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ashleynd92
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25 Sep 2017, 11:32 am

So I have Asperger's. I am lower on the spectrum than most people that I have met with Asperger's. Their is a guy who I go to church with that I have a huge crush on. I have known him for a few months now. Aw far as I know, he doesn't know that I like him. I want to get to know him as a friend, but I am not sure how to do that. He is an extrovert and I am an ambivert.



kraftiekortie
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25 Sep 2017, 11:50 am

Are you with him in a "bible-study' sort of situation? If so, you could talk about your interpretation of some passage with him, and ask what he thinks about that.



ashleynd92
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25 Sep 2017, 12:35 pm

I am in a Bible study group with him. But they are about 60 people who are in the bible study group. He has told me that he doesn't well around a lot of people. It is kind of hard to talk to him in that setting.



SilverBoltsisWmax
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25 Sep 2017, 12:43 pm

ashleynd92 wrote:
I am in a Bible study group with him. But they are about 60 people who are in the bible study group. He has told me that he doesn't well around a lot of people. It is kind of hard to talk to him in that setting.


If he doesn't seem single, has no game aka doesn't date a ton of girls just tell him you like him. You will instantly go from there, keep it simple. No guy hates being told that a girl likes him unless he has an agenda and isn't attracted to you in the first place at all. Guy's form attraction in different ways than girls so you telling him you like he is enough to spark something even if there is nothing now unless he just really doesn't like you at all which in that case at least you tried.

Don't have a plan just tell him you like him. UNLESS he has "game" is popular with other girls and/or you are extremely overweight.

There.



kraftiekortie
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25 Sep 2017, 12:51 pm

I would try to sit next to him, if possible.

Maybe you could ask him out for coffee or something. Tell him he has interesting ideas, and would like to discuss them with him.



ashleynd92
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25 Sep 2017, 1:46 pm

Thanks for the advice.



AspieSingleDad
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28 Sep 2017, 9:55 am

I agree with the advice that you tell him you like him. The worst that can happen is he isn't mutually attracted to you which, I'll admit, is hard to handle. But at least you'd have tried. Guys don't mind women being forward with them. In fact, if the guy is attracted to the woman in question, it's a guy's dream to have that happen. It boosts the guy's male ego and makes things less complicated for him.

I wish you the best of luck because I realize the advice I'm giving is scary and hard to follow. It's okay to be nervous, but I think that TRYING is better than keeping your feelings a secret.



white_as_snow
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28 Sep 2017, 5:53 pm

ashleynd92 wrote:
So I have Asperger's. I am lower on the spectrum than most people that I have met with Asperger's. Their is a guy who I go to church with that I have a huge crush on. I have known him for a few months now. Aw far as I know, he doesn't know that I like him. I want to get to know him as a friend, but I am not sure how to do that. He is an extrovert and I am an ambivert.



tell him that you like him and want to be his friend. its not a big deal.



ashleynd92
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29 Sep 2017, 2:35 pm

Yeah, I need to tell him. But I tend to freak out and I get really nervous and I usually can't get the words to come out of my mouth. I am much better at texting, writing a letter or just writing them a Facebook message. In the past, I had done the whole tell one of guy's friends to tell him for me, because I can't do it. I also have had problems with getting rejected.



AspieSingleDad
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29 Sep 2017, 4:30 pm

ashleynd92 wrote:
Yeah, I need to tell him. But I tend to freak out and I get really nervous and I usually can't get the words to come out of my mouth. I am much better at texting, writing a letter or just writing them a Facebook message. In the past, I had done the whole tell one of guy's friends to tell him for me, because I can't do it. I also have had problems with getting rejected.


So than text him and tell him. Here's the deal, it's easy for us to suggest that you do this, we aren't the ones who are taking the risk, right? But the cool part is, since we don't have skin in the game and are just trying to give good advice, we are giving you objective advice. I'm not gonna lie to you, he might reject you and you might not ever be able to date him or spend a lot of time with him. But I'm not gonna lie to you when I saw there's a chance he'll be happy you like him, and you'll be able to date him and spend a lot of time with him.

If he doesn't want to date you, you'll have had the experience of telling a guy you liked him, and got rejected, and you'll find that YOU SURVIVED. So when the next guy comes along, it'll be easier to ask him out (and please understand, if nothing happens with this guy, you'll get over him and there will be another guy you'll like).

I guess what I'm really saying is at this point it's best to just tell him the truth and let the chips fall where they may. That's better than not telling him. Even if the result is negative, it's still better to tell him the truth. One way or the other, it's a win win situation for you.



AspieSingleDad
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29 Sep 2017, 10:53 pm

So it looks like I'm going to take my own advice. I'm interested in a woman and I believe she's shown and interest in me as well. First of all, I'm scare that I might be wrong and she might not be interested in me, although I'm pretty sure she is.

The other hang up I had is she's 15 years younger than me, but having thought about it, if she's happy with me and I'm happy with her, what's the problem? Heck, she even is nice with my 9 year old son and my 9 year old son asks about her. So I'm going for it! We are lab partners in my physical therapy program so I'll wait until that changes on November 1st (because I wouldn't want things to be too awkward), than I'm going for it.

First of all wish me luck....and second of all (and the point of me telling you this is...) JOIN ME! Join the dark side and go for what you want! We can take a pact of recklessness together, you and I. :ninja:



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30 Sep 2017, 6:58 am

Don't tell him you like him, you're 24 not 12. If you say that he'll think you're a ret*d child.

You're both in the same venue for the same thing so it's easy to initiate conversation, if you can't do it here you can't do it anywhere. Simply ask him what he thought about whatever it was you just studied, there are lots of ways to initiate a conversation in that environment so prepare them in your head, have two or three relevant things you can talk about and see if any of the topics get a "hit".

Also remember he is there to study The Bible (I assume), not to find a date. He might have a girlfriend, a wife, he might be gay. If you talk to him and he doesn't reciprocate, he tries to cut the conversation short or doesn't seem keen to keep it going then he probably just isn't interested in you.

Don't tell him you like him though, that's sad.



ashleynd92
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30 Sep 2017, 10:20 am

Okay, thank you for that advice. He probably isn't interested.



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30 Sep 2017, 11:41 am

Why don't you organise a get-to-gether with a few people from church. Just a small group. For a pizza night or something and invite him along. From observing church people this seems to be how they get to know each other. In a group and then if they like each other, pair off.

It's better to say. "I'd like to get to know you better," than "I like you".



ashleynd92
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13 Nov 2017, 12:51 pm

I thought I would update on what happened. So I told the guy who I had a crush on, that I liked him. It took a few months for me to get the courage to do it. After I told him, he very nicely told me that he was flattered that I was so straight forward, but that he was not interested in me that way and he wants to be just friends. I wasn't upset because I knew that he was going to say. Guys that I like always tell me that. Well life goes on I guess.



kraftiekortie
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13 Nov 2017, 12:56 pm

At least you tried.....

Sorry about that. They'll be other guys.