How common are female aspies who haven't dated yet?

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Whatever, most asexual Aspie women I've met (yeah, it's not a lot in total) are childlike and they say so themselves. At 18 one said she feels like a 12 year old and the other said at age 20 that she stopped aging at 7. Feeling like a child may be correlated to not wanting to have sex.
As for disliking typical courtship and sexual behavior of NTs, that may depend on what you mean by typical courtship and sexual behavior of NTs. They're not all the same either. If you mean bars and sex on the first date. Sure not everyone is comfortable with that or has any interest in doing that. If you mean eventually actually interacting with the other person instead of staring at them, daydreaming and fantasizing about some made up connection, then I just haven't met many people who would rather take the second than the first option and none who does it to the extent you do.

The strongest connection is with disliking sexual intercourse, while there is no relation to any other type of sex, including masturbation. In fact, an ND can be both asexual and hypersexual and can move between these. I know since I'm one of those that identifies as both asexual and hypersexual.



There is a reason why this is part of neurodiversity, and the reason is that this is the natural way to build a connection. So, people are not fantasizing about a made up connection, they are actually building it. A connection that cannot be built if you date or talk to each other regularly. And the connection takes a few years to build, which is why NDs tend to like longer courtships. It all makes sense, and the end result is a connection that is superior to anything that NTs can achieve.

Same boat. I've had plenty of experience too, but as time passes, I feel less inclined to commit. I love the idea of it eventually, but it's difficult to find someone who doesn't want to lay claim, and control. In that sense, I'm jaded, but still open and hopeful.

I would imagine that if you found someone with no experience by 30, you're going to encounter other forms of being jaded towards the general notion of dating, the feeling of rejection, or some other road block to connection. All valid, and not a reason to avoid them, but no one goes through life untouched. Just find the girl with the battle scars that match your own

I wonder. I could be one that already dated, I guess. Although I consider myself immature.

My first date was when I was 18. A guy in my class asked me to a date and to go with him to prom afterwards so i agreed. Date was shopping together. Prom was... lets just say I pretty much ignored him and spent the night playing RPG games with my friends.
Does it count?

Next time I dated a female friend - but those were dates only in my own mind. For her those were just friendly meetings even if I paid for her and touched her. I guess she was just clueless. After 2 years, at age 22 I confessed and she said she loves me like a sister, no more than that. It hurt but we are still friends even now. It took me years to stop loving her.

During that time a male friend liked me but I was just as clueless as my crush was - I only realized when he asked me if I want to have sex with him when we were both drunk. I said "No" and we never seen each other since then. I guess he was my friend just for that reason.

At 23 I got into a long distance relationship with a guy I met in a MMORPG game. We hanged out in the game, chatted and even did some cybersex but we never met and never made it clear we are dating (although our in game characters become a husband and wife, because he bought the required items and gave one to me). We broke up because he was too emotional and tried to control me - texting me at 4AM trying to force me to watch some yt video was too much.

Right after breaking up I created an online dating account and soon started dating another guy, this time in real life. It didn't work out - when we hugged I felt as if I was hugging a brother or a tree so there was no chemistry at all. But we become friends and he tried to make me date him a few times. Eventually I started a fwb relationship with him because I wanted some experience. Still no actual sex but both of us learned a lot about intimacy and opposite sex during that time. It made me ready for actual dating.

Now I am kinda dating an aspie guy that I am crazy about(sexually). The feeling is even stronger than with the girl before and I kinda know what to do now so it's closest to actual dating than anything in my life so far. But it also shows how immature I am. Well, not just me. He is younger than me, less experienced and probably even less mature (but somehow also more mature, maturity is subjective). We are like two kids playing (travelling around the city, eating sweets, playing games, playing with mobile phones, looking at animals, playing in the playgrounds, watching cartoons) till they get too tired to function. And then... sleeping together. LITERALLY. Yup - no progress so far. Or rather we are progressing really slowly because he can't read body language and I happen to go nonverbal when under emotion overload (which happens a lot when I am with him because I like him so much, lol).

I may be the sexual type but I don't think being like a kid means you don't have to want to have sex.

I remember masturbating with a female peer when I were 5 and letting a 16yo boy touch me when I were 10 out of curiosity (although it didn't feel nice, I don't remember why though - the memory is unclear, I can only guess it was either a traumatizing or really boring experience - I only remember what happened before and after it, no during). I was also often playing naked with my younger friends till I was 12 or so. Only when puberty hit me I realized those activities are "wrong" and stopped doing it. I consider my pre-puberty approach to sexuality as something pure. Without the rules and dirty/forbidden aura.

