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hurtloam
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24 Oct 2018, 5:21 am

Ok. So as a fall back if this doesn't work out, build up a friend group of male Europeans and maybe something will grow out of that in a year or so.


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AngelRho
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24 Oct 2018, 7:31 am

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Quote:
The best advice I can give you is build a circle of friends that is almost entirely men. Or at least try. This is a matter of what happens when you shoot for the moon and miss. You may not end up with THAT guy you fancied—but the guy you end up with is likely much better.


Ah yes. The one who notices that you're feeling down when it hasn't worked out with the one you fancied and asks you how you are, when the one you fancied never once asked you how you were and you wonder why you even liked him in the first place. Hmm.

And then you realise he was the one who invited you into the group of guys in the first place. And out of all of them he was the one who asked you to hang out with them the most often.

He's the one you end up chatting to in a corner at parties because you don't really like big groups of people.

The one who comments on your social media posts and asks you questions. The one who bothers to message you out off the blue.

He's the one.



So did you accept that one?

Are you dating him now?


Of course I accept.

There has been no verbal confirmation.

I don’t quite understand. Did you actually go out with someone?

Verbal confirmation of what? Dating, as in American “official” bf/gf?

If I understand correctly, in UK and other parts of Europe, there is no “official” dating. It’s understood that you are romantically involved.

My understanding of dating in Europe is it’s still a slow process even after you become a couple. Europeans lack the hangups about sex that Americans have. It’s just that in Europe, sex doesn’t have the same importance it carries here. We tend to move faster towards intimacy, whereas elsewhere it’s just not an issue. I only bring that up because there is so often an assumption that it’s integral to the relationship, or a relational goal, and there is often pressure to engage in it when it’s unnecessary. Americans will often move as quickly as they can to intimacy, while it’s not quite the same in other countries.



magz
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24 Oct 2018, 8:09 am

AngelRho wrote:
My understanding of dating in Europe is it’s still a slow process even after you become a couple. Europeans lack the hangups about sex that Americans have. It’s just that in Europe, sex doesn’t have the same importance it carries here. We tend to move faster towards intimacy, whereas elsewhere it’s just not an issue. I only bring that up because there is so often an assumption that it’s integral to the relationship, or a relational goal, and there is often pressure to engage in it when it’s unnecessary. Americans will often move as quickly as they can to intimacy, while it’s not quite the same in other countries.

Europe is a bit diverse...

In Poland we take it slow, I remember a Russian saying that "Poles marry late and rarely divorce". There is lots of premarital sex but it most often happens in well-developed informal relationships - those relationships are usually seen by the society as "natural marriages", with almost the same standards about stability, fidelity and readiness to raise a child if contraception fails.
Of course, this is the social norm, but given our long tradition of tolerance (understood as "you sinners will go straight to hell! But it's neither mine nor the state's business to punish you" - this kind of tolerance has deep roots here) there is a lot happening outside of it, both sides.

In Germany, on the other hand, I have an impression that casual sex is encouraged but relationships are still something very serious and following the continental-European pattern. They seem to have adopted the FWB idea that is rather marginal where I live. As a relationship grows from a friendship, it can also grow from FWB there. But I'm not 100% sure if I'm right.
I have no idea how they do it in the UK.


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hurtloam
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24 Oct 2018, 8:29 am

My apologies to the OP, we've hijacked your thread.

Angelrho:
I'm talking about deciding that you're a couple.
The OP was asking about how to get a conversation started in the first place, but once you've got past that point and realise that you're getting along quite well and the other person maybe fancies you back, you can't just assume you're a couple now. Even the British have a conversation about that.

One of my friends tells it this way. She had been getting to know this guy in a group. He invited her for a walk in the park just the 2 of them and asked her, "do you want to go out with me." Here's your British term. We don't date, we "go out" with people. But that means you're boyfriend/girlfriend now. Well for them it did. They're married now.

I never get past the spending time together. The bloke usually bounces off and starts going out with someone else and I'm like, oh ok, that's the end of that then.


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blockmaster1
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24 Oct 2018, 10:24 am

Lol its ok, I'm still going to talk to girl this week or next week(whenever I see her in class next), but reading this thread has been quite interesting lol!



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Oct 2018, 10:49 am

hurtloam wrote:
Ok. So as a fall back if this doesn't work out, build up a friend group of male Europeans and maybe something will grow out of that in a year or so.


How can you build up a new friend circle that easily?

For me, this is even harder than dating.



hurtloam
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24 Oct 2018, 10:58 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Ok. So as a fall back if this doesn't work out, build up a friend group of male Europeans and maybe something will grow out of that in a year or so.


How can you build up a new friend circle that easily?

For me, this is even harder than dating.


Ah, yeah there may be a flaw in this plan


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Prometheus18
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24 Oct 2018, 3:48 pm

I have posted a thread in the relevant section in which Mr AngelRho and myself (and anybody else) can continue our conversation. He says he isn't interested; either way, the offer is there:


viewtopic.php?f=20&t=369618