Lady at work keeps interrogating me 0.o

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sly279
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10 Sep 2018, 1:16 am

She said you guys. There’s only two guys talking about this issue in here me and spider pig, so she meant me too or she’d just said you or spider pig.
I don’t agree with or read all of what he posted either.

I could quote you then talk to hurtloam or Kreif, or anyone. I could go on a rant about China and have nothing to do with you.

From a logical point of view it’s just too risky to have in person female friends.
If I was more attractive it might be brushed off by them but I’m ugly their response will be like hers.
Most women have nothing in common with me. I’ve facebooked friended two from work, we don’t message, they don’t hang out with me . Some friends. Males dontneither. I don’t have much in common with most non video gsm playing peopleand you don’t hang out in person to play games. I don’t drink notnthst I could afford to, nor that I’ve ever been asked out to drink. I’m an outcast like most aspies. The lady from work probably doesn’t want to be my actual friend. She’ll at most be an acquaintance whole never talk to me besides saying hi at work.
Two guys keep suggesting we hang out at work but never follow through outside of work then make up some excuse next time at work, like I get it they don’t like me why keep faking it at work 0.o

I dont know how to make friends I never did, friends introduced me to friends. I haven’t made a friend since 5th grade.

People joke around at work I can’t.
The other guy in cave hasn’t made any friends either and feels similar to me. We are outcasts of the store, i dont know what will happen now thst I’ll be on the floor with everyone else :(



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10 Sep 2018, 2:39 am

Luhluhluh wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
Are you saying you're not capable of controlling your own hormones? Because if that's the case, maybe it's best that you do avoid others, because you will encounter others you find attractive every day, and you will have to deal with them on a somewhat professional basis.

I don't know what to tell you if you can't even do this one fairly simple thing: treat women like they're people and not an attractive collection of body parts.


I don't think comments like this help the discussion. These guys need help. They don't understand what we mean when we say these things. To us it's obvious, but I think the Aspie brain needs clearer help grasping what "objectification" is. To them it's a vague feminist buzzword. They have no idea how it makes us women feel.

Telling them just to avoid others is extreme and will just make them resent women more. We've got to find a way to meet in the middle rather than polarize each other more. They need help integrating.


I would normally agree with you, but I do feel at some point these guys have to learn to sort their issues out on their own. How much hand-holding are we realistically expected to do with guys like these? So many of them are 30+, and yet they're still operating at this level. I get that they're Aspie, I do, my partner is an Aspie. But when every comment or suggestion is met with an argument and a refusal to even consider an alternate way of thinking - I don't know - maybe it's best that some of them remain alone until they hit rock bottom and then MAYBE they may consider listening to someone other than themselves.

I don't think this is anything to do with Spiderpig or Sly, it's about how you feel towards your partner. You're fed

up with (as you see it) holding his hand and waiting for him to grow up and think differently. He won't. If you

wanted something you could train, you should have got a dog.



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10 Sep 2018, 2:43 am

Luhluhluh wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
Are you saying you're not capable of controlling your own hormones? Because if that's the case, maybe it's best that you do avoid others, because you will encounter others you find attractive every day, and you will have to deal with them on a somewhat professional basis.

I don't know what to tell you if you can't even do this one fairly simple thing: treat women like they're people and not an attractive collection of body parts.


I don't think comments like this help the discussion. These guys need help. They don't understand what we mean when we say these things. To us it's obvious, but I think the Aspie brain needs clearer help grasping what "objectification" is. To them it's a vague feminist buzzword. They have no idea how it makes us women feel.

Telling them just to avoid others is extreme and will just make them resent women more. We've got to find a way to meet in the middle rather than polarize each other more. They need help integrating.


I would normally agree with you, but I do feel at some point these guys have to learn to sort their issues out on their own. How much hand-holding are we realistically expected to do with guys like these? So many of them are 30+, and yet they're still operating at this level. I get that they're Aspie, I do, my partner is an Aspie. But when every comment or suggestion is met with an argument and a refusal to even consider an alternate way of thinking - I don't know - maybe it's best that some of them remain alone until they hit rock bottom and then MAYBE they may consider listening to someone other than themselves.


Some of these men don't have good male role models to look up to in real life to teach them how to behave around women. Thats why they've got to their 30s and are having issues. They haven't had good support and advice. It's a shame.



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10 Sep 2018, 2:49 am

sly279 wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
sly279 wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Uuummm....

That's called "making conversation," and it's pretty normal.


So normal that no other woman at my work does it?


Yes. Asking someone questions is a pretty standard way of starting a conversation.

