Chronically Single Men, Don't Call Yourselves 'Incels"

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Prometheus18
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05 Jan 2019, 4:58 am

Why are people so bothered about a tedious, adolescent subculture? It's like grown men debating about emos and goths.



HighLlama
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05 Jan 2019, 5:03 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Seriously, unless you embrace incel culture, like chad and stacy bullocks and all the rest of it, distance yourself from the term. I'm not sure if it once meant all people who were in a literal sense 'involuntarily celibate'. That was my original interpretation of the term, and as such it seemed unjust to scrutinise all people to whom the term applied literally, but now it seems that "incel" describes a very specific type of lonely/chronically single man who blames women as a collective for his celibacy and wishes harm on them as a result.

If you don't hang out on incel forums, don't call yourself an incel. If you don't subscribe to incel culture, don't call yourself an incel. If you don't wish harm on people you (inaccurately) believe are the cause of your "involuntary celibacy", don't call yourself an incel. If you call yourself an incel and none of the above apply to you, you're going to give people the wrong impression of what you believe and how you think. If you're just a lonely guy, chronically single or all the rest of it, just call yourself those things, but don't call yourself an incel or believe you fall under that category unless you're part of the cult itself. You're just going to invoke potentially inaccurate ideas of what you're about in the heads of others who immediately associate incels with a specific kind of culture and ideology.


How about coitally challenged?


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hale_bopp
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05 Jan 2019, 5:04 am

Prometheus18 wrote:
Why are people so bothered about a tedious, adolescent subculture? It's like grown men debating about emos and goths.


The problem is a lot of these people are in their 30s, and we have to interact with them in society.



HighLlama
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05 Jan 2019, 5:06 am

Prometheus18 wrote:
Why are people so bothered about a tedious, adolescent subculture? It's like grown men debating about emos and goths.


I agree. Giving it so much attention just treats it with a seriousness it doesn't deserve. And there are more creative ways to fear women :jester:


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The Grand Inquisitor
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05 Jan 2019, 5:06 am

Prometheus18 wrote:
Why are people so bothered about a tedious, adolescent subculture? It's like grown men debating about emos and goths.

The incel subculture is for the most part 18+. A lot of guys in our age group are in it. The difference between incels and a subculture like emos or goths is that incels espouse hateful ideology, routinely egg each other on to kill themselves or other people, and there have been a few cases of 'incel terrorism' in tbe past year whereby an incel has actually murdered people out of frustration. I don't like that I have to side against people with similar issues to me, but they're not some benign subculture who keeps to themselves.



The Grand Inquisitor
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05 Jan 2019, 5:10 am

HighLlama wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Seriously, unless you embrace incel culture, like chad and stacy bullocks and all the rest of it, distance yourself from the term. I'm not sure if it once meant all people who were in a literal sense 'involuntarily celibate'. That was my original interpretation of the term, and as such it seemed unjust to scrutinise all people to whom the term applied literally, but now it seems that "incel" describes a very specific type of lonely/chronically single man who blames women as a collective for his celibacy and wishes harm on them as a result.

If you don't hang out on incel forums, don't call yourself an incel. If you don't subscribe to incel culture, don't call yourself an incel. If you don't wish harm on people you (inaccurately) believe are the cause of your "involuntary celibacy", don't call yourself an incel. If you call yourself an incel and none of the above apply to you, you're going to give people the wrong impression of what you believe and how you think. If you're just a lonely guy, chronically single or all the rest of it, just call yourself those things, but don't call yourself an incel or believe you fall under that category unless you're part of the cult itself. You're just going to invoke potentially inaccurate ideas of what you're about in the heads of others who immediately associate incels with a specific kind of culture and ideology.


How about coitally challenged?

I like the creativity, but again, for me, sex is the secondary concern, while a relationship is my primary concern, so while it's still applicable, it's not as applicable for me personally as other terms I've outlined.



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05 Jan 2019, 5:55 am

”Chrocel,” “Persingle,” “Chrolone” and “Lonman” could all be used, but I think any word that was used instead would eventually start being used the wrong way, like “incel” has.


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05 Jan 2019, 9:46 am

I agree completely with the OP. Incel will always be synonymous with incel type sites and their ideology, and anyone calling themselves incel, will be seen in that light.

Single and looking works, and chronically single.

Any portmanteau containing 'cel' will not work, what with all the cel's incels believe in.

Prometheus18 wrote:
Why are people so bothered about a tedious, adolescent subculture? It's like grown men debating about emos and goths.

First of all, they're not all teens, they're all the way into their 30's.
Secondly, and more importantly, because they promote violence and wish for their membership to "go ER" and rejoice when someone does.


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05 Jan 2019, 10:31 am

Skilpadde wrote:
I agree completely with the OP. Incel will always be synonymous with incel type sites and their ideology, and anyone calling themselves incel, will be seen in that light.

Single and looking works, and chronically single.

Any portmanteau containing 'cel' will not work, what with all the cel's incels believe in.
Prometheus18 wrote:
Why are people so bothered about a tedious, adolescent subculture? It's like grown men debating about emos and goths.

First of all, they're not all teens, they're all the way into their 30's.
Secondly, and more importantly, because they promote violence and wish for their membership to "go ER" and rejoice when someone does.

