Living with parents kind of puts the kibosh on dating?

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Kiprobalhato
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19 Jul 2018, 4:13 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
When I started living on my own in 1981, I had to pay $300 in rent. I made about $800 a month net. That's 37.5% of my income spent on housing.

A house loan? No way! I didn't have enough income for one in those days.


rent is about 2000 a month here for a larger apartment.


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19 Jul 2018, 4:17 pm

My father didn't mind me dating when I was an adult living with him (even if he didn't always get along with the woman I was dating). In fact my parents were just happy I had a girl friend. What makes my situation unique though is that my father discouraged me from becoming independent. When I was asked to work more hours at my part time job he threw a fit.

At anyrate I ended up living with my father until he died. I inherited his house and got married to the woman I was dating. I intend to copy my father's model, with my son though I won't throw a fit if he gets a full time job.



Last edited by Arevelion on 19 Jul 2018, 4:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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19 Jul 2018, 4:17 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
I see people living with one or both parents wanting a girlfriend/boyfriend, pretty often on here.

To me, that would be something of a deal-breaker. Do you agree?


Are you even autistic Bea? Inquiring minds want to know.


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19 Jul 2018, 4:28 pm

Like other posters have said, rent is ridiculous these days and many jobs don't pay much and it's a miracle if they offer benefits. Interest rates on mortgages are ridiculous too. Most college degrees are useless and extremely expensive. Cars and car insurance are insanely expensive. Where I live, working AC and windshield wipers are a must. Getting roommates is hard when you don't have friends.



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19 Jul 2018, 4:29 pm

The economic situation facing the millennials cannot be compared to that experienced by previous generations. I left my job in my early 40s because of stress and other factors, and have never worked full-time since. Nonetheless I was fortunate enough to buy a house in the North of England for £19,000 in 1988, and (believe it or not) a flat in London for £35,000 in 1998. That flat would cost a prospective buyer around £250,000 today, and it wasn't even a proper one bedroom flat (a 'studio' flat, in fact).

If I'd been born two decades later, I could easily have been homeless by now, and certainly would never have been able to acquire those properties.

The politicians and central bankers who have created the conditions for this to happen have a lot to answer for, though to be fair there are other factors involved as well.


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HistoryGal
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19 Jul 2018, 4:57 pm

If someone wants to think less of autistic young adults for living at home.....her right although I don't agree with her. She may not have meant it to come across as such.....let's not assume anything.



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19 Jul 2018, 5:08 pm

To angel i had the misfortune of living in the south for an extended period and if yall still want to be the csa im for that im sick of your nasty little region screwing up my country


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19 Jul 2018, 5:12 pm

I think women may find it as more of a deal breaker than men due to the cultural & social standards with dating. Men still tend to be expected to be more of the providers with relationships & that includes housing.
It was never a deal breaker with me thou. I was still living with my parents due to disabilities & it would of been hypocritical of me not to be willing to date a woman in the same situation. Plus I tended to find disabled people more relatable & thought they'd be more willing to give me a chance. My parents got so sick of me living with them that they actually bought me a house without letting me have any input at all & if dad would of actually got around to fixing it up & I had moved, I would of looked for a woman who needed a place to stay for whatever reason cuz I HATE the idea of living & sleeping alone & a woman who needed a place might would be more willing to give me half a chance with a relationship.


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19 Jul 2018, 7:10 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
AngelRho, wth? A one carat diamond? Are you encouraging your daughter to be a gold digger? I'm hoping you are only kidding. People get so crazy about their daughters. I have a son and would not want him with a money grabber....his gf is special. Love her to death and I will help them anyway I can....

I think you missed my point. It’s not about the money. It’s about his level of freedom and ability to provide. I’m constantly broke. Never have had much money. It’s not the standard my daughter would hold a man to. It’s the standard I hold myself to. If he can meet or exceed what I’m capable of doing, and if he’s willing to go the distance, I’ll know he loves her and will care for her for the long haul.

Seriously, I went hungry for a few months watching every penny, paid the ring off as quick as I could, saved money to hire a string quartet for the wedding, wrote all the pre-ceremony music plus the arrangements for the ceremony itself, and put together a nice but relatively inexpensive honeymoon at the Biltmore Estate. Which, if you know the Biltmore, you know it ain’t cheap. But I planned, put money back, and started all over as soon as that was done. We bought a house soon after we got married and had our first baby.

Again, it’s not about how much money you have or make. It’s about planning, being smart, and responsibility. And I’ll even take it a step further and say he won’t make the stupid mistakes I made.

