No Contact, How Long?

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How long should I cut off contact?

The girl initiated the breakup, we were friends for nine months before we started dating for three months. She wasn’t feeling it. I heard from 4 weeks to up to a year is a good timeframe. I’m shooting for 8-12 weeks or longer.

I think the best bet is to wait for her to get back in contact with you.

Which Could be never I'm afraid.

She obviously wants things to go back to how they were before you even met each other.

Is this about the same woman you had another thread about, who said no more contact ever?

To be honest I wouldn't even bother with the chick again. She knew you for 9 whole months and broke up with you because she "wasn't feeling it" within a third of that timeframe? You'd think someone would know you well enough to stick things out after that long. Sounds like she isn't for you man, I'd cut contact totally and not re-engage unless you want more disappointment.

I hate to break it to you, but “no contact” means you don’t see this girl again on this side of eternity.

Here’s a bonus FYI: When someone says she “wants to be friends,” that’s just a courtesy. It basically means “no contact.”

If she was the one who said “ever,” then forever. Otherwise, I think at least four or six months, depending on how bad it was. If it was very bad, then longer than that might be better. If it wasn’t bad at all, one or two weeks should be enough.

If you were very close, being friends should still be possible one day.

What would you be expecting after the "no contact" period? To be in a relationship again? If that is your hope, abandon it. It's okay to be dumped (which you have been). Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, try not to make the same mistakes again.

If you are merely hoping for "friends only," be aware that once you have crossed over into relationship territory, that's a very iffy situation at best. I have remained "just friends" a few times, but it's weird. Eventually you have someone you really want to spend time with, and you have very little time for the just-friends person... or this happens for the girl. This is how things are.

So to answer your question, contact her again in a year if you really are interested in being just friends ... or never, if you actually hope to again be lovers.

Wise. Very wise advice. Listen to this. Do this. Be careful about waiting a year. I’m not sure I’d chance it, but I’m not where you are. I’d ghost this one if it were up to me.

She reminds me a little of this golddigger I had the misfortune of dating once. I fell hard for this girl, too, but she wasn’t what I thought she was.

She had a pattern of ghosting me. I should have gotten a clue the first time it happened, but I was highly unintelligent about it. I though I was different and could change everything.

After the SECOND time I tried a relationship with her, I gave it up. I kept trying to win her back. But I was in my student-teaching semester and my paperwork wasn’t going to write itself, so I just quit calling her. After a couple of weeks of “no contact” on my part she called me up wanting to know if I was “ok.”

She’s been submarining me ever since. I’ll hear from her once or twice a year when she decides to resurface. This has been going on for nearly 20 years. She lives half a continent away and I’m perfectly fine with that.

If she said no more contact ever, then you simply respect that. She wants no contact so there is no contacting her, since it was her decision she'll contact you first if she changes her mind and you can decide then wether you want to talk to her or not. Don't come off as a stalker.

No means no. This is something many people still has to learn apparently.