hale_bopp wrote:
What's your point? People have self esteem issues for a lot of reasons. I would say about 80% of people do, with at least half of that severely so. Bullied, told they're ugly, ret*d, been lied about, been gang bashed, raped, assaulted, humiliated, been neglected by their family, ostracized by their classmates and betrayed by their friends and loved ones.
My point is I've experienced other self-esteem issues like 80% of people too, and an inability to get a partner at all easily tops the list.hale_bopp wrote:
It's partly our experiences who make us who we are, but it's also our choices. If you have a self esteem problem, Tom, dick and Harry aren't going to fix it, neither is Sarah across the road. Fix it yourself.
Alright, well for instance, I don't like the weight that I'm at. That's a self-esteem issue I have, for instance, so I've started cutting a lot of sugar and empty calories out from my diet, as well as joining Uber Eats as a bicycle rider to both make income on the side and get more exercise. Those are actions I can take to improve things if my self-esteem is being negatively affected by my weight, right?
Well how about when my self-esteem is negatively affected by my inability to get a partner? How do I 'fix' that without getting a partner? I can't.
The best course of action in this case is to improve my chances of appealing to someone I'm interested in via self-improvement, then putting myself out there and in doing so hopefully eventually attracting a partner. That would be a fix. But if I go the self-improvement route and put myself out there and really give myself opportunities to meet people and women still aren't interested, I'm still going to have a low self-esteem from an inability to find a partner. My point is in this particular aspect, I can't get self-esteem from inside of myself. I require positive feedback externally from at least one person in order for this to no longer be an issue for me, which is what makes fixing it so difficult.
It'd be like if I couldn't make friends, was self-conscious about not being fun or interesting enough for people to want to be around, people saw no value in befriending me, and I had a low self-esteem because of it, etc, the only way to ultimately eradicate that problem would be to make friends. Now the smart way to go about that would be to become a more interesting person, read things like "How To Win Friends And Influence People", learn to be a good conversationalist whose company others enjoy, etc, but if I had this problem and I did all of those things and still nobody wanted to be my friend, then my situation and self-esteem wouldn't improve. I could use another example about people not choosing to hire you despite working on your job interview skills, qualifications and trying to become as employable as possible and all the rest of it, and I have no doubt I could come up with more. My point is that some elements of your self-esteem require approval and acceptance from others, so you can't necessarily just "fix it yourself"
hale_bopp wrote:
I'm fixing self esteem issues from being bullied about my body shape by going to the gym and dieting. I am also saving up to see a psychotherapist about the other abuse and betrayal I've received in my life, because it's more important than buying new video games.
Well, best of luck to youThe Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Nobody is born a monster
hale_bopp wrote:
This is something I 100% do not agree with, though a lot of incels probably aren't, but they're not making respectable choices in regards to the solution by spamming on Reddit that Mary is a slut because she didn't reply to his dating site message, scratching their bum then playing video games for 12 hours.
Okay, maybe a very small percentage of people are born monsters, but most aren't. And yes, they're not making respectable choices, I agree with you there. Imo they should seek to better themselves so they improve their chances of finding a relationship
05 Jan 2019, 4:58 am