As for the other females at your work, they've probably picked-up on the fact you don't really want to talk to them, and getting a response out of you is like pulling teeth, so they've stop trying. As for the chick who is chatting you up, she probably sees that you're quiet, and she's trying to be friendly and bring you out of your "shell."


You could benefit from her friendship by learning how to talk to women. If you can't hold an interesting conversation you don't have much of a chance at ever getting a girlfriend.
its so annoying how women side with other women they don’t know. No way women could just be mean judgmental people, guess only men can be.

I tried to talk to them from first day we meet they just give mean faces and ignore me. It’s as simple as that nothing else to it. I’m a ugly worthless man and plenty of women don’t believe their time is to be wasted in such men. Much like some rich people won’t talk to what they consider the help. But you’d probably be like no poor person you must just did something to them.

FYI I’d never ignore someone talking to me no matter what I think of them in person.
Those women are just plain rude and mean that’s it.


I'm pissed with you, Sly.
There I was trying to be nice, offering you what I thought was helpful advice. XFilesgeek offers the exact same advice, and just because you don't like what we're saying, and because we both happen to be female, this a whole conspiracy against you by women. Just who is being judgemental here?
Way to go at alienating half the human race.



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10 Sep 2018, 2:53 am

And now I'm pissed with myself for over-reacting.

I'm sorry, Sly, but look, the issue is that you don't have good conversation skills.
The question is, are you willing to go out of your comfort zone to learn, or are you just going to insist on doing things your own way and stay lonely and bitter?



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10 Sep 2018, 3:23 am

Women interrogating us? Women implying they want us to have pizza with them?
Oh my! Whatever will become of us!?


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sly279
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10 Sep 2018, 4:00 am

MrsPeel wrote:
sly279 wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
sly279 wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Uuummm....

That's called "making conversation," and it's pretty normal.


So normal that no other woman at my work does it?


Yes. Asking someone questions is a pretty standard way of starting a conversation.

As for the other females at your work, they've probably picked-up on the fact you don't really want to talk to them, and getting a response out of you is like pulling teeth, so they've stop trying. As for the chick who is chatting you up, she probably sees that you're quiet, and she's trying to be friendly and bring you out of your "shell."


You could benefit from her friendship by learning how to talk to women. If you can't hold an interesting conversation you don't have much of a chance at ever getting a girlfriend.
its so annoying how women side with other women they don’t know. No way women could just be mean judgmental people, guess only men can be.

I tried to talk to them from first day we meet they just give mean faces and ignore me. It’s as simple as that nothing else to it. I’m a ugly worthless man and plenty of women don’t believe their time is to be wasted in such men. Much like some rich people won’t talk to what they consider the help. But you’d probably be like no poor person you must just did something to them.

FYI I’d never ignore someone talking to me no matter what I think of them in person.
Those women are just plain rude and mean that’s it.


I'm pissed with you, Sly.
There I was trying to be nice, offering you what I thought was helpful advice. XFilesgeek offers the exact same advice, and just because you don't like what we're saying, and because we both happen to be female, this a whole conspiracy against you by women. Just who is being judgemental here?
Way to go at alienating half the human race.


Cause she assumes the other women don’t talk to me cause something I did. But they’ve never talked to me. I went out of my shyness to talk to them which takes a lot especially to women, and they ignore me. Other men at work said same thing, they have a I’m better then you attitude. Some are the same women who bragged abiut using men they have no interest in for free activities.

When I ask questions it’s about their life, school, family, etc.
I tried to say hi and ask how you doing to everyone at work. Most of the women ignore so do some of the men, most men will respond, some of the women do.

For those who do going past it seems impossible we have nothing in common. I don’t drink, I don’t kill things(hunt), I don’t camp,, honestly if I didn’t shoot guns I wouldn’t even make sense working at a outdoor store.
I really don’t want to hear about how they stalked and killed some poor animal either.
Oh o don’t fish either, it’s killing and disgusting. Never liked it but I was done after a sad fish looked at me. I really distest killing of any kind unless for defense.

I think I’m good conversation with people who give me a chance and have stuff in common.
Chatted with a girl about games and sci-fi today in dating site.
Other things people at work talk about is getting drunk(most are 18-24 year olds) or their kids(rest are married 30+ olds)
Pretty much everyone’s couple up at work but me now. Even the guy who’s 3 times my size has a gf.



sly279
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10 Sep 2018, 4:01 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Women interrogating us? Women implying they want us to have pizza with them?
Oh my! Whatever will become of us!?



She wasn’t suggesting that and she’s in a relationship, you haven’t even read the thread.



sly279
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10 Sep 2018, 4:06 am

MrsPeel wrote:
And now I'm pissed with myself for over-reacting.

