"You need to work on yourself!"

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The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Oct 2018, 3:50 am

rdos wrote:
Fnord wrote:
rdos wrote:
I'm completely against working on myself to attract potential partners. I don't want to be loved because how well I've adapted, how successful I am or how handsome I look. This "method" will only attract superficial girls and gold-diggers, and I don't need that type of potential partners or admirers.
Congratulations! Misogyny now has a new, higher standard of behavior!


I see no misogyny in not accepting that I have to change in order to please women.

Try to reverse the roles. Tell women that they must look beautiful to attract males and that when they work on their appearance, they don't do it for themselves, but to attract mates. I'm sure you will be attacked as a hater if you put it that way. So why do we expect men to work on themselves when it's hateful to assume women should do the same?


Even when men breath is a misogyny.



magz
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26 Oct 2018, 4:02 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
rdos wrote:
Fnord wrote:
rdos wrote:
I'm completely against working on myself to attract potential partners. I don't want to be loved because how well I've adapted, how successful I am or how handsome I look. This "method" will only attract superficial girls and gold-diggers, and I don't need that type of potential partners or admirers.
Congratulations! Misogyny now has a new, higher standard of behavior!


I see no misogyny in not accepting that I have to change in order to please women.

Try to reverse the roles. Tell women that they must look beautiful to attract males and that when they work on their appearance, they don't do it for themselves, but to attract mates. I'm sure you will be attacked as a hater if you put it that way. So why do we expect men to work on themselves when it's hateful to assume women should do the same?


Even when men breath is a misogyny.

That would be misandry.
Should I mention that the one who brought up the mysogyny topic is "Male" in his profile? So that would be misandry showed by a man, which translates to self-hatered...

Guys, sometimes I just don't get you :lol: Is that misogyny too? :lol:


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rdos
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26 Oct 2018, 4:31 am

I think Fnord brought up misogyny because he didn't like his list being questioned & discarded. To him, the notion that men shouldn't need to adapt to the wishes of women is unacceptable.



magz
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26 Oct 2018, 5:23 am

rdos wrote:
I think Fnord brought up misogyny because he didn't like his list being questioned & discarded. To him, the notion that men shouldn't need to adapt to the wishes of women is unacceptable.

Actually, I find equalling "how well I've adapted, how successful I am or how handsome I look" to "the wishes of women" kind of misogynist. I could equal it to believing that men care only for looks and sex.
There are ones who do but those are not the ones worth much effort of working on oneself, IMO.


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rdos
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26 Oct 2018, 7:39 am

magz wrote:
rdos wrote:
I think Fnord brought up misogyny because he didn't like his list being questioned & discarded. To him, the notion that men shouldn't need to adapt to the wishes of women is unacceptable.

Actually, I find equalling "how well I've adapted, how successful I am or how handsome I look" to "the wishes of women" kind of misogynist. I could equal it to believing that men care only for looks and sex.
There are ones who do but those are not the ones worth much effort of working on oneself, IMO.


Then I think you need to label Fnord as misogynist since it is was he that presented the list and that these were the wishes of women. :mrgreen:

Personally, I don't think the list is the true partner preferences of women. I think it is a list some very attractive women might use to sort men as potential mates or not. I certainly don't believe all women (and certainly not neurodiverse women) are that shallow. Which means men don't need to work on these issues as much as some believe they need to.



magz
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26 Oct 2018, 8:42 am

rdos wrote:
magz wrote:
rdos wrote:
I think Fnord brought up misogyny because he didn't like his list being questioned & discarded. To him, the notion that men shouldn't need to adapt to the wishes of women is unacceptable.

Actually, I find equalling "how well I've adapted, how successful I am or how handsome I look" to "the wishes of women" kind of misogynist. I could equal it to believing that men care only for looks and sex.
There are ones who do but those are not the ones worth much effort of working on oneself, IMO.


Then I think you need to label Fnord as misogynist since it is was he that presented the list and that these were the wishes of women. :mrgreen:

Personally, I don't think the list is the true partner preferences of women. I think it is a list some very attractive women might use to sort men as potential mates or not. I certainly don't believe all women (and certainly not neurodiverse women) are that shallow. Which means men don't need to work on these issues as much as some believe they need to.

I don't accuse you of being misogynic. No, I find this accusation of Fnord absurd. He may have actually not read your post carefully before responding to it, that would be a simple explanation of it.


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Fnord
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26 Oct 2018, 8:49 am

rdos wrote:
... I think you need to label Fnord as misogynist since it is was he that presented the list and that these were the wishes of women...
The very fact that each item on that list was expressed by women precludes any lame attempt to label me as a "misogynist" for posting that list.

I think you need to step away from those sour grapes, dude ...



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26 Oct 2018, 8:49 am

sly279 wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Decent job/car/does not live with parents seems to be the minimum standard for most women (at least the ones I've met).

Why’s that sexist when I say it but not when you say it 0.o


Because I didn't generalize it to all women, and I made sure to frame it in terms of my own personal experience, not a universal, objective truth.


