The "no contact" thing in today's American culture

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rdos
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22 Nov 2018, 4:44 am

uniqueUsername wrote:
I don't like being dependant, but when you bond with another so much it can get really hard to let go.


I think the intention is that we shouldn't let those bonds go, and instead, we should fight for them and be persistent. People break-up too easily.



uniqueUsername
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22 Nov 2018, 5:08 am

rdos wrote:
uniqueUsername wrote:
I don't like being dependant, but when you bond with another so much it can get really hard to let go.


I think the intention is that we shouldn't let those bonds go, and instead, we should fight for them and be persistent. People break-up too easily.


I agree. I have fought for it actually, but i kept hitting a wall. From the 2 of us, i was not the one that wanted to break up. Still it takes two to tango.

But this no contact thing is not helping, that is for sure. It is closer to torture.



The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Nov 2018, 5:19 am

Confession:

My gf did the last silent treatment (she did it few times before) a long ago after a heated discussion about the financial mess she caused to herself back then, and I literally told her and made it clear: “look, in my culture, ignoring one means a lack of respect, do that again and I will break up with you immediately”. She then explained that the silent treatement for her means she’s just sad.

Souded harsh, eh? But it worked very well, no silent treatment from her ever since, when something bothers her she says it.



hurtloam
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22 Nov 2018, 5:27 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Confession:

My gf did the last silent treatment (she did it few times before) a long ago after a heated discussion about the financial mess she caused to herself back then, and I literally told her and made it clear: “look, in my culture, ignoring one means a lack of respect, do that again and I will break up with you immediately”. She then explained that the silent treatement for her means she’s just sad.

Souded harsh, eh? But it worked very well, no silent treatment from her ever since, when something bothers her she says it.


That's really good actually. You've both come to an agreement on how to communicate when isssues arise. Seems very mature and will help to avoid festering problems.



The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Nov 2018, 5:38 am

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Confession:

My gf did the last silent treatment (she did it few times before) a long ago after a heated discussion about the financial mess she caused to herself back then, and I literally told her and made it clear: “look, in my culture, ignoring one means a lack of respect, do that again and I will break up with you immediately”. She then explained that the silent treatement for her means she’s just sad.

Souded harsh, eh? But it worked very well, no silent treatment from her ever since, when something bothers her she says it.


That's really good actually. You've both come to an agreement on how to communicate when isssues arise. Seems very mature and will help to avoid festering problems.


I said it in a very pissed moment tho (not loud pissed but more like boiling inside) , but yeah it turned out well.



Mona Pereth
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22 Nov 2018, 1:30 pm

Due to the political content of rdos's post, above, I am replying here in the new thread General political stance of an autistic-friendly subculture? in the Politics, Philosophy, and Religion forum.


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cberg
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22 Nov 2018, 4:32 pm

This is what I told someone: you may be giving up on relationships but that's all the less reason for me to ignore you.

Lately I worry if it's more me or her imposing the radio silence. I think we've all become more shy than our social trends would suggest. There's no point in ascribing blame for this, it's more important to transcend division.


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Prometheus18
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23 Nov 2018, 6:06 am

I agree. I don't think you're challenging the causes of this problem enough, though. The causes of this problem are the breakdown in cultural norms, the rise of narcissism as the predominant American social attitude and quite generally the not-so-rugged American individualism which boils down to "if you can get away with it, do it". In a previous discussion you had with me (I think it was you), you seemed almost to suggest that you supported these trends.



HighLlama
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23 Nov 2018, 12:59 pm

hurtloam wrote:
I would have thought autistic people with sensory overload would be more likely to go no contact on people.

I have a tendency to draw needy people to me because I'm a good listener, but I am quite an independent person who doesn't need frequent contact with friends, so there have been a couple of times in my life where I've gone no contact on people for the sake of my own sanity. I just found them overwhelming.


I can relate to this tremendously--some people just refuse to accept/care that others have different needs and wants. And I don't know if "no contact" really has to be stated, unless the person has some real personal issues. For the most part, contact will work itself out.


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Pyromanic
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24 Nov 2018, 10:28 am

Yeah people do find it too easy to cut off people who trust them these days as I've learned time and time again. I think it's probably much much worse with online friendships and relationships, the phenomenon of people disposing their friends seems extra prevalent when they don't see eachother in person.

But here's the thing- if somebody does that to me, it's my responsibility to myself out of self-respect to do the same to them, permanently. So I guess I fight fire with fire.


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