Besides all that, I hold to the belief that marriage is more than just two people. It’s a union of two families. We only associate with certain kinds of people IRL who share our values and would be just as supportive of her family as we would be. It’s cultivating relationships not just between a boy and a girl but between two families who also enjoy each others’ company that matters. There will be no “crazy mother in law” issues because ALL of us will be on the same page.

Granted, there is only so much control I have over that. But I absolutely cannot support her decision if she insists on marrying, say, a known self-destructive drug addict who comes from a long line of meth makers. If she just wants to get away from me and rebel, then that’s her prerogative. But those are the kinds of things that affect the ENTIRE family, and neither I nor anyone else can rescue her from that. It’s bad enough to lose someone to that. I refuse to let anyone get sucked into those situations and get hurt even more.

And lastly, there’s never a need to assume the worst. Our relationship right now is positive and fun. Not sure I like our conversations as of late, but little girls grow up. I have faith that she’ll meet the right guy AT THE RIGHT TIME. When she’s 30. :lol: And everything will work out just fine!



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19 Jul 2018, 7:36 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
By the way, ...

I'd make it my top priority to get an education by my own means, no matter how painful, and grow into the strong, independent woman my father would have never allowed me to be. I'd be proud to be noöne's property but my own and fully in charge of what I do or do not with my own body. Hell, I'd do it even if I had my real parents.

YES!! ! THIS!! ! 100% this is EXACTLY what I’m talking about. You take charge. Make your own breaks. ABSOLUTELY! I’m thrilled someone actually gets it.

If any of my children have the freedom to go out and do what needs to be done, THEY DO NOT NEED ME OR MY APPROVAL.

Morally I cannot stick my head in the sand and tacitly approve if they make decisions I cannot support. But if they don’t need me, then what does it really matter what I say, anyway?

Look...the best ANY parent can do is attempt to pass their values on to their children. If my daughter wants to marry into a family we know and love, I don’t care which organ I have to sell to buy her dream dress and give her a wedding to be proud of. I cannot in good conscience do that if the bf is an abuser from a family full of @$$holes. And he won’t be welcome here at my house. And I’m not going to waste the best we have to offer on some loser who’s going to cheat or even dump her first chance he gets and stick us with ugly divorce proceedings. I’m not paying for her lawyer. I’m not bailing her out of jail. I MAY visit in the hospital after he breaks her neck or something and she’s barely hanging on.

But what we HOPE for is that we raised her to know better than that and have more respect for us and honor us better than by getting into a pattern of self-destruction.

Education is a racket, just so you know. It’s a system of indoctrination that enslaves those who are brainwashed into thinking they can’t live without it. Neither of us have the money to make payments. We submit our documentation every year for our free pass. If nothing changes, my loans will be forgiven in about 15 years. Taxes will suck that year, but we’ll manage like we always do. Based on our experiences, we are not putting much emphasis on college.

Right now the girl wants to go into early childhood development and work in schools. So we encourage her to learn as much as she can NOW so she has a shot at a free ride, maybe even come back as a teaching assistant right out of high school while she works and takes classes. We absolutely WILL NOT co-sign any educational loans. If we can pay for it, we will. If she can pay for it, awesome. But we will NOT support any of our children enslaving themselves for a piece of paper that might not even be worth what someone tries to convince them it is.

Freedom is good. I have no problem with that.



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19 Jul 2018, 7:56 pm

Well AngelRho, I guess I took the one carat ring literally. But do keep in my mind that for every man who thinks their daughter hung the moon, there is a corresponding woman who thinks that of her son.

We have to let our kids make their own decisions. It's doubtful your daughter will end up with a meth addict. Look how you are a together person.

P.S. Instructional Assistants aren't necessarily warm up positions to be teachers. Those types aren't often worth s**t as all they are doing is looking who to kiss up to for the next opportunity while giving their job a lick and a promise.



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19 Jul 2018, 7:59 pm

Nothing wrong with the South....don't be hating on it.



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19 Jul 2018, 8:01 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
Well AngelRho, I guess I took the one carat ring literally. But do keep in my mind that for every man who thinks their daughter hung the moon, there is a corresponding woman who thinks that of her son...
Heh. I'm reminded of an old saying that goes something like:

"No matter how highly you think of someone, there will always be someone else who is sick of their s***."

:lol:


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Last edited by Fnord on 19 Jul 2018, 8:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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19 Jul 2018, 8:16 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
Nothing wrong with the South....don't be hating on it.


There's nothing wrong with the South, it's those Southerners you have to watch out for.




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19 Jul 2018, 8:36 pm

You tend to be sick of the s**t of those above you. S**t, like everything else subject to gravity and denser than the medium, falls downwards.

EDIT – Oh, man, I have to replace the letters with splats myself so it'll let me capitalize the first word in the sentence.


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19 Jul 2018, 9:19 pm

Southerners are the best!