Lady at work keeps interrogating me 0.o

Page 7 of 12 [ 190 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ... 12  Next

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,210
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

10 Sep 2018, 3:29 pm

My goodness there's so many posts since last I looked it's difficult to respond.

I've never noticed any erections. The men I know hide it well if it really is this incredible difficult thing to control.

I can only think of one occasion where luckily for him there were scatter cushions nearby to hug and hide behind. The funny thing was the conversation we were having. He agreed with me on this thing no one ever agrees with me on. I'm always being told this thing is a flaw in my personality, which I was explaining to him and he told me that he was really impressed with my attitude. I was like really, this is that good, lol ok, as he grabbed a cushion. Although, this is the one who later friendzoned me.

I was attracted to him so it didn't bother me.

But apart from that I only ever notice men blushing around me or staring at me across the room.

My biggest issue is blushing so I can understand having a tell :oops:



Last edited by hurtloam on 10 Sep 2018, 4:15 pm, edited 3 times in total.

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,210
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

10 Sep 2018, 3:44 pm

Objectification, what is it?

Only being seen for your body and not for what you're actually there for. I'm good at my job, but it pisses me off that first what men see is my figure. What the hell am I meant to wear? I'm supposed to be a smart office worker, but I feel like I can't dress too smart or I'll look sexy. I wear baggy shirts and tops and cardigans and flat shoes to work and feel like I look too frumpy or too scruffy or my Mum thinks I look too much like a lesbian. Or she tells me my t-shirts are too tight or too low. I can't win.

If we're talking about things that can't be helped, I can't help my bust to waist to hip ratio. It is what it is.

Speaking of role models... I haven't had good parental role models either. My parents ae as abusive as each other towards each other. Plus my Mum is a misandrist. I have a more balanced view than her and I tell her off when she's being sexist. But I mentioned something she said on here before and the men were aghast and thought it was narrow minded. Maybe y'all just like arguing and today you would agree because it supports your point. She said be careful hugging men because what you think means a nice hug they think means sex.

I do know of friends who have older male people they look up to and go to, so that's what I mean by male role models, not just parents. Someone you can talk to about personal stuff that a woman just doesn't get. It would be like me asking my uncle about ovulation. He won't get it.



Last edited by hurtloam on 10 Sep 2018, 4:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,210
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

10 Sep 2018, 4:04 pm

There were a couple of other things to reply to.

Why was Spiderpig's account of his thoughts on a beautiful woman intense. Because it read like something from a Mills and Boon romance novel. It seemed a bit much to go through ones head when meeting an attractive woman.

I relate more to what Retrogamer wrote. I just think, "he's attractive" and get on with whatever I'm doing.

I've had one or two embarrassing encounters and I said before there's one man I avoid because I am really attracted to him. That's someone I just have this really deep spiritual connection with and he's in a relationship so I just can't stand how dizzy he makes me. It's not about being sexually turned on though. It's like a twin flame thing (which I don't really believe in but the twin flame community describe my feelings for him the best).

Though there is one other guy I'm really attracted to whom I avoid. I almost hyperventilated around him once. That was embarasing. He has a weird effect on me. He's really attracted to me too. But we don't really get on. It's weird. Ah, now I understand why he won't talk to me. He will often just walk away. 8O I thought he was just weird. Oh...

So yeah, there's only these 2 men whom I feel awkward around. All others, I just think, hmm, he's attractive and carry on. Not every attractive man has an effect on my equilibrium so to speak.

Current guy i like makes my heart feel tight like when you see a cute puppy or your favourite relative says something funny. It's the way his face lights up when he talks to me that gets me. It's so pure. I was like, woah, am i falling in love with my friend? But even then I dont feel overly sexual. I just wanna wrap my arm around his and snuggle up. It takes me time to warm up to someone. I'm not just boom attracted to someone uncontrollably, so it would be true to say I'm not an expert and maybe can't offer support or advice. Thats why I called on older guys to comment.

Also as a woman I've figured out around ovulation is when I'm most, ya know, :oops: so I just think, ah I'll be fine in a few days and it doesn't get to me. I know I won't be horny forever and I don't feel like I need to do anything about it. See, totally different. Though, that's just me, not all women.



Last edited by hurtloam on 10 Sep 2018, 4:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Stardust Parade
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 20 Mar 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 349
Location: USA

10 Sep 2018, 4:04 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
Uuummm....

That's called "making conversation," and it's pretty normal.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,210
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

10 Sep 2018, 4:05 pm

Are we done? Did I answer all the questions? Sorry if I overlooked anyone's points and didn't reply.



blackicmenace
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2016
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,465
Location: Sagittarius A

10 Sep 2018, 4:31 pm

hurtloam wrote:
If we're talking about things that can't be helped, I can't help my bust to waist to hip ratio. It is what it is.