I'm sorry, Sly, but look, the issue is that you don't have good conversation skills.
The question is, are you willing to go out of your comfort zone to learn, or are you just going to insist on doing things your own way and stay lonely and bitter?


Sorry you’re pissed at me. I’m a. Monster.
I think I do though. Just no one likes what I like except teenagers. I didn’t grow up, I didn’t stop liking video games. I didn’t get a real job :cry:

I dont know what else I could do, i can’t afford th social groups. We have very littler for groups here. So I rely on dating sites. I’m too shy to approach women in public in fear of a highly embarrassing public rejection, as I’m well aware I’m super ugly based in my rejection rate it’s likely any woman I do approach will reject me.

I see attractive women in bus a lot but I don’t darr talk to them



sly279
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10 Sep 2018, 4:18 am

hurtloam wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
Are you saying you're not capable of controlling your own hormones? Because if that's the case, maybe it's best that you do avoid others, because you will encounter others you find attractive every day, and you will have to deal with them on a somewhat professional basis.

I don't know what to tell you if you can't even do this one fairly simple thing: treat women like they're people and not an attractive collection of body parts.


I don't think comments like this help the discussion. These guys need help. They don't understand what we mean when we say these things. To us it's obvious, but I think the Aspie brain needs clearer help grasping what "objectification" is. To them it's a vague feminist buzzword. They have no idea how it makes us women feel.

Telling them just to avoid others is extreme and will just make them resent women more. We've got to find a way to meet in the middle rather than polarize each other more. They need help integrating.


I would normally agree with you, but I do feel at some point these guys have to learn to sort their issues out on their own. How much hand-holding are we realistically expected to do with guys like these? So many of them are 30+, and yet they're still operating at this level. I get that they're Aspie, I do, my partner is an Aspie. But when every comment or suggestion is met with an argument and a refusal to even consider an alternate way of thinking - I don't know - maybe it's best that some of them remain alone until they hit rock bottom and then MAYBE they may consider listening to someone other than themselves.


Some of these men don't have good male role models to look up to in real life to teach them how to behave around women. Thats why they've got to their 30s and are having issues. They haven't had good support and advice. It's a shame.


Well I was raised by women to treat women as they think women want men to treat women. Turns out it seems women don’t like that, as I’m too shy and timid and afraid of upsetting women. I’m also emotional and that’s nit confident. Unfortunately my biological dad was a sexist,abusive, cheating, drug using, child rapist. Mean probably best he didn’t stick around as a role model. It’s too bad I couldn’t have a real dad though.
Been talking to this lady with kids, it won’t work out, but even if it could I’d be s terrible dad and role model, I’m not a masculine man.
What my raising made is a weak, submissive, emotional, effeminate person.
Atleast after texting for while I come across confident but what good is thst if no one will give me a chance.

I’ve never known anyone who has other gender friend in person.
Take work, all the girls are friends and all the guys are friends, but they aren’t friends with guys or girls besides the ones who started dating. Mean they work together talk to each other but they don’t hang outside work.

If you had a guy friend and felt or saw his erection how’d you react?



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10 Sep 2018, 4:49 am

I can accept that some of your colleagues may not be particularly friendly, Sly, and there may be nothing you can do about that. And I can accept that it's hard to start a conversation with people - I have the same problem, to an extent. I think we all do.

But you have another issue going on which may be within your power to change, and that is all to do with self-esteem and how you view yourself. It's a bit corny, but it's true that beauty comes from within. It's all about finding self-acceptance and peace within ourselves, which will lead to greater confidence, which will shine through in your interactions.

If you truly believe you are ugly and worthless, nobody will want to talk to you because you'll be giving off negative vibes. And deep down you know you are not worthless, right? There are people out there who are sumbags of the highest degree, you're so much better than them. You are sensitive and eloquent and just wanting a break in life.

And you know what? Your insistence that no women on earth would be interested in you, that none of us are capable of seeing the real you, pisses me off. Why must all women be lumped in with the b*****s at your work simply because we're the same gender?



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10 Sep 2018, 5:05 am

Yeah I think she's flirting... That's definietely flirting lol.



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10 Sep 2018, 5:32 am

superaliengirl wrote:
Yeah I think she's flirting... That's definietely flirting lol.

No, just being friendly.



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10 Sep 2018, 6:23 am

sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Women interrogating us? Women implying they want us to have pizza with them?
Oh my! Whatever will become of us!?



She wasn’t suggesting that and she’s in a relationship, you haven’t even read the thread.


So it wasn't meant to be. Such is life. Still,


If you continue to believe you're not good enough for a pretty, thin girl who owns a car and works full time then you'll never be with that kind of girl.

