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How do stop fixating on someone or something?

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cato4797
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02 Aug 2018, 2:56 pm

How do i stop fixating on someone - in this case someone who rejected me? Trying not to be awkward. Don't even have feelings that are that strong.

Just want to go back to being friends, and want to shift my focus. Also important since I can use advice like this in the future lol



Kiprobalhato
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02 Aug 2018, 3:02 pm

remind yourself often of all the bad things he or she may have said to you, or how they made you feel. do this especially when you find yourself in a moment of idealization or particularly strong fixation. meet new people. try to avoid things that remind you of him or her.


any more details?


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cato4797
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02 Aug 2018, 4:42 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:
remind yourself often of all the bad things he or she may have said to you, or how they made you feel. do this especially when you find yourself in a moment of idealization or particularly strong fixation. meet new people. try to avoid things that remind you of him or her.


any more details?

Went out a couple times with a casual friend about a month ago. Mutually decided there was no chemistry. Enough to be friends but not an emotional connection. I kept fixating on it afterwards, and after hanging out with her one on one i psyched myself into thinking i either liked her or that i was doing things because maybe somewhere inside i liked/wanted to like her. Then i told her. Agreed to be friends still, but its just awkward you know? Need to stop fixating on it



BeaArthur
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02 Aug 2018, 9:44 pm

Fixate on something/someone else. It will replace the person you are obsessing over.


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Pjscrab
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10 Aug 2018, 2:01 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
Fixate on something/someone else. It will replace the person you are obsessing over.



Yeah do this. It works haha.


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goldfish21
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12 Aug 2018, 11:30 am

Good advice in here so far.

Usually it’s not cool to focus on people’s flaws, but like reminding yourself of bad things they said to you, remind yourself of every flaw they have that you overlooked during your obsessive crush. It helps to remind yourself that that person is far from the perfection you viewed them as.

Or wait until a new person of interest replaces them in your mind. Or force yourself to replace thought of them with thoughts of a loved one (not a crush) & remind yourself that those connections you have with other people in your life are stronger, better, and more valuable than any crush.

Or just wait.. Time will eventually take care of this situation, as Time heals all. This thread reminds me how little I now think about the last person I thought a lot about. (Or the ones before them.) So, IMO, this holds true.


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cato4797
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20 Aug 2018, 10:33 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Good advice in here so far.

Usually it’s not cool to focus on people’s flaws, but like reminding yourself of bad things they said to you, remind yourself of every flaw they have that you overlooked during your obsessive crush. It helps to remind yourself that that person is far from the perfection you viewed them as.

Or wait until a new person of interest replaces them in your mind. Or force yourself to replace thought of them with thoughts of a loved one (not a crush) & remind yourself that those connections you have with other people in your life are stronger, better, and more valuable than any crush.

Or just wait.. Time will eventually take care of this situation, as Time heals all. This thread reminds me how little I now think about the last person I thought a lot about. (Or the ones before them.) So, IMO, this holds true.



I just can't stop perseverating over this, and it's making me embarrassed and awkward, and I've ruined every chance at would could have been a potentially good friendship. I feel so ... impaired, by the whole situation



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20 Aug 2018, 11:05 pm

there's more than one fish in the sea, and NONE of them deserve the pedestal, at least none in THIS world.



cato4797
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20 Aug 2018, 11:20 pm

auntblabby wrote:
there's more than one fish in the sea, and NONE of them deserve the pedestal, at least none in THIS world.


i know. i agree completely. i just cant stop fixating.



auntblabby
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20 Aug 2018, 11:27 pm

cato4797 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
there's more than one fish in the sea, and NONE of them deserve the pedestal, at least none in THIS world.


i know. i agree completely. i just cant stop fixating.

then consider actively searching for one or more that are even BETTER. better is the enemy of good. :idea:



goldfish21
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21 Aug 2018, 1:41 am

cato4797 wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Good advice in here so far.

Usually it’s not cool to focus on people’s flaws, but like reminding yourself of bad things they said to you, remind yourself of every flaw they have that you overlooked during your obsessive crush. It helps to remind yourself that that person is far from the perfection you viewed them as.

Or wait until a new person of interest replaces them in your mind. Or force yourself to replace thought of them with thoughts of a loved one (not a crush) & remind yourself that those connections you have with other people in your life are stronger, better, and more valuable than any crush.

Or just wait.. Time will eventually take care of this situation, as Time heals all. This thread reminds me how little I now think about the last person I thought a lot about. (Or the ones before them.) So, IMO, this holds true.



I just can't stop perseverating over this, and it's making me embarrassed and awkward, and I've ruined every chance at would could have been a potentially good friendship. I feel so ... impaired, by the whole situation


Been there, done that.. and guess what? Life goes on.


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rdos
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21 Aug 2018, 3:46 am

cato4797 wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Good advice in here so far.

Usually it’s not cool to focus on people’s flaws, but like reminding yourself of bad things they said to you, remind yourself of every flaw they have that you overlooked during your obsessive crush. It helps to remind yourself that that person is far from the perfection you viewed them as.

Or wait until a new person of interest replaces them in your mind. Or force yourself to replace thought of them with thoughts of a loved one (not a crush) & remind yourself that those connections you have with other people in your life are stronger, better, and more valuable than any crush.

Or just wait.. Time will eventually take care of this situation, as Time heals all. This thread reminds me how little I now think about the last person I thought a lot about. (Or the ones before them.) So, IMO, this holds true.



I just can't stop perseverating over this, and it's making me embarrassed and awkward, and I've ruined every chance at would could have been a potentially good friendship. I feel so ... impaired, by the whole situation


When the feelings are not mutual, you cannot be friends or have any contact at all as long as you have a crush. Won't work. Once you have come over the feelings you can return to being friends if that's an option at that time.



gushingwind
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24 Aug 2018, 3:23 pm

do you work together/go to school together/some other scenario where you can't avoid each other? if not, i find i can't stop fixating on someone unless i ghost them. how hard you have to ghost depends on how attached you are. you can try unfollowing on fb, but you'll probably still profile stalk and thus have to either delete or block. but if you work together you can only unfollow without creating tension



cato4797
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25 Aug 2018, 2:27 pm

gushingwind wrote:
do you work together/go to school together/some other scenario where you can't avoid each other? if not, i find i can't stop fixating on someone unless i ghost them. how hard you have to ghost depends on how attached you are. you can try unfollowing on fb, but you'll probably still profile stalk and thus have to either delete or block. but if you work together you can only unfollow without creating tension


Yeah I did those things and it 100% made it worse. However I stopped taking my antidepressants and annoyingly now I'm fine. Annoying because when i went out with this person I started taking them to avoid this kind of situation, and this time i think they were part of why it happened in the first place.