As far as the erection thing goes, it wholly depends on the male in question. Some men may need help achieving an erection, while others achieve erections with little stimulus because they naturally happen, sometimes against our will. It is rather embarrassing when it happens naturally because if it is noticed we may be perceived as perverted. It is what it is.


_________________
Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.” ― Bertrand Russell


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

10 Sep 2018, 4:39 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Hmmm. I've hear guys explain their techniques for dealing with the old hydraulics issue such as clenching a muscle in their thigh.

Could the older guys not offer some advice on this? I can't really help. Its not my area of expertise.


There’s almost nothing a guy can do to prevent an erection.

When I need to, I distract myself by shifting my thoughts to something totally non sexual - maybe my to do list or anything other than the sexy thoughts making me aroused.

Beyond that.. camouflage. Leave the room, sit down at a desk, lay on your chest on your beach blanket etc.


Of course there's something a guy can do. Remember that the biggest sexual organ is the brain. If you see someone who's attractive and you don't want to give them a standing ovation just allow yourself to get mentally turned on but not physically turned on. You can appreciate their sex appeal in your mind without letting it get to your body.


What 0.o yeah not most guys can’t control their erecttion anymore then women can control their body’s reaction, we can only control how we react to it or don’t.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

10 Sep 2018, 4:41 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Masturbation is an excellent cure, indeed.

And it costs you nothing...there are not even any cleaning bills.

I can’t exactly masturbate at work on on the bus lol

As I said I relieve myself a lot it just lowers it I still will get erect and horny out and about. Mostly it’s fine but if w female friend hugged me I’d get hard. Then she’d be upset and say im a creep, or if she said certain things it could happen.



elsapelsa
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Dec 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 840

10 Sep 2018, 4:47 pm

In my late teens travelling around Asia I had an onslaught of masturbating men following me (literally, it happened at least 5 times). It actually continued once I got back to Europe, on buses everywhere.... Nothing I did seemed to stop this wave of male attention. Once, I lived in Cairo I had adopted a wholly different attitude. A fast pace, lack of eye contact, evasive body movements, I had it sorted, I got very little harassment. I made a conscious decision to desexualise myself in public space.

I interviewed a civil rights leader who also happened to be a feminist niquab wearing young woman. We spoke about an example of whether to wear niquab in front of a blind man. We agreed that wearing the niquab has very little to do with 'who' sees you but how you carry yourself.

Recently I was buying wood and the salesman made an error in the order and made a comment that he found my beauty distracting. It really bothered me. I am nearly 40, wear no make up and hardly put any effort into my appearance. It took me a while to figure out why it bothered me so but then I concluded it was because I didn't understand what he wanted from me with that comment and that made me uncomfortable.

I like things straight and simple. I don't flirt or need to be told I am attractive or have that reinforced. I actually don't look at men that way either.

I have only had male friends since my late teens and one female friend. I have shared beds with my male friends just as if they were female. It has never bothered me if they were attracted to me. We just knew where we stood and on the few occasions where lines got blurry I just redrew the line. No big deal. I know for a fact (as they often discuss it) that one of my current best friends was in love with me at one point and that my female friend was too. That doesn't bother me. I don't see why it should. The line between great friendships and love is sometimes very hard to draw. People get confused.

But saying that I feel entirely confident and safe in all my male friends company. My best friend who I have recently reconnected with suggested next time we meet up (we live far away but travel and meet in the middle) we stay the night. Is that a threat to his or my marriage in any way? Is there anything else attached to that besides wanting to get as much time together as possible? No! Of course not. We are friends, and will always be friends, it is irrelevant whether he is attracted to me or not.


_________________
"I will file you under "L" for people I love most. "


RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,934
Location: Adelaide, Australia

10 Sep 2018, 4:56 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Masturbation is an excellent cure, indeed.

And it costs you nothing...there are not even any cleaning bills.

It costs you nothing. Until the liberal government puts a tax on it!

/sarcasm :lol: :lol: :lol:


_________________
The days are long, but the years are short


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 78,758
Location: Queens, NYC

10 Sep 2018, 4:58 pm

That's right. Draw the line. That's all you have to do.

If the guy doesn't respect that, and he continues to do sexual things after you told him to stop, then you call the cops.

It is inevitable that a (hetero) guy will feel attracted to his female friend sometimes. It's normal. The key is to not ruin the friendship by becoming aggressively sexual with her.

One time, I was lying next to this women friend I knew. I really wanted to make out with her---but I knew she wouldn't approve. Instead, I went to the bathroom to release my tension.



elsapelsa
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Dec 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 840

10 Sep 2018, 5:06 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
That's right. Draw the line. That's all you have to do.

