Lady at work keeps interrogating me 0.o

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Id be fine doing mine and her laundry and cooking most the food.
Cleaning I’d like shared. I’d try to massage her after her work or end of day. I’d make her breakfast in bed occasionally especially on her birthdays(which would be all about her) I’d get her little surprises and try to do romantic dinners. Sadly I don’t have a her and seems I won’t ever int time have one

I’ve been told by married female friends I’d make a great boyfriend, but I don’t have the important stuff.

Best to check with the individual; I won't tolerate it. My neck, particularly the back, is extremely sensitive; my

tops have to cover it otherwise the movement of the air against it makes me shiver. Most women appear to like

it a lot; I'd be jumping out of my skin.

Well, can you control your clitoral erections?



Why luckily for him? I can only understand that if you were not alone. If you were, what’s the matter? Do you trust him just fine as long as he doesn’t get an erection, and the moment he does you’re afraid he’ll rape you or something? And even in that case, what do you gain by not seeing the erection if you know it’s there?

She just meant it was lucky he had cushions to hide it for his embarrassment.
Be nice to hurtloam, she’s nice to loner guys when other women here aren’t.
She didn’t say or imply any such thing

Are you being facetious? He didn't want anyone to see. We were with other people.

I really feel like we have crossed wires here. Why do you keep jumping from erection to rape, no one said that. You're being overly dramatic.

A lot of women don't get why the member is so uncontrollable and take offense because they think the dude is thinking obscene thoughts about her and that is unwelcome at work or when you're just taking a journey on a bus minding your own business. They think "What did I do? Why are you thinking about me like that?!"

Girl things not the same lol. Takes time to do anything. Circumstances have to be right. Not gonna happen if you just see a handsome man just walking around at work. Id have to deliberately think about him sexually for anything to happen.

That's why it's difficult to understand the sensitivity and quickness to react of the male part.

Back to the cushion story. I was not at all aroused during that conversation or at any other point in the evening. Even when he hugged me. I felt a bit dizzy and happy and that was it.

I think I'm managing to answer Spiderpig without sinking into gratuitous description or the conversation becoming more sensual than educational. I won't let him bait me.

I’m trying to discuss the topic at hand with her, because I find it interesting. Since that’s what the forums are for, I don’t think I’m being not nice to her. If she’s not interested in the discussion, she can just say so, or stop replying to my posts.

I have a few pending replies, but I guess I’d better begin with this post, before things get any more out of hand.

No, I’m not. Everything I’ve said so far about the distinction between wanting to have sex with a woman and disrespecting her is serious. I think it’s important.



Well, did you actually read my post? That’s why I said I could understand it only if you were not alone. You weren’t—mystery solved.



I was asking. Why do you chastise me for coming up with hypotheses waiting to be confirmed or discarded by your answer? Do you want me to stop trying to understand what you’ve told us?

If you simply didn’t want to answer my question, you could have said so, but I’m not sure that’s the case, since you’re answering anyway, and it wouldn’t make much sense to me in that case to tell us the story in the first place.



Maybe that’s part of the things we all could use learning about the opposite sex in any sensible sex education.

Even the notion of thinking obscene thoughts about her is very fuzzy to me. If those “obscene” thoughts grabbed his attention in full, he’d be unable to keep any coherent conversation with her. Can’t you accept that it’s possible to respect a woman very much and still want to have sex with her? Wanting to have sex with her doesn’t mean you have to struggle not to rape her. You’re simply aware all the time of how much nicer it’d be if you could be in an intimate situation with her. You don’t have to consciously focus on this fact or verbalize it; you just feel it, and often your penis gets erect—that’s all.

Sometimes your penis gets erect even without that. I used to get erections as a little boy when I read or thought about any endearing or tender scene, long before I knew anything about sex. The boundaries between one thing and the other aren’t always clear.

Women at work or just taking a journey on a bus minding their own business are often sexy to men. That’s a fact of life and there shouldn’t be anything wrong with it.



But I asked if you could control it. When it finally happens, can you make it subside on command? It’s not easy for us. It’s often more effective, not to mention pleasant, to go to the bathroom and masturbate if we can.



I’ve read women tend to respond sexually in a way closer to men’s when they’re not afraid of being slut-shamed and fully trust whomever they’re with. So maybe imagine you’re a queen and have a very desirable lover eager to please you and unable to hurt you in any way.



But we were talking about his arousal. You have to accept that more often than not, when you hug a man, he will be aroused. Whether that alone makes you uncomfortable is up to you.

We were talking about being friends. What you’re actually there for in that situation depends on what each of you wants. If your goals don’t overlap, you’re better off elsewhere. Whatever the case, as long as the man doesn’t try to force his goals on you, why do you care if he likes your body, regardless of whether he likes anything else about you?



What else are they supposed to see first? And are you pissed off by the mere fact that they like what they see? Good luck changing that!



I suggest you stop worrying about looking sexy. If a man is sexually attracted to you, you’re not going to fool his attraction by hiding your body beyond what is customary. You might as well be wearing a heavy suit of armor, and if he’s anything like me, he’ll wish he could meet you somewhere discreet, maybe kiss you through the helmet, toy a bit with your hands and somehow get you to come out of the armor—preferably by arousing you so much you’d just have to take it out of the way—and begin to play intimately with you.

By the way, being a smart and competent office worker can be sexy in and of itself. Don’t stop being one just not to be sexy.



According to what you said above, it seems looking like a lesbian would be a good thing, doesn’t it?



