere being asked out (without any wrong moves from him, and without any further bothering or insistence after rejection from him) is simply sick in the head.
But yeah.....OP, beware the women's logic in these matters.
It really depends how it’s done. Second day on a new job, it’s probably not very nice to have some guy you may not be interested in all over you.
Generally to count as harassment it happens multiple times, or he does multiple things that make a person feel extremely uncomfortable. Staring constantly, even if it involves turning around to stare, messaging them constantly. And to be honest a work place is a work place, not somewhere to pick people up.
Sometimes relationships form with work mates as friendship grows, but it’s not sensible using it as a pick up joint.
Take others advice and treat her as a coworker you can get to know. Not a potential wife.
Use your common sense. How comfortable in that job are you or her going to be if you ask her out on a whim and it backfires?
Take it slowly. See if you actually like her. Asking her out before you actually know her will simply result in her being aware that you are willing to have a relationship with absolutely anyone, with no thought to whether you enjoy each other's company. That sure doesn't make a girl feel special.
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