If the guy doesn't respect that, and he continues to do sexual things after you told him to stop, then you call the cops.

It is inevitable that a (hetero) guy will feel attracted to his female friend sometimes. It's normal. The key is to not ruin the friendship by becoming aggressively sexual with her.

One time, I was lying next to this women friend I knew. I really wanted to make out with her---but I knew she wouldn't approve. Instead, I went to the bathroom to release my tension.


Yes, this.

I remember one time when me and my best friend at the time were squished into a single dorm bed and he was tickling me and we were messing about and he started biting my neck. When I told him to stop he said "don't you like it?" and I said " that's not the problem, I like it too much" he teased me about it after but it was just not a line I was willing to cross with him.


_________________
"I will file you under "L" for people I love most. "


Last edited by elsapelsa on 10 Sep 2018, 5:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

blackicmenace
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2016
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,465
Location: Sagittarius A

10 Sep 2018, 5:07 pm

I am so sorry you were harassed and disrespected in this manner elsapelsa. It is unacceptable behavior and I am always ashamed of my gender when I hear stories like your own. Some people seem to have a total disregard for acting civil around others, lacking any basic common respect that everyone is entitled to.


_________________
Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.” ― Bertrand Russell


elsapelsa
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Dec 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 840

10 Sep 2018, 5:12 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
I am so sorry you were harassed and disrespected in this manner elsapelsa. It is unacceptable behavior and I am always ashamed of my gender when I hear stories like your own. Some people seem to have a total disregard for acting civil around others, lacking any basic common respect that everyone is entitled to.


To be perfectly honest, I guess I was naive, I didn't find it threatening but merely comical. What I found frustrating was how my attempts to addres it were not effective. I bought these hideous tie-dye dungarees which I wore. I thought I looked so unattractive. In the end I figured out what I should have known all along... being 18-19 blonde and blue eyed and travelling alone was always going to be confusing in a culture with such different gender relationships.


_________________
"I will file you under "L" for people I love most. "


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

10 Sep 2018, 5:14 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Objectification, what is it?

Only being seen for your body and not for what you're actually there for. I'm good at my job, but it pisses me off that first what men see is my figure. What the hell am I meant to wear? I'm supposed to be a smart office worker, but I feel like I can't dress too smart or I'll look sexy. I wear baggy shirts and tops and cardigans and flat shoes to work and feel like I look too frumpy or too scruffy or my Mum thinks I look too much like a lesbian. Or she tells me my t-shirts are too tight or too low. I can't win.

If we're talking about things that can't be helped, I can't help my bust to waist to hip ratio. It is what it is.

Speaking of role models... I haven't had good parental role models either. My parents ae as abusive as each other towards each other. Plus my Mum is a misandrist. I have a more balanced view than her and I tell her off when she's being sexist. But I mentioned something she said on here before and the men were aghast and thought it was narrow minded. Maybe y'all just like arguing and today you would agree because it supports your point. She said be careful hugging men because what you think means a nice hug they think means sex.

I do know of friends who have older male people they look up to and go to, so that's what I mean by male role models, not just parents. Someone you can talk to about personal stuff that a woman just doesn't get. It would be like me asking my uncle about ovulation. He won't get it.


When men first see you same for women firsting seeing men, they only have your looks, they don’t know your job, how good you are at it, your personality, your likes or dislikes, just what they can see.
I see a lady in the bus who’s pretty that’s all I know unless she’s wearing anwork uniform.
People probably see me as a ugly guy who works at cabelas given I’m wearing a work shirt, they don’t onow anything else about me. It’s like when women get scared of me and people here say they don’t kniw I’m a soft teddy bear guy who couldn’t hurt a fly, they just see a big man.

I talk to my female friends about male issues and sex stuff all the time. In fact I don’t feel comfortable talking to males about it, I don’t think a lot of men do either. Males talk about sex bragging not about issues. To talk about a male issue with other males is seen as weak, men don’t want to be seen weak, so we don’t talk about our issues with other men. That’s why I prefer women friends online as they more accepting of me being emotional and sharing. I’m open to listen to their issues too.
My uncles are real men I like me they don’t talk about emotions ever and see me as weak. They’ve said so to me bunch of times.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 78,758
Location: Queens, NYC

10 Sep 2018, 5:14 pm

Women are....just attractive to heterosexual men. It's just the way it is. Many times, it really doesn't matter what she is wearing. It much more than just clothes. To me, it's the voice. And the imagination evoked when a women wears NON-revealing clothing.

There are times when I'm more turned on by the imagination than I am turned on by the actuality.