Men Like a Mystery....Some Anyway

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I never played into that when I was single. All this play hard to get BS seemed pointless. However inadvertently I did the mystery thing by just getting overwhelmed in dating situations. I'd hide for awhile or be squeamish about touch. The guys all thought this a coquettish act.....I was terrified of dates and any affection. Last guy I was with told me he didn't like those types of games. He understood that I didn't want physical intimacy without some sort of relationship and only when I felt ready to commit. There was no drama in our relationship.

You guys out there prefer mystery or do you prefer not having to guess when dating?

I'm not into mystery myself.

My wife cursed me out yesterday----and it's a mystery why.

She luvs ya, Kraftie.....somehow she keeps it interesting. I'd be crazy if I had to guess around in my current relationship....

If you do enjoy a mystery, I recommend the book The Killer Inside Me by Jim Thompson.

More crime novel than mystery. Nevermind.

I like Mr. E. Is he married or unmarried? We don't know. He won't reveal his last name. Perhaps it's Enigma.

Not in my experience.

They seem to think that I'm not interested and not worth pursuing.

In reality I'm just shy and awkward and not good at expressing myself.

If you don't look interested, for all they know, pursuing you would be harassment, so you can't blame them.

Yep. That's my point. Playing hard to get doesn't work.

You have to know what you are doing. Mostly an NT thing.....

If you want something, tell me what it is.

If you feel a certain way, tell me how you feel.

If you're not happy or not feeling well, tell me why.

If you're daydreaming about us doing a certain activity together because you think it'd be romantic, tell me what that daydream is.

All of the above I would consider to be communication.

If you're upset about something I've said or I've done, even if you're not ready to tell me in the moment and you have to stew for awhile, tell me what was wrong at some point. I will barely ever figure it out on my own.

I could go on, but I don't and won't try to read minds. I won't try to "guess your thoughts" nor will I try to interpret the subtleties that may be your non-verbal cues to your emotions.

If you don't tell me how you feel I don't know how you feel. I could guess, but I'd be wrong most of the time. If you don't tell me something's wrong, I'll assume everything is fine with you. Also, if for some reason you believe I should have to figure out what you're thinking or feeling and if I don't get it right, I've failed in some way......that's plain wrong and unfair. If you expect me to read your mind and I don't read it correctly and then you're upset with me, then I'm really nothing more than a plaything to you, wouldn't you say?

Therefore........mysterious game playing I have no tolerance for. Thankfully my wife has never been a serious game player and she knows for the most part that she needs to be direct with me.

This was always my assumption, back when I was single, especially after some of my co-workers were reprimanded for harassment. I guess they assumed that the lack of interest shown my the women they were interested in was just some form of playing hard to get.

What it got them instead was a whole lot of trouble.

That's very logical, but I feel like I'm being obvious. But apparently, according to my sister, I'm not. But I don't know how to be more obvious without making a fool of myself.

I did something obvious the other day and it was rebuffed. I can't win.

Okay ... I'm gonna give you a suggestion, and I hope that no one hates me for it, but here goes...

Can you fake tears? I mean, can you make your eyes water at will? Can you at least put on a bit of an act with some incoherent sobbing and a squeaky voice while you try to apologize for "acting like a fool the other day"? Even (some of) us cold-hearted Aspie guys will fall for it -- the old "Water Works" trick is effective (almost) every time. No one likes to see a crying or weeping woman. It's really touching because she can appear to be so weak and defenseless. There’s only one way to stop a woman from crying: he gives her what she wants. In your case, it's attention.

Yeah ... prime cut manipulation ... nobody likes it, yet everybody does it.

I couldn’t succeed at something like that if I wanted to. I almost never cry.

No. That's worse than what I did!! I was just a little over affectionate.

Woah. I'll just text him and invite him out again and see if he says yes. He can only say no.