Lady at work keeps interrogating me 0.o

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What's up with all this debate about if a guy can be friends with a girl he's attracted to? Some of my friends are attractive but I don't let that interfere with our friendship. If I had a rule like, don't be friends with attractive girls I'd have a few less friends now.

All this talk about how can you control your thoughts and sexual urges, etc, can't you guys get your minds out of the gutter? It's possible to notice that someone is attractive without thinking constantly about having sex with someone.

Of course there's something a guy can do. Remember that the biggest sexual organ is the brain. If you see someone who's attractive and you don't want to give them a standing ovation just allow yourself to get mentally turned on but not physically turned on. You can appreciate their sex appeal in your mind without letting it get to your body.

I wouldn’t call someone who freaks out because you have an erection a friend. That’s what I was trying to get at: I strongly suspect women don’t always freak out when they notice a man who isn’t in a committed relationship with them is sexually attracted to them, but, of course, you’d get the opposite impression from threads like this. I’m pretty sure it’s possible for them to reach a level of trust enough to just laugh it off in a friendly way (not in a “Ha, ha, pathetic loser, looks like your doodle thinks it has a chance to release its wretched load of sperm full of weak genes into my divinely sweet vagina—the poor thing is in for a big disappointment!” way), and even to accept some physical contact they actually enjoy without fearing you’ll try to force them into things they’re not okay with.

I’ve found that masturbating often, and particularly having done it before heading to the place where erections are a problem, helps a lot to prevent them. When I do get an untimely erection, I usually remember, “See? I shouldn’t have left my room so hastily, without taking the time to masturbate first”. Why make convoluted and necessarily imperfect attempts to suppress “temptation” when you can fall into it already and be done with it?

Also, I’m not sure this is so far off a woman’s “area of expertise”. After all, they can masturbate, too—though they’re, on average, much likelier to have a willing sexual partner instead—and also get erections, even if you can’t see them from the outside.

I'm not siding with them because they're women, I'm siding with them because I know enough about you to know you have a distorted view of people and relationships. Therefore, I find it hard not to be skeptical whenever you go on about how everyone is mean and hates you.

Masturbation is an excellent cure, indeed.

And it costs you nothing...there are not even any cleaning bills.

You definitely have a point there.

I have a proposal for you: you answer the questions I asked you here, before someone I won’t name seized the chance to completely misrepresent my point and make me look like a child molester, and then I answer questions from you. Deal?

Although you quoted AnneOleson’s post, I guess that goes for me, because it doesn’t make much sense addressed to her. I think I’ve already told you with your current nickname (and probably with others in the past, but that’s a different story) that I’m not interested in discussing anything with you anymore. The game of wasting my time trying uselessly to defend myself from someone who systematically ignores my point and twists everything I say to make it look like a misogynistic diatribe gets old really fast. Please leave me alone.

sly, just go with the flow.

It is very likely that she is just being friendly and feeling alone, she may want to make new friends with her new workmates.

Don’t put expectations or hope for anything, just be friendly with her too and hang out with her if she invites you.

It seems Cloudflare’s infinite captcha loop is back. I’ll try splitting my message into small chunks.

Amazing. Simply amazing. You realize you’ve come to those conclusions solely from my disclosure that I’m male, have a sex drive and am heterosexual, don’t you? I know logical consistency is seldom a priority to anyone in ordinary conversations, but the utter disregard for it people show when they “infer” things about you never ceases to astound me. So being a man and being sexually attracted to women is now officially a pathology whose unfortunate sufferers need help against? Oh, wait, I already know that can’t be the case: it’s only a pathology when it suits the interests of the one selectively invoking this absurd criterion which could never be applied universally. For example, I doubt such a person has a problem with the fact that her boyfriend is male, has a sex drive and is sexually attracted to her. Sex for me, but not for thee it is. I shudder to think what kind of unwanted and unsolicited “help” you have in mind for us. Castration?

Last edited by Spiderpig on 10 Sep 2018, 2:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I wouldn’t say objectification is a feminist buzzword, because I consider myself a feminist and I like clear, buzzword-free language. That’s why I usually avoid words like objectification, which is used as a very vague buzzword and never defined, because its users aren’t interested in educating anyone; just in having a fully universal way to make their chosen opponents look bad regardless of what they do.

Do you even remember I was replying to you about the possibility of having opposite-sex friends? If a woman doesn’t like the way my sexual attraction to her makes her feel, she needn’t be my friend. In fact, if I have to walk on eggshells around her, she isn’t my friend. She’s free to stay away from this vile creature who has the temerity to be sexually attracted to her and be honest about it. She’s also free to instead think she’s friends with a man who pretends he’s not sexually attracted to her, waiting for a moment of weakness to pounce on her. It’s up to her, so no need to lecture men sanctimoniously on when and whom to be sexually attracted to.

I don’t need to avoid others; I let them, male and female alike, avoid me, and so far the success rate is 100%—I’ve never made any friends! So accidentally becoming my friend is the last peril you need to worry about in your life.

I already suggested a way to meet in the middle: you stop freaking out just because a man is sexually attracted to you.

I don’t even like the idea that you have to be actively doing something not to let it interfere with your friendship. How can the premise “There are many things I’d like to do with you, so we can do at any time any subset of them you want, including all of them and none of them” interfere with a friendship? Do you mean it’s actually a bad thing for her to have such choice? If my relationship with her is so delicate that I must pretend I’m not sexually attracted to her so she won’t freak out, I don’t call that friendship. In my book, a friend is not someone you have to lie to.



Good for you.

It’s not a matter of controlling your thoughts and sexual urges. You could say I’m already controlling them, because I don’t rape women, but I don’t feel like I’m controlling anything. I want to have willing sex with them. I want real intimacy and trust. You can’t have that with a woman who doesn’t want to have it with you.

The point at hand is that we’re being told that feeling the attraction at all in the first place is wrong and creepy, regardless of what we do. I refuse to accept that, so I won’t be friends with someone who demands it as a condition for their friendship.

Also, I refuse to see sex as “the gutter”. It doesn’t have to be dirty. It can be beautiful.

You win a prize for the most sensible post so far.



I think some women just have trouble wrapping their head around the idea that some men, apparently, can't so much as talk to a woman without popping wood. I don't get it either, but I'm not a man, so I'm happy to just take men's word for it.

As for being friends with women, men aren't entitled to romantic relationships with women, and women aren't entitled to platonic friendships with men. If some guy just can't get over their burning desire for my hot bod, I wouldn't be offended if he elected not to spend time with me.

My goodness there's so many posts since last I looked it's difficult to respond.

I've never noticed any erections. The men I know hide it well if it really is this incredible difficult thing to control.

I can only think of one occasion where luckily for him there were scatter cushions nearby to hug and hide behind. The funny thing was the conversation we were having. He agreed with me on this thing no one ever agrees with me on. I'm always being told this thing is a flaw in my personality, which I was explaining to him and he told me that he was really impressed with my attitude. I was like really, this is that good, lol ok, as he grabbed a cushion. Although, this is the one who later friendzoned me.

I was attracted to him so it didn't bother me.

But apart from that I only ever notice men blushing around me or staring at me across the room.

My biggest issue is blushing so I can understand having a tell

Last edited by hurtloam on 10 Sep 2018, 4:15 pm, edited 3 times in total.