I guess that’s stuff for neurotypicals. You see, I still remember I had to learn consciously as a little boy that, apparently, you’re supposed to laugh at naked people. If I hadn’t been actively taught by society that I’m supposed to disrespect a woman who shows certain body parts, I wouldn’t even think of treating her any differently from one in a burqa. So as far as I’m concerned, you could still look smart and professional even if you were working topless. I’d probably have sexual desires towards you, but I’d have them anyway if I saw you fully clad.



And it’s not a bad thing. If you’re surrounded by people who can’t help disrespecting you because of it, maybe that’s a bad place.



Well, what’s the problem? You have to be careful putting yourself in any vulnerable position, because there are people out there who will take advantage of you in every way they can. That’s true for men, too.

By the way, what can be nicer than a hug that leads to sex, as long as it is consensual?



I happen to think I didn’t have any effective rôle models, but I’m not comfortable with the way you assumed it, because you implied the rôle models should have taught us not to be sexually attracted to … whom exactly? At any rate, you implied they should have taught us to be sexually attracted to fewer women. I can’t accept that, and I think they’d be hypocrites if they’d told us that. I think only what we do should matter.



Strangely enough, I don’t miss that much. You see, what I really crave is connecting with the woman. Why can’t you just be honest with each other, tell how you feel and what you want, and respect it? I don’t like concluding lightly that someone can’t “get” something. And you can still respect it without “getting” it.

Why are you saying that women can't find it unpleasant to be thought of sexually if it doesnt end in rape. Your whole argument seems to be "it's not rape so it's ok".

That's not how we feel. We don't like being thought of sexually as we go about our business because we are not thinking about men in that way and we're not trying to attract that kind of attention or feelings or thoughts.

There is a time and a place for those thoughts and that kind of activity and that is in private where you both agree to it.

Yes I can control it. I can stop the process and go and do something else. I turn my mind to other thoughts. Sorry it took a while to work out that's what you were asking. I thought that everyone could do that. The idea of not being able to stop the process never occurred to me.

Hmm. I'm beginning to think you are willfully misunderstanding me just so you can troll me. I say this because you refuse to acknowledge or listen to how I feel. Your responses are, "yeah but he feels x so what you feel as a woman isn't important".

Also the overly sensual description of the reaction to the woman in armour makes me think you're just deliberately trolling. Can you see how that's akin to a heavy breathing phone call?

I'm done now. If you still don't get it I don't think I can add any more. We are going round in circles. Jist because you find something enjoyable doesnt mean that its ok. The other party has feelings too.

I’m afraid I don’t know those.



I do that, too. All the words I put in that post don’t go through my head every time I meet a moderately attractive woman; I just used them to describe the things I very definitely would like to do with her if I could and there were no serious reason to refrain from it. You don’t have to be thinking all the time that you’d like to do something for it to be true that you’d like to do it.

Well, I have much less experience of anything than you. What I told in the other post is the normal reäction. Note that I’m aware that in real life, myriad things could halt the progress before I did anything intimate with the woman. I say I’d like to do all those things with her, because I’d like to find I can really get along with her and she enjoys doing all that with me. The moment one of these hypotheses fails, it’s all over.

The closest thing I know to what you describe as having an effect on your equilibrium is something I experienced twice as a teenager, and one more time almost two years ago. I lack the proper vocabulary, so it may count as a crush, or perhaps something deeper. The chief telltale sign is that the woman’s eyes seem to burn, my heart feels funny and I begin to sweat. Before I underwent it the last time, I’d forgotten I had the physical ability to reäct that way.

We’re probably talking about different kinds of attraction. Before you know someone, you can wish to know them, and wish that they turn out to be someone you get along well with. You can also wish to have sex with them. They’re not mutually exclusive. You can wish that one thing reinforces the other, too. Which of these wishes, if any, come true is a whole different matter.



You don’t need to do anything about it, but I’m sure it’d be nice—wouldn’t it?

It’s getting more and more frustrating to try to explain myself, only for you to keep twisting my words. The conversation was interesting to me, but not so much anymore.

You can find unpleasant anything you like. So can I. I can decide it’s unpleasant to me if a woman has green eyes. But guess what? That’s tough on me, because she has every right to have green eyes. Similarly, we men have every right to our instincts, thoughts and feelings. If a man rapes or harasses you, you can rightly send him to jail. If he is sexually attracted to you, you shouldn’t be able to do that. Only in a very grim dystopia would you be able to. If you don’t like him, you needn’t spend time with him. If you don’t like men in general, because they tend to be sexually attracted to you, then avoid all men. It’s up to you.

I think the wise thing to do is to accept human nature as it is and find the way to work with it that best suits you. Whatever you do with men, the fact that they will often be sexually attracted to you is part of the rules of the game. Either find a way to be comfortable with that or don’t play the game—simple as that.



Tough on you. We have freedom of thought.



But we are, because we’re men, not women. Don’t expect us to be women.



Yes: the place for my thoughts is my head. It belongs to me. You have no business telling me what to think. And even if you did, how would you enforce it? It’s ridiculous. Get over it.



Which I never contradicted. I only said I wish I could be in that kind of situation with the woman. Sue me for my wishes.



Well, I thought women would have a hard time halting their erections on command, too, mostly because their erections are invisible, so they don’t need to halt them on command. Turns out I was mistaken; you live and learn.



Did it also occur to you that “the process” doesn’t have to involve any hostility or wish to humiliate the person you’re sexually attracted to? That maybe you actually have good feelings toward them, in addition to being sexually attracted to them? You seem to refuse to see it as anything but hostile.

If you think I’m trying to bait you into anything, I’d be more than glad to have skipped the whole conversation. Casually assuming bad faith is pretty insulting, in case you’re interested in acknowledging that I have feelings, too.