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SaveFerris
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26 Oct 2018, 9:10 am

sly279 wrote:
Why’s that sexist when I say it but not when you say it 0.o



It's just semantics Sly , I think most people realise if you say 'women/men are nuts' you don't mean every woman/man , it is just based on your experience but it will and can be used against you if you word it that way ( as some people are sexist ). Far better to say in my experience 'women/men are nuts' then this is your truth and no-one can say s**t about your experiences.

These are the key words Xfg used in her statement imo

Decent job/car/does not live with parents seems to be the minimum standard for most women (at least the ones I've met).

Unless of course you worded it the same but I doubt Xfg would say it if it wasn't true


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XFilesGeek
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26 Oct 2018, 9:30 am

SaveFerris wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Why’s that sexist when I say it but not when you say it 0.o



It's just semantics Sly , I think most people realise if you say 'women/men are nuts' you don't mean every woman/man , it is just based on your experience but it will and can be used against you if you word it that way ( as some people are sexist ). Far better to say in my experience 'women/men are nuts' then this is your truth and no-one can say s**t about your experiences.

These are the key words Xfg used in her statement imo

Decent job/car/does not live with parents seems to be the minimum standard for most women (at least the ones I've met).

Unless of course you worded it the same but I doubt Xfg would say it if it wasn't true


Pretty much this.

IRL, I know that when someone says, "Men are nuts," that they're just exaggerating for effect.

However, in the environment of message boards, we're deprived of facial expression, voice tone, and being familiar with an individual's personality, so we have to choose our words more carefully.


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magz
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26 Oct 2018, 9:30 am

XFilesGeek wrote:
Decent job/car/does not live with parents seems to be the minimum standard for most women (at least the ones I've met).

I'm just curious: does the car need to be decent too?

I don't see such requirements where I live. For one night stand, nobody cares and for a long-term relationship both genders just prefer someone about their own class (in more than economic meaning).
Yes, within the same class it is considered more convinient for the man to earn more. I know several guys who gave up their careers in science after getting married, to earn more elsewhere. I don't like it but that's how it is. I know I could earn more if I changed my career but I don't want to - and nobody pressures me to do it. But some my collegues are pressured either by their girlfriends or by their inner beliefs and it sucks.


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XFilesGeek
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26 Oct 2018, 9:35 am

magz wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Decent job/car/does not live with parents seems to be the minimum standard for most women (at least the ones I've met).

I'm just curious: does the car need to be decent too?

I don't see such requirements where I live. For one night stand, nobody cares and for a long-term relationship both genders just prefer someone about their own class (in more than economic meaning).
Yes, within the same class it is considered more convinient for the man to earn more. I know several guys who gave up their careers in science after getting married, to earn more elsewhere. I don't like it but that's how it is. I know I could earn more if I changed my career but I don't want to - and nobody pressures me to do it. But some my collegues are pressured either by their girlfriends or by their inner beliefs and it sucks.


Honestly, I've never inquired as to the nature of how fancy the car should be.

I just know that a lot of women I've crossed paths with want a man with a job/car/own place. I've also seen women who date men without those aforesaid assets be looked down on by both men and women as "dating losers."


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SaveFerris
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26 Oct 2018, 9:39 am

XFilesGeek wrote:

However, in the environment of message boards, we're deprived of facial expression, voice tone, and being familiar with an individual's personality, so we have to choose our words more carefully.


One Of SaveFerris Sock Puppets wrote:

I learned that the hard way :lol:


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26 Oct 2018, 9:42 am

XFilesGeek wrote:
... a lot of women I've crossed paths with want a man with a job/car/own place. I've also seen women who date men without those aforesaid assets be looked down on by both men and women as "dating losers."
The perception being that a man without all of these things is lazy, irresponsible, unemployable, and likely dishonest; that a woman dating such a man is desperate (because she can't find someone better); and that their relationship is based more on pity and neediness than any on mutual attraction.



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Oct 2018, 10:32 am

magz wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
rdos wrote:
Fnord wrote:
rdos wrote:
I'm completely against working on myself to attract potential partners. I don't want to be loved because how well I've adapted, how successful I am or how handsome I look. This "method" will only attract superficial girls and gold-diggers, and I don't need that type of potential partners or admirers.
Congratulations! Misogyny now has a new, higher standard of behavior!


I see no misogyny in not accepting that I have to change in order to please women.

Try to reverse the roles. Tell women that they must look beautiful to attract males and that when they work on their appearance, they don't do it for themselves, but to attract mates. I'm sure you will be attacked as a hater if you put it that way. So why do we expect men to work on themselves when it's hateful to assume women should do the same?


Even when men breath is a misogyny.

That would be misandry.
Should I mention that the one who brought up the mysogyny topic is "Male" in his profile? So that would be misandry showed by a man, which translates to self-hatered...

Guys, sometimes I just don't get you :lol: Is that misogyny too? :lol:



What I mean, for some here, any word or action by straight men is considered misogyny.

As simple as that.