Self improvement to attract others

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goldfish21
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21 Feb 2018, 12:25 pm

f**k yeah, CC!

I went for a 7km run in near freezing temps just before sunset yesterday. 8)

Happy Wednesday to all, hope you're making progress on whatever your goals are this week!


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RetroGamer87
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21 Feb 2018, 4:20 pm

7 KM run? How is that even possible? Walking 7 KM is easy but running?


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SteveSnow
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21 Feb 2018, 4:59 pm

That's just a result of training, people run marathons longer than that. It doesn't seem that outrageous.


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goldfish21
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21 Feb 2018, 5:50 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
7 KM run? How is that even possible? Walking 7 KM is easy but running?


Lol that’s my regular run around the neighbourhood the last few years.. sometimes I add another 2km loop, other times I’ve headed a couple blocks away and run around the dyke surrounding a blueberry farm and back for 16km.. after work. When I’m in the habit of running I’ll do the 7-9km 3-4 evenings a week. I only started running at all a few years ago, too.

I keep up with my regular 111+ push-ups per day, too. And some squats.

That’s why even in Winter-fat mode right now I’m 6’2” 202.5lbs @12.5%bf.


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Loner269
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21 Feb 2018, 9:25 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
7 KM run? How is that even possible? Walking 7 KM is easy but running?


Lol that’s my regular run around the neighbourhood the last few years.. sometimes I add another 2km loop, other times I’ve headed a couple blocks away and run around the dyke surrounding a blueberry farm and back for 16km.. after work. When I’m in the habit of running I’ll do the 7-9km 3-4 evenings a week. I only started running at all a few years ago, too.

I keep up with my regular 111+ push-ups per day, too. And some squats.

That’s why even in Winter-fat mode right now I’m 6’2” 202.5lbs @12.5%bf.


So the stereotype of gay-guys taking more care of their bodies seems to stand.



RetroGamer87
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21 Feb 2018, 10:06 pm

Us straight guys can still attract the ladies with our dad-bods :lol:


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RetroGamer87
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22 Feb 2018, 3:05 am

CannibalCorpse wrote:
I am with you guys!
Only when I took full responsibility for my life that's when things started improving, when I stopped blaming my parents, my country, the world I live in, men I met, my boss, my education.
It's all on me, I made bad decisions before.
Yes, obviously there are people who have it easy, they have support, they have their s**t together by 40 because they didn't face difficulties I did. But I never gave up to improve, to keep going and never will!

Change is going to take years, you have to accept that, there's no easy way out. Sly and Markniss can hope that a girl will miraculously appear and will love them forever but I don't think it will happen and all those years they are wasting for writing posts here, they could do something useful. Go back to the gym for example. It didn't work once? So what? Keep moving!
I started going to the gym last September and until January the scale just didn't move. At all! I started losing weight only after 5 months.

Yes, change is painful and hard and difficult but people should realise that nobody will do that for you. You have to do it yourself. It takes a lot of energy yes, but you know what. I always ask myself the question
do I want to live like this for 5 or 10 more years? If the answer is NO then I think the solution is obvious.

You have to invest time and energy in you. Nothing will change in a month.
Also I agree on the self-fulfilling prophecies. If you keep telling yourself you are worthless, people will pick up on it and they will treat you like garbage.

And I will close my ramblings with a quote from a boss I hated but he was right.
Excuses are BS!

I found this very inspiring. In some ways it sounds like my own journey. Before I could get girlfriends I had to give up my part time job and my oodles of spare time so that I could work full time and overtime, I had to practically starve myself thin, I had to stop wasting thousands of dollars on video games and Lego and I had to move out of home and take care of my own place.

All because I knew that no girl would want to date an obese manchild who lived with his mum and worked 8 hours per week and spent all of his money filling shelves with hundreds of video games and covering every available surface with Lego. I didn't blame women for not liking me as I was, I blamed myself for not being what they like.

Growing up my parents gave me very little support beyond basic housekeeping. My high school dropout mum and my absent dad weren't able to help me get into university or anything like that but like your boss said, excuses are BS!


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goldfish21
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22 Feb 2018, 5:21 am

Loner269 wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
7 KM run? How is that even possible? Walking 7 KM is easy but running?


Lol that’s my regular run around the neighbourhood the last few years.. sometimes I add another 2km loop, other times I’ve headed a couple blocks away and run around the dyke surrounding a blueberry farm and back for 16km.. after work. When I’m in the habit of running I’ll do the 7-9km 3-4 evenings a week. I only started running at all a few years ago, too.

I keep up with my regular 111+ push-ups per day, too. And some squats.

That’s why even in Winter-fat mode right now I’m 6’2” 202.5lbs @12.5%bf.


So the stereotype of gay-guys taking more care of their bodies seems to stand.


For many, but not all. Yes, there are a lot of very fit gay guys.. a higher % of gay guys vs % of fit straight guys, IMO. But there are gay guys of every body type. 6 or so years ago at my unhelathiest all around I was 6’2” 242lbs with a 38” waist. Sooo I didn’t exactly fit that stereotype at all until the last few years. Well, except for maybe when I was ~18 I was in decent shape at 185lbs.


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goldfish21
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22 Feb 2018, 5:26 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
CannibalCorpse wrote:
I am with you guys!
Only when I took full responsibility for my life that's when things started improving, when I stopped blaming my parents, my country, the world I live in, men I met, my boss, my education.
It's all on me, I made bad decisions before.
Yes, obviously there are people who have it easy, they have support, they have their s**t together by 40 because they didn't face difficulties I did. But I never gave up to improve, to keep going and never will!