I agree that pretty much any portmanteau at this stage describing lonely men risks being linked to incel culture, especially any with 'cel' in them.

From what I've seen there are a lot of them in their early/mid/late 20s too. It sucks that they've gone to these sites and become radicalized the way they have, because it really makes a chronically single guy like myself who knows the extent of the struggle they're going through but doesn't subscribe to their ideology at all feel torn between empathising with their struggle and admonishing them for the drivel they propagate.



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05 Jan 2019, 10:39 am

Magna wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Just say you're "single and looking." End of story.

To a potential partner, that works, but I'd say it's very much a gross oversimplification when specifically taking about my struggles with dating. You can be single and looking and have just gotten out of a relationship, or have been out of a relationship for a few months, and that's considerably different to my situation of never having a relationship despite the desire being present.


I think Kortie's advice is the wisest I've heard today: "Just say you're "single and looking." End of story.". Your specific reason or reasons in the dating world don't matter or are not important.

Yeah, I wouldn't elaborate on my struggles being chronically single to a potential partner, at least not initially until we got to know each other or it was relevant to a particular conversation, but when discussing the issues I have with dating (or technically not dating) online or to people I hope to receive advice from, it would be remiss of me to exclude such a crucial detail as the fact that I've never had a relationship despite trying and wanting to, and that my self-esteem has consequently been affected.



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05 Jan 2019, 11:27 am

hale_bopp wrote:
What's your point? People have self esteem issues for a lot of reasons. I would say about 80% of people do, with at least half of that severely so. Bullied, told they're ugly, Retarded, been lied about, been gang bashed, raped, assaulted, humiliated, been neglected by their family, ostracized by their classmates and betrayed by their friends and loved ones.

My point is I've experienced other self-esteem issues like 80% of people too, and an inability to get a partner at all easily tops the list.
hale_bopp wrote:
It's partly our experiences who make us who we are, but it's also our choices. If you have a self esteem problem, Tom, dick and Harry aren't going to fix it, neither is Sarah across the road. Fix it yourself.

Alright, well for instance, I don't like the weight that I'm at. That's a self-esteem issue I have, for instance, so I've started cutting a lot of sugar and empty calories out from my diet, as well as joining Uber Eats as a bicycle rider to both make income on the side and get more exercise. Those are actions I can take to improve things if my self-esteem is being negatively affected by my weight, right?

Well how about when my self-esteem is negatively affected by my inability to get a partner? How do I 'fix' that without getting a partner? I can't.

The best course of action in this case is to improve my chances of appealing to someone I'm interested in via self-improvement, then putting myself out there and in doing so hopefully eventually attracting a partner. That would be a fix. But if I go the self-improvement route and put myself out there and really give myself opportunities to meet people and women still aren't interested, I'm still going to have a low self-esteem from an inability to find a partner. My point is in this particular aspect, I can't get self-esteem from inside of myself. I require positive feedback externally from at least one person in order for this to no longer be an issue for me, which is what makes fixing it so difficult.

It'd be like if I couldn't make friends, was self-conscious about not being fun or interesting enough for people to want to be around, people saw no value in befriending me, and I had a low self-esteem because of it, etc, the only way to ultimately eradicate that problem would be to make friends. Now the smart way to go about that would be to become a more interesting person, read things like "How To Win Friends And Influence People", learn to be a good conversationalist whose company others enjoy, etc, but if I had this problem and I did all of those things and still nobody wanted to be my friend, then my situation and self-esteem wouldn't improve. I could use another example about people not choosing to hire you despite working on your job interview skills, qualifications and trying to become as employable as possible and all the rest of it, and I have no doubt I could come up with more. My point is that some elements of your self-esteem require approval and acceptance from others, so you can't necessarily just "fix it yourself"
hale_bopp wrote:
I'm fixing self esteem issues from being bullied about my body shape by going to the gym and dieting. I am also saving up to see a psychotherapist about the other abuse and betrayal I've received in my life, because it's more important than buying new video games.
Well, best of luck to you

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Nobody is born a monster
hale_bopp wrote:
This is something I 100% do not agree with, though a lot of incels probably aren't, but they're not making respectable choices in regards to the solution by spamming on Reddit that Mary is a slut because she didn't reply to his dating site message, scratching their bum then playing video games for 12 hours.

Okay, maybe a very small percentage of people are born monsters, but most aren't. And yes, they're not making respectable choices, I agree with you there. Imo they should seek to better themselves so they improve their chances of finding a relationship



Shinku Tora
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05 Jan 2019, 6:46 pm

It doesn’t matter what the term is; media will only make single men out to be worse and worse as time goes on and more realize the current climate is full of shitty deals. They’ll cherry pick or just make s**t up to get anyone to hate them.


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hale_bopp
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05 Jan 2019, 10:32 pm

Can you elaborate on what you mean by shitty deals??



Hollywood_Guy
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06 Jan 2019, 2:46 am

Shinku Tora wrote:
It doesn’t matter what the term is; media will only make single men out to be worse and worse as time goes on and more realize the current climate is full of shitty deals. They’ll cherry pick or just make s**t up to get anyone to hate them.


I could understand that really annoys me too.



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11 Jan 2019, 9:45 pm

I don't have any problems with the incel community, all they do is make me look magnanimous and rational.


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