I mean, I'm an ugly overweight guy with crooked yellow teeth who never went to university and doesn't own a car and yet I'm with a pretty, thin girl who works full time and owns a car. Why? Because I asked her out. So try asking that kind of girl out.


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10 Sep 2018, 7:02 am

I love how you can’t leave a thread like this alone without all hell breaking loose!

goldfish21 wrote:
^And that’s why even amongst NT’s there’s an ever raging debate about whether or not guys and girls can jut be friends. Almost always the guy is into the girl and she’s not into him.

IMO if you disclosed that attraction like that it’d come across as a creepy threat and the girl would not feel comfortable around you. It’d be far better to say “l’m attracted to you & I accept that you’re not attracted to me. This is why we can’t be friends.”


I’m still—and probably will always be—ignorant and naïve enough not to know why that has to be the case. I tried to be clear in my last post, but apparently the more effort you put into explaining your position, the worse the results are and the more determined some people get to paint you as a misogynistic monster. Therefore, it’s hard to say anything at this point without repeating myself.

Anyway, I don’t want to rule out that friendship before giving it a chance. We were talking about real friendship, by the way, not about when she tells him they can be friends because she doesn’t know a better way to get rid of him and is afraid he’ll flip out. So I said basically the same you did, but without anticipating the conclusion: “I’m sexually attracted to you; I don’t know if you’re sexually attracted to me, but chances are you’re not. We can be friends if you don’t have a problem with that”. Essentially any woman who has male friends either is deceived or necessarily has already dealt with this issue, and decided the simple fact that most of her male friends would like to have sex with her if she were interested in it—assuming nöone involved is in a committed relationship or has otherwise acquired a commitment to forgo such sexual activity—isn’t a reason to be disgusted or to regard them any less as friends.

Maybe I didn’t emphasize the word friend enough. A friend is not a rapist. A friend doesn’t treat you like a predator does its prey. A friend sexually attracted to you doesn’t want to hurt you; he wants to have enthusiastically consensual, complicit sex with you so you’ll enjoy it at least as much as he does. If he can’t make you enjoy it because you’re not sexually attracted to him, or just not in the mood, it doesn’t make sense for him to force the issue. He’ll probably enjoy any physical contact with you, but won’t betray you by touching you inappropriately just to get more of it. He’ll like the feeling of his friend’s boobs if she hugs him tightly, and her arms, and legs, and shoulders, and neck, and … you name it, if they’re sitting or lying down together. Before someone smugly points it out, no, I’m not excluding her brain. You can’t be anyone’s friend without a brain, nor would any brainless being be sexy to me at least. I’m assuming she has an interesting brain, with interesting ideas, and whose trust he has earned. The fact that all those sweet body parts belong to a smart woman who trusts him will make them much sweeter. It’d be pure heaven to me to be in one of those situations and for the woman to take my hand and put it on her breast while looking at me with a confident smile, but if she just wanted to rest leaning against me for a while, I’d content myself with feeling her sweet body in that position, and her trust.

Breaking her trust for the sake of squeezing her boobs or her ass would be beyond stupid, and the only reason I even know that’s a thing is that normal men, in some social situations, feel the need to claim they’d do that, or, less often, to actually do it, in the name of loyalty to their male gang. I doubt they’d do it for the alleged pleasure alone, because it’s really, really not worth it.

At least in my meagre and autistic experience, raw sexual attraction helps you want to get along really well with the one you’re attracted to. The motivation to treat women as property and subject them to your sexual whim by force seems to come from elsewhere. I’ve never experienced it, so it’s probably a social phenomenon, like the aforementioned one, which I lack the hardware for. One the plus side, this means I crave the intimate connection with the woman above all else; on the downside, it means I suck at being social and earning other men’s respect, and this, in turn, helps women stay away from me.


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10 Sep 2018, 7:22 am

hurtloam wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
^And that’s why even amongst NT’s there’s an ever raging debate about whether or not guys and girls can jut be friends. Almost always the guy is into the girl and she’s not into him.

IMO if you disclosed that attraction like that it’d come across as a creepy threat and the girl would not feel comfortable around you. It’d be far better to say “l’m attracted to you & I accept that you’re not attracted to me. This is why we can’t be friends.”


Yeah. I think that's more how it would be phrased. The way Spiderpig worded it seemed very intense. Though, if he were in a relationship I think he'd probably write some awesome poetry.

I know my boss is attracted to me, so that's why I flaked out at Spiderpig's post. Sorry Spiderpig. I just don't wanna think about it.


I’d like to know what you mean by intense. There are many things surrounding this issue I don’t understand, so I like discussions that may shed some light on them. However, I’ll respect your unwillingness to carry on the discussion and leave you alone.


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