Change is going to take years, you have to accept that, there's no easy way out. Sly and Markniss can hope that a girl will miraculously appear and will love them forever but I don't think it will happen and all those years they are wasting for writing posts here, they could do something useful. Go back to the gym for example. It didn't work once? So what? Keep moving!
I started going to the gym last September and until January the scale just didn't move. At all! I started losing weight only after 5 months.

Yes, change is painful and hard and difficult but people should realise that nobody will do that for you. You have to do it yourself. It takes a lot of energy yes, but you know what. I always ask myself the question
do I want to live like this for 5 or 10 more years? If the answer is NO then I think the solution is obvious.

You have to invest time and energy in you. Nothing will change in a month.
Also I agree on the self-fulfilling prophecies. If you keep telling yourself you are worthless, people will pick up on it and they will treat you like garbage.

And I will close my ramblings with a quote from a boss I hated but he was right.
Excuses are BS!

I found this very inspiring. In some ways it sounds like my own journey. Before I could get girlfriends I had to give up my part time job and my oodles of spare time so that I could work full time and overtime, I had to practically starve myself thin, I had to stop wasting thousands of dollars on video games and Lego and I had to move out of home and take care of my own place.

All because I knew that no girl would want to date an obese manchild who lived with his mum and worked 8 hours per week and spent all of his money filling shelves with hundreds of video games and covering every available surface with Lego. I didn't blame women for not liking me as I was, I blamed myself for not being what they like.

Growing up my parents gave me very little support beyond basic housekeeping. My high school dropout mum and my absent dad weren't able to help me get into university or anything like that but like your boss said, excuses are BS!


Good stuff. 8) While it’s still hard work, it’s infinitely easier to change yourself than it is to change the opinions of every woman on the planet. Way too many guys grumble about how girls aren’t attracted to them & yet do nothing to make themselves more attractive. Verrrrrry strange behaviour.


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Jackblood
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23 Feb 2018, 3:05 pm

Posts like these make wrong planet stand out from other aspie forums.

Anyways yes self-improvement does wonders. The single best thing for your mindset is to cut contact from toxic people, especially family members. You know the ones who like to give "constructive criticism" but never go out of their way to help you without expecting anything in return. The people who like to seed doubt into your mind and claim they are just "rational" or "realistic." And of course the people who dismiss or discredit your accomplishments to remind you of your "privelage" or like to "put things in perspective."



RetroGamer87
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23 Feb 2018, 5:15 pm

Are the other aspie forums really that bad?


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xxZeromancerlovexx
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23 Feb 2018, 6:05 pm

Mine haven't been physical as much as my inner self. I'm trying really hard to focus on my hobbies and making sure I do things that benefit other people's lives and mine at the same time like volunteering which I really am trying to do.

I'm trying to step out of my comfort zone and give what potential friends enjoy a chance. The outdoors are a good example (kayaking and hiking).

Appearances are equally important though. I am trying to wear clothes that I like to wear and making sure the outfit doesn't look like it was put on last minute, getting my hair done, showering regularly and putting on makeup.

I am working hard to stay within a calorie limit and making healthy choices when I go out to eat.


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kraftiekortie
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23 Feb 2018, 6:12 pm

I used to run 20 kilometers to work twice a week.

I was training for the marathons I ran.



goldfish21
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23 Feb 2018, 6:37 pm

xxZeromancerlovexx wrote:
Mine haven't been physical as much as my inner self. I'm trying really hard to focus on my hobbies and making sure I do things that benefit other people's lives and mine at the same time like volunteering which I really am trying to do.

I'm trying to step out of my comfort zone and give what potential friends enjoy a chance. The outdoors are a good example (kayaking and hiking).

Appearances are equally important though. I am trying to wear clothes that I like to wear and making sure the outfit doesn't look like it was put on last minute, getting my hair done, showering regularly and putting on makeup.

I am working hard to stay within a calorie limit and making healthy choices when I go out to eat.


Good stuff! 8) It's nice to read about others doing their own bit of self improvement work. 8)

Your post reminds me about my complete lack of caring about my attire most of the time.. my clothes are always clean, but I tend to wear them until they're in such tatters they're no good for rags. :lol: Like when I REALLY don't care they end up looking worse than many homeless people's clothes. I don't care for fashion and all that, but I do need to make more of an effort to at least where decent looking jeans and t-shirts. It's not as if I can't afford them.. I just don't care.


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goldfish21
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23 Feb 2018, 6:40 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I used to run 20 kilometers to work twice a week.

I was training for the marathons I ran.


Nice!

Get back to it, man! Even just a few K every couple weeks makes a big difference both mentally and physically.


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RetroGamer87
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23 Feb 2018, 6:54 pm

xxZeromancerlovexx wrote:
Mine haven't been physical as much as my inner self. I'm trying really hard to focus on my hobbies and making sure I do things that benefit other people's lives and mine at the same time like volunteering which I really am trying to do.

I'm trying to step out of my comfort zone and give what potential friends enjoy a chance. The outdoors are a good example (kayaking and hiking).

Appearances are equally important though. I am trying to wear clothes that I like to wear and making sure the outfit doesn't look like it was put on last minute, getting my hair done, showering regularly and putting on makeup.

I am working hard to stay within a calorie limit and making healthy choices when I go out to eat.

Hobbies are really useful. They help you build skills. Engaging in a hobby is much better than just consuming media.


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