As soon as I hit 18 and got "the right" to have sex I started to think about it again - but the social rules you need to follow to get some keep me a virgin. I agreed to date the guy at 18 not because I liked him but because I wanted to try some sex - but we didn't even kiss in the end because I didn't know how to mention it and where to do it. I realized I love the female friend because I found myself about thinking about having sex with her. The way my long distance relationship differed from normal friends was also the cybersex, which I initiated due to boredom with his small talk. I already mentioned my fwb relationship too. And how I feel about my current date.
And I still consider my approach pretty pure, childlike. Society considers sex as something dirty/forbidden/adult/whore like but for me it's natural, as long as you are comfortable with the partner which doesn't consider it dirty either (the reason why I don't mention that relationship with me means sex or else it is merely friendship is because I don't want to be thought as easy/whore and some people tend to think so when a girl dares to show any interest/initiate). Although the way I see relationships changed recently - I do want to have sex with the aspie I am "dating" now but I realize I would actually be pretty fine if it never happened (there is a chance he might be asexual) as long as he still hugs me and lets me sleep by his side.

Therefore the "typical courtship and sexual behavior of NTs" might really be the case why so many ND girls consider themselves as asexual. I am pretty immune to it due to not giving a damn about social rules as a child (I could easily fall in the trap before puberty if anybody raised me right, but I was mostly just left alone as long as I didn't cause any trouble, my parents were busy working so I was a latchkey kid with no caregiver or guidance) but I could easily find myself uncomfortable with the idea of sex if they hammered the "sex is dirty/forbidden/adult/whore like" in me early on.

Sensory issues also play a role but I think they can be conquered with the right partner and approach. There are things I don't like too (such as deep kisses - I never had a chance to try it with someone I actually like though so it might be just a compatibility issue) - and even more which I didn't like when I were younger. Before I was 20 I was actually punching any guy who dared to casually touch me without asking first. A male friend cured me off it by getting physical whenever he had a chance till I started to actually like it.

Negatively stereotyping and devaluing women your age: Check.



Desperately distancing yourself from the reality that you are not a teenager: Check

Listen, with that type of mentality you are probably going to remain single, because whether or not you feel your age, the fact of the matter is, the women most likely to be open dating you are the women in your age group.



The idea of being childlike and romantic relationships don't really go together...or at least they shouldn't, so maybe you should rethink your position or terminology.

Being teenaged like is a little different. What exactly are you thinking of? Teenaged relationships are usually intense, chaotic, dramatic, and short lived. People date for a few weeks or months, think they want to elope, and then break up shortly thereafter and act like it's the end of the world. Is that the type of relationship you want?

Or do you want the Romeo and Juliet thing but with a happy fairly tale ending? Most women never grow out of a desire for romance and happy fairly tale endings.

You're not a teenager, you are a 33 year old man, and that's actually a good thing because even though you are inexperienced at dating, your brain is (hopefully) more developed, you are (hopefully) more rationally and less impulsive, and that means you are more capable of a happy, stable relationship, and most women you age do want a happy, fun, romantic, loving, thrilling, passionate, stable relationship.

I think they do if childlike means playing hide-and-seek games, walking side-by-side without seeing each other or similar. I find that very romantic.

Oh dear..

I don't think that's child like. I think that is just playful. Any time sex is a part of a relationship or there is the possibility of sex, it is not child like, and there are a lot of men out there who need to understand that. The ones who don't end up on "To Catch A Predator" because they fail to realize they are grown men who actually do have the psyche of a grown man, and not kids.

Unless the OP wants a strictly platonic relationship, he actually does want an adult relationship. He just wants to have that relationship with a woman who is fun and "free spirited".

It is, but it is things children like to do, and so people might attribute it to being child like.



Problems is, I don't think I have a psyche of a typical grown man. I don't have the psyche of a child either, but my preferences are vastly different from those of the typical grown NT man. Therefore, I'm not sure if using the "grown man" term (which relates to NTs) is usable when discussing my (and certainly other NDs too) preferences. For one thing, I don't regard sex as a bonding mechanism.

Me. I'm always in false starts and never manage to progress beyond hmm I think we kind of like each other... Oh ok he's going out with someone else now.

Not for me it's not. It just hurts more every time I have to go through it. It always ends up he wasn't interested at all.

I'm in that phase now and I'm confused and when I've been confused before I've always given the benefit of the doubt and it always turns out he wasn't interested and was a fool for hoping.

I'd love to know for sure just once that someone likes me and wants to be with me

Sorry I've been doing other things and only now gotten around to replying--there have been some god comments.

That would be great--though in my case "matching battle scars" would mean being friendless until mid-teens, and not having an interpersonal world that extended outside the family unit for that time, and then having another issue come up around the mid-teens that extended social isolation into early adulthood. And that initial friendlessness would most likely be voluntary, as it was for me. I had no essentially no motivation to interact with anyone other than my parents until partway through high school--the only motivation I had to interact with anybody was that I found girls cute from about age 4 to age 7, and wanted to touch them (they were uninterested). I imagine it would be a different story to be friendless until the teen years because all the other kids were mean all the time.

