What is the hardest thing for you when it comes to dating?

Post Reply New Topic

I've decided to write a series of guides and would like to know what is the hardest or most frustrating aspect of dating for you.

Is it meeting people (online or offline)? Is it getting a date? Do you have trouble knowing what to do on the date? Do you have issues once you get into a relationship?

Please share what you struggle with the most.

You can also share what is the easiest for you.

My wee-wee.

It is difficult for me to speak about myself because I have low self-esteem and doubt anything would be interesting.

It is difficult for me to set my limits (time spent together, frequency, share of my home space, etc.)

Last edited by LaetiBlabla on 08 Apr 2018, 10:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

Being on the actual date is really hard for me, especially depending on where that takes place. I don't do well in restaurants (of any kind - even little sandwich shops or diners), and I find that the added pressure of "not having a meltdown" will often lead to a meltdown, haha. Even though I have gotten better at dates since I've started being more comfortable stimming in public, it's hard for me to spend enough time with the person if a relationship begins. I really love my alone time and I need it to remain as "me" as possible - but I have only ever dated allistic individuals and so my desire to be alone is sometimes thought to mean I am not interested or don't care.

Being appealing enough for someone to want to date in the first place. I don't think my understanding of things is the problem. I think it's got more to do with my physical reality and just the fact that people don't see me as dating material. I think there are certain changes I could make that would increase my chances of finding a date but making those changes under the current circumstances is proving to be difficult.

You might even say that depression from long-term lack of dating success plays a big role now too. When you're rejected time and time again but never accepted, you come to expect rejection so much that you'd rather save face and not try at all than present yourself for what seems very likely to be rejection based on past experiences. Having your 'undatableness' affirmed every time you try to date is about as fun as it sounds.

For me when I was younger and I knew girls had interest in me I didn't know how to go about asking them out and I also lacked money to pay for dates.

Hello, the most difficult thing I have experienced in dating thus far is trying to schedule my day with and around someone new. I am nervous telling people that I am on the spectrum, so some of my quirks just seem like stubbornness.

Just figuring out how to get one. I don’t know how to connect to someone to get a date, although in a couple cases, I was turned down because we were too close of friends. So I don’t know that magical box that is close enough to someone to ask for a date but not close enough to get in the friendzone.

I’ve always had trouble actually asking people out. I used to shake with fear at the prospect.

I used to do better talking to people on the subway. Then we’d just go to my apartment.

This probably can’t be done these day....unless there is some liquor in the woman, or with somebody especially extroverted.

Finding compatible women. I have a very intellectual sense of humor yet I'm more attracted to women who get through life based on either their beauty, athleticism, or both

Trying to be polite when I get bombarded by messages every hour or so, I don't have the energy to sound positive and interested in everything they have to say. I would very much like someone who messaged maybe once a day or less and who I could meet maybe couple times a week, staying too much in company bores me to death very quickly too.

In other words, I'd just like an FWB and nothing deeper, nothing that would derive my from my games and other stuff I live for. Unfortunately, this option is mostly available to the most attractive alpha male guys.

I think the hardest thing with dating for me has always been getting a women to give me half a chance & actually go on a date with or enter a realtionship with me. I think a big reason for that is due to the fact I'm physically & mentally disabled instead of just having Aspergers. Lots of women want a guy who has his sh!t together in life or at least has more going for him than me. & if they don't, they find me too direct/straightforward/blunt & we have communication issues.

I think the easiest things for me with relationships are being loyal & supportive of my partner.

The hardest?

Finding mutual attraction. I've only ever been interested in a potential relationship with a handful of others. The feeling wasn't ever mutual, so, I've never been in a relationship as I'm not interested in being in one for being in one's sake. There have been many others interested in dating me, but I've declined as I simply didn't feel that sort of attraction towards them.

The other is definitely feeling like I should be in a relationship at all. As much as I have my ASD traits & depression under control, I still feel like I cannot allow myself to be a burden on someone else with the way that I am - I don't feel it's fair to them, and I hate the idea of being responsible for such a burden on someone else' life. And so, I don't seek out dates or relationships at all. Instead I'm focused on long term goals & solo pursuits that I'm much better suited for. Everything happens for a reason.. and I may just be the type of person who's supposed to keep to himself in order to become the type of person that can achieve great things academically & professionally, in service to others, instead of being distracted by other worldly things like relationships. Ditto that for being born gay, too. No kids = gay men have the time, money, and energy to change the world.

Still, it's very, very, difficult knowing that I can't connect with people. Not like NT's can.

The easiest?

Getting "dates," (nearly 100% via text/app/email communications - exploiting my strengths vs. in person socializing) and getting laid. As a decently fit (6'2" 202.5lbs at 12.5% body fat) gay white male who's educated & leads an interesting life of work, leisure, extreme sports (kiteboarding), and is kind and charitable, helpful to friends in the gay community when I can be, very giving of my time and money to worthy causes and so on, it's not difficult to hookup with nearly as many gay guys that are my type that I want to within a 100 mile radius of gay friendly Vancouver. Hell, even if they don't know anything about me besides what I look like in a photo it's usually incredibly easy. In part because I have a nice dick. And I certainly receive a lot of invitations for FWB type arrangements.. because practice makes perfect and I've quite literally been told "You're good at what you do.." by starry eyed young gay boys who've probably never had a better massage (and.. other things) in their lives.

Feel free to PM if you'd like me to elaborate on anything.

I never even noticed people were interested in my because I never paid attention to others--this happened in my late twenties. I think the hardest thing would be adjusting to what other people want, expect, and need from me in order to maintain an equal relationship with each other. Sometimes I need space. Lots of it. This can be perceived as rejection. It's complicated.

Meeting people/getting a date. Women won’t talk to me anymore.

The biggest issue I had was the phoniness of it all. Without fail, I would go on a first date, the girl would mention how she is straightforward, hates people who ghost and without fail would just ignore me out of nowhere. Out of the 30 of so women I dated I only had two who rejected me with any sort of class and both were older than me.

There's also the fact that, like my wife don't have that ability to "WOW" anyone and it can take time to really get to know me. In an age with 30 second attention spans guys like me tend to get left behind a lot in favor of the 'bad boys'. It was initially a struggle to even get a date but as I gained experience I found I was getting too many dates with what I now see are poor quality matches. I learned the hard way that if they are online, there is usually a VERY good reason they are single.