The closest I have found to someone with my same "battle scars" in this sense are people who were homeschooled--but even then, they usually had social interactions outside their family, just with other homeschooled kids. Plus, most of those realize somewhere in their teens--and at the latest in college--that they are unusual, and quickly escape those "bubbles". Whereas I developed a chronic illness halfway through high school, so just as I was starting to come out of the childhood "bubble", I was thrown into a new one, namely that of seeing doctors that basically nobody my age had even heard of.



As I said, I was the exact opposite. I was in many ways an "overprotected" kid, growing up in a wealthy suburban area and going to private school. All my interests were things I could do sitting alone in my room, so I had no reason to leave my parents' house except to go to school or the grocery store or whatever.



See, these are the sort of experiences I'm looking to make up now. A big part of my sexuality is still in the "you show me yours" stage. While I didn't specifically think to want things like seeing or touching private parts when I was in elementary school, had I ever actually had any social interaction with a girl my age at the time and seen her naked, there's a good chance I would have gotten curious and done some experimentation. The only way I even knew that boys and girls had different bodies was by reading anatomy books, again alone in my room. That and once or twice seeing my mom naked, which is very different because it was by accident and it doesn't lead to exploration the same way it might with a peer.

It was weird this time when I was in my late 20s driving around with some guys I'd met in town and we happened to pick up the sister of one of my elementary school classmates. While in the car, she said she thought hers was the first vagina one of my other classmates had seen, way back in elementary school. I didn't see a vagina of a peer in person before well after I graduated college, and in the cases I've seen one so far, it wasn't one of a girl I had any interest in whatsoever except that it was a girl who happened to be willing to show me (most of them were other aspies, but not the ones I've had crushes on). That replaced one concern (that I'd get to age X without ever seeing a vagina in person) with another (that I'd never see one of a girl I actually had any kind of feelings for).



This actually gives me hope that there could be an aspie girl out there who never played "you show me yours" games as a child, who is very curious about the male body but doesn't know how to ask the male friends of hers she thinks are cute to show her. Sometimes I think it's so easy for girls, if they have any interest in exploring what a male friend's body looks like they only have to just ask and he is sure to show her--so sometimes it feels hopeless that there are girls out there with the same unfulfilled curiosity I have about girls. But your comments suggest that it isn't that easy for girls as it may seem. While you were social enough as a child to explore everything except actual sex (it seems), your comments suggest that a girl who never had male friends as a child and is autistic may not be able to make up that lack of early interaction with boys so easily.



I couldn't have said it better myself.

I'm... Can i just point out that 16 year olds should not be touching 10 year olds inappropriately. I don't want Kiriae to feel bad. That was in the past. I had other kids touch me inappropriately too. No one told these kids it was wrong and they should leave other kids privates alone. I told my Mum who told my teacher and it stopped.

I'm adding this for readers to know that there is a line. You can't go to school and touch other kids like that.

In the UK the are of consent is 16 so this would be a case of an adult touching a minor and would be a very serious issue.

Yes I was thinking the same, a 16 is sexually mature, while a 10 is just a child; he is a pedo.

I was very mature in my view of relationships and always moved them on quickly too. Ive only been single for about 6 months since I began 'dating' even though I wouldnt say Ive ever dated in the usual manner. I guess the speed coincides with emotion for me as I would be overwhelmed by the feelings at the start of relationships and that great time where you are enthralled with one and other. I'm very impulsive though so that didnt help.

But since getting older I have realised that the relationship I had with my late husband was the only one that really had a chance of being right. We started out together and built up everything from scratch. Even though he was very childlike and avoidant of things, eg he was 33 and didnt have a bank account, didnt drive, didnt care about clothes so his mum bought him them when they were hanging off him lol.. (He was an aspie btw) I just will never feel the same kind of bond with anyone that I felt with him. Its a case of battle scars for me now are way too deep and why would I want to match them to someone elses when they are too sh***y to get my own head around, never mind take on all the stuff thats tied up in another persons. Also if you base a familiarity on battle scars then they will be all you talk about, I learnt that from befriending a woman on a DV course and shes still there 2yrs on wanting to b***h about her abusive ex, while Ive moved on so thats not helpful to a good friendship or healing from the experience.

I still think Im childlike though, and intend to now embrace it because I know no one cares. Despite my life Id love nothing more than to spend an afternoon throwing myself around a BMX track. If thats a problem I dont care as its just how I find fun, the fact thats not changed since I was 8 shouldnt matter, the real problem is that I let being a 'respectable adult' take that away from me.

Ok I was trying to be a bit more delicate than that. Remember Kiriae has opened up about her experience and I don't want her feeling like we are judging her. It's a delicate situation.

Kiriae we are uhappy with the 16 year old's behaviour, not yours. He should have known